Instructor Comments on Peer Review/Draft 2=

JamarcusW I am so sorry, I just realized now that you didn't receive a peer review! I wish you had told me earlier, since I could have left you feedback earlier and you could have been working on your article this entire time. So, in lieu of a peer review I'll leave my comments and edits for you, and I'd like you to respond to my review with an acknowledegment and your plan for the final article ASAP. Grade for Draft 2: 10/15 (11, -1 late). Gardneca (talk) 19:03, 26 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Good work adding content, but there are no citations whatsoever on your new content which is a major problem! Where did you get this information? Without a citation this will be considered plagiarism, so add references immediately.
Overall, I like your organization, but every section is so short - can you please add more content to beef up these sections?
Copy edits below in bold

Childhood & Education

Childhood for plebeians was not at all similar to a regular childhood in todays society. Plebeian children were forced into adulthood at a much earlier age than their patrician counterparts. It was believed that plebeian children enter the work force at a much younger age and were valued for their ability to care for their parents as they aged. Education was sparse for plebeian children , only learning the very basics of writing, reading and mathematics from their parents rather than going to school. Plebeian families with a bit more wealth were able to send their children to schools to get a better education. Rephrase for clarity, something like this:

Plebeian childhood was very different from the childhood of patrician children, since they were expected to enter the workforce at an earlier age. Plebeians typically belonged to a lower socio-economic class than their patrician counterparts, and therefore did not have as many household servants. As a result, plebeian children were responsible for maintaining the household and caring for their aging parents. Their education was largely the responsibility of their parents, if there was formal education at all. Only wealthy plebeians could afford to send their children to school or to hire a private tutor.

Note: these sentences are only suggestions and should only be incorporated if they can be properly cited!

Living Quarters Ruins of an Ancient Rome Insulae

Plebeians in ancient Rome lived in buildings called insulaeBold text, apartment buildings that housed multiple families. These apartments usually lacked running water and heat. Not all plebeians lived in these horrid conditions, as some wealthier plebs were able to live in a single-family home, called a domus.

Note: Horrid is biased language, explain the squalor by paraphrasing academic sources.

Attire

Plebeien men wore a tunic with a belt at the waist and women wore a long dress called a stola.

Meals Since meat was very expensive, animal products such as pork, beef and veal would have been considered a delicacy for plebeians. Instead, a plebeian diet mainly consisted of bread and vegetables. Common flavouring for food included honey, vinegar, and different herbs and spices. A well known condiment to this day known as garum which is a fish sauce was also largely consumed.

Instructor Comments on Peer Review/Draft 1

Jarbobinkly thanks for your review! There are some really great suggestions here, for both the content and the presentation. Don't hold back on your critiques, you seem almost apologetic in some areas! Your tone is supportive and positive - remember, we all have the same goal of improving these articles, so constructive criticism is key and not something that needs to be qualified. Overall, great job! Grade: 19/20 Gardneca (talk) 13:06, 4 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

JamarcusW I really like the re-organization that you're doing here, I think this will vastly improve the clarity of your page. Your peer reviewer gave you some great suggestions for improvement, regarding both existing content and potential changes to make. Please incorporate all the critiques they've outlined below, and once that is done your biggest challenge will simply be to add a lot more content to your page. This is the only major drawback to your first draft, in that I want to see a lot more information and a lot more references to really bring this page to the next level. You've got your work cut out for you, so keep at it! Grade: 17/20 Gardneca (talk) 13:06, 4 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing: JamarcusW

Link to draft you're reviewing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JamarcusW/Plebs

Lead evaluation:

It does not appear as though the draft adds to the lead section of the article. I do think the lead of the main article should be addressed as it does not really represent the content that is already there and will not represent the content you are going to add. It is overly concise to the point where the main themes of the article aren't represented. I think the information already there is good I would just add a little more to it :)

Content evaluation

The content you are adding to the article seems really on topic and relevant to the article. You'll definitely need more sources and information to really round out and beef up the "conflict of orders" section and the "life as a pleb" section. If you can, adding the cause and result of each secession would be a great way to fill out that section and keep each of them consistent.

Tone and balance evaluation

The content you've added is neutral and does not attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or another. The "conflict of orders section" could use some more sources as the view point from the class text is over represented.

Sources and references evaluation

Sources are current, all the sections have references to at least one of the sources. Be careful with the article you are using because the tone is very one sided ex: "spoiled wealthy elite". I would try to find some sources on the "conflict or orders" to make it cover the topic more thoroughly and you will need sources for the unfinished sections of the article. Links work.

Organization evaluation

Content that has been added is well organized. The first 2-3 sentences of the introduction in the "Conflict or Orders" section and the last sentence of the "First Secession" could use a little work to make them flow better. Reading things out load is a great way to spot things that don't flow well :). Overall the content added is clear and concise.

Images and media evaluation

No new images or media were added. I would strongly suggest finding a few images to add to the article to spice it up. An image would do well with the "Life as a Pleb" section and you could look for paintings or interpretations of the secession of the plebs/conflict of orders.

New Article Evaluation

Not a new article.

Overall evaluation

Overall the content being added will definitely improve the article and make the information available on the topic more complete. The content that has been added is clear and concise and backed up by good sources. You also did a really good job linking to other existing articles mentioned! I think just adding more sources and expanding on what you have is a really good way forward, this looks like a great starting point to build a well fleshed out article.

Jarbobinkly (talk) 00:45, 2 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]