User talk:Kgoveas/Forty Elephants
Kanishga Balamurrugarajan Peer Reviewed: Overall, I enjoyed this article! I noticed that there is a question stated in the history section : "Why was the gang's name changed to forty elephants?" and I would suggest you turn it into a statement.
JALEN LOMAX COMMENTS 11/29/2020: Overall I think this article is great. It isn't typical which causes it to be even more interesting to the reader. Great job finding relevant information that we can learn from!
- Instead of posing the question 'Why was the gangs name interchanged with "Forty Elephants"' you could say something along the lines of 'The name forty elephants partly stems from...'
- Perhaps you could include something about how the statistics of arrests back then compare to the statistics of modern day. Maybe you will find that the statistics are very similar and this is a bias that has withstood the test of time.
- I believe the last line is should be changed for better clarification. Are you stating that there is no difference between male and female crime organizations? If so, I believe you should say something along the lines of 'although people try to separate male and female crime syndicates, studies show that there is usually no main difference'. I believe that the sentence you have now is not as clear. I also think its important to remember that the tone of the writing should be informational and objective. Right now the sentence suggests that people think of male and female crime syndicates differently. The important thing is to make sure a study or something is cited to support this sentence structure.
MADDY ARROYO COMMENTS 11/19/2020 (There was no option like my other article I was reviewing to start a sandbox peer review for Forty Elephants so my comments will be here until that is changed: I was really fascinated by this page! At first, I was a little confused as to why you chose this page to edit. I couldn't see the the relation of this to our class topic until the very end. The incorporation of the social bias and inequality related to Mary Carr really tied the whole article together and highlighted the importance of this with relation to our class. I had some suggestions that you can interpret as your own:
-- "Male gangs usually have little reason when fighting cruelly for territory. It is definitely shown that the Forty Elephants were not criminals just to fight over territory, but so that they can have their own earning in the financial aspect. Female and male gangs have different motivations when being involved in the underworld crime." Perhaps you can back this up further with another source or study showing the differences in motivation between men and women? I think it could make this argument stronger.
-- "Hoisters were considered to be very skilled people who avoided getting caught whenever possible by using different aliases." This is repeated twice. Did you mean for that?
-- "Women were thought to be not as cruel and the "fairer sex" as compared to men and therefore, women were given shorter sentences in prison. The reality was that women were known to be just as merciless and cruel as men were." Again, maybe another opportunity for you to include an additional source. Find a study that highlights this difference. Perhaps there is a study out there that shows men and women being accused of the same crime, being found guilty, but women still receiving a shorter sentence or less severe consequence compared to men. This could also strengthen your argument!
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