User talk:Ellisonkim99/sandbox
Ashley Choi Peer Review[edit]
Hi, Ellison. I very much enjoyed reading your article and your additions to the Obesity article. It was really interesting to learn about how obesity is affected early in child development through conception methods, antibiotics, and viruses-- I never knew those could affect childhood obesity.
Regarding paragraph 1, I think it was a good idea that you included a "see also" to infectobesity because it is one less step that readers need to take to become more informed. I think the changes that you made are useful and help to make the article more concise and accurate in its information, good job there.
Regarding paragraph 2 on childhood obesity, I enjoyed very much reading about new factors considered to contribute to childhood obesity. Overall, I think the information you added adds another spin to obesity (particularly childhood obesity) and is very informative. Great job with the research! I can't think of areas for improvement necessarily, I think you did a great job and I would just encourage you to take another look through and cut down the "fluff" where you can and make sure it's wholly unbiased. Good job.
Sarah Chang Peer Review[edit]
I agree with your decisions regarding which sentences should be taken out from the original writing, it really made the flow smoother and eliminated parts that were not as relevant to the main points. I also liked how you broadened the scope of factors that were being researched in childhood obesity, it really kept the article up-to-date with new advancements. The citations you included in your sections were good as well, since I noticed that the sections of the original article you posted in your Sandbox did not contain many citations. All in all I liked your edits, and I think you made a good contribution to this article even though it was rated as GA-Class, which is often hard to improve.