User talk:Gracesearle/sandbox
Natalie's peer review
[edit]Hi Grace!
I think you did a great job with your draft! It was really informative, yet at the same time also really easy for me to read and understand. I learned a lot about Kokota from reading through this! I also like how you incorporated the information box, as well as lots of tables and examples into the different parts. My comments for each section are below. Good luck with editing!
Best, Natalie
Lead
[edit]I like how you gave lots of geographic context for the language, in addition to explaining its current status. The information box was also really well done!
One suggestion is to add some links to other Wikipedia pages, just in case readers want more information. For example, all of the place names and GIDS could probably be linked. Another suggestion is to add a bit more about the features of the language near where you mention the morphology in the last sentence. Maybe you could summarize a few big picture ideas (that you'll explain in detail in the following sections).
Phonology
[edit]The tables were really helpful in organizing the information you present about vowels and consonants. I also thought your section on stress was really interesting! Your examples were also super detailed and thought-out.
One suggestion for the vowel chart is to try and display the rounded/unrounded-ness of the different vowels. Maybe there's some way to move the text left/right within each cell? Maybe you could also define what a 'mora' was in the first part of the stress section, rather than waiting until the examples, because I was a bit confused at first, as I had never heard of that term before!
Morphology
[edit]The partial reduplication for derivation was so cool! I also thought that you did a great job in this section in particular with adding a variety of examples. I also liked how you not only gave examples for compounding, but also explained what it was and distinguished between endocentric and exocentric.
However, in this section, you might want to consider using the interlinear template for glossing to make it easier to read. (It also allows you to explain the glossing abbreviations!) Another place you might want to add a bit of detail is in perhaps giving a more general overview of affixation and cliticization, in addition to the specific examples. For example, though affixation is rare, what sorts of affixes exist? (I.e. are the affixes mostly derivational or inflectional, is there any agreement, which word classes are affixed, etc.)
Syntax
[edit]This section was really well organized! Already, I think it contains pretty much what it needs to, so my only suggestion for what to add would be any unique/unusual syntactic features that you like!
Here too, though, I would suggest maybe using the interlinear template so the glosses line up. Finally, in the bullet point about verb-object order, just a small typo "evidence → evidenced".
Great job :)
347natalie (talk) 20:59, 13 April 2019 (UTC)
Peer review
[edit]LEAD
- So, I think you can move your "Kokota language" section above the table of contents and just use it for the lead! Or you could leave it where it is and write a lead from scratch just explaining the different sections of the article to come
- Overall awesome job on this section! really clear intro to the language. also, I love the little infobox you made on the right
- Some tiny wording suggestions:
- I'd switch the order sentences 2 & 3, since sentence 3 directly references sentence 1. so you could just reorder it like "...the island, Santa Isabel, which is located in the Solomon Island chains in the Pacific Ocean. Santa Isabel is one of the larger islands in the chain, but it has a very low population density. Kokota is one of 37 languages in the Northwestern Solomon Group, and is the main language of three villages..."
- I think it reads in a slightly confusing way to go directly from sentence 5 saying "The language is not in immediate danger..." to sentence 6 saying "It is threatened by Cheke Holo..." For clarity, I would add a small transition between them like "That said, it is threatened by..."
- The last sentence, "Kokota has limited morphological complexity," does feel a bit out of place contextually, since the previous 3 sentences were about its degree of endangerment... Maybe just put a line break right before this sentence? Or maybe move it to being before the endangerment discussion
PHONOLOGY
- Good intro to vowels and consonants--clear & concise.
- Same for your intros to syllable structure and stress! All of those look great.
- Why does your intro say that Kokota uses 3 types of syllable structure (V, CV, & CCV), but then a 4th basic structure (CVV) is included in the table? (I'm genuinely asking— it's very likely you have it right and I'm just misunderstanding... syllables structures are confusing to me haha)
- Your chart on the CC onset clusters is awesome!! That was great info to add to your page.
- Under the Stress subsection, consider adding a brief description of what moras are, or link to another Wikipedia page that explains them. (I'd never heard of moras before, so some quick context would've been helpful!)
- Typos:
- ”Kokota has five vowel phonemes as shows in..." (1st sentence under "Vowels")
- "and those syllables and feet and they may be" (1st sentence under "Example 1" [under "Stress"])
- Wording suggestions:
- "The CCVV structure is very rare..." I was a little confused by this sentence at first since it had just been stated that Kosovo's structure is (C)(C)V(V). So maybe just add a word specifying that you mean the structure in full is rare (e.g., "The full CCVV structure..."). Or you could be like "Syllables structured CCVV, however, are extremely rare, as Kokota does not use..." (4th sentence under "Syllable structure")
- I'd start a new paragraph at "In CC initial syllables, the first consonant (C1)..." (5th sentence under "Syllable structure")
- "and finally because of the present transition" → "and the present transition" (3rd sentence under "Stress")
MORPHOLOGY
- Affixation looks good! I don't see anything to change here
- The cliticization subsection is great too. Just one tiny suggestion—I think it'd be good to break up the following sentence into two: "/histori/ is the root and it means 'history' and when /na/ is added after, it indicates 3rd person singular possessive tense meaning ('of it') and thus we get 'history of it' with one clitic."
- Under Partial Reduplication, "create" should be "creates"
- Compounding subsection is perfect!
- Awesome job on morphology; there's almost nothing you need to change here in my opinion
SYNTAX
- In your first syntax example with the chicken, I think you could format it slightly differently. I'd remove the full sentence in Kokota directly above the table, since the first line of the table already contains the sentence in full. If you really want the whole sentence to be present (w/out table boundaries within it), though, I'd combine it with your previous sentence "An example is shown in the gloss below" to have something like "An example using the Kokota sentence 'ia koilo ne zogu ka kokorako' is shown in the gloss below." So then go straight into the table. And likewise, rather than leave the English translation hanging below the table, you could add a 4th row to your table, merge the 3 cells, and then paste the English translation there. I think making those changes could just help make it slightly more visually clear/readable. (so that it goes straight from introducing the example, to illustrating the example in the table, to giving the lil asterisked points below the table)
- If you do make that change^, then for consistency I think you should format the subsequent 3 examples the same way. like, for example, just delete the line that says "ia do 'the mosquito'" and replace it with an added row (cells merged) at the bottom of the table with 'the mosquito' (only a superrr minor suggestion though!)
- The syntax section is very straightforward and understandable overall! Compared to the previous sections, though, it feels slightly more skeletal. Is there any additional information relevant to Kokota syntax (e.g., unique features) that you could include here? (but there's nothing wrong with the info provided here; the contrast that's felt in substance really just speaks to the awesome job you did with adding relevant information in the previous sections!)
OVERALL EVAL
- Honestly your page is SO great overall! I mean it.
- You did a really good job with adding in extra information beyond the bare minimum from our practica (and struck a great balance in providing relevant context, but not overcrowding the sections with an excessive/overbearing amount of detail).
- The writing itself is strong. The sections are generally very clearly-written and easy to follow.
- Likewise, the article is very clearly organized, with a logical progression of concepts throughout and within the sections.
- So, there are only minor things left to fix -- wording changes here and there, some formatting adjustments, a few typos -- and they'd all just be to promote additional clarity.
- It's clear that time & hard work went into this draft; the good news is that these later stages of drafting should be comparatively simple/low-key because of that. so, good on you! :)
- (btw, sorry if these edits come across as overly nit-picky! that wasn't my intention.. it's just there were almost no big-picture changes that needed to be made to your page, so the only areas where I felt like suggestions would actually be helpful to you ended up being those more minor points)
Great work, Grace!!!