User talk:Mmire9/sandbox

Mmire Explain exactly what marriage bars are, not only what they did. Instead of having such basic sentence structure, you could say something like: There are two types marriage bars which are… “Since these women are married, they are supported by there husband, therefore, do not need a job” –is this a fact, seems biased, where did it come from. “Another reason was unmarried women are more reliable and mobile than married women.” –this can be argued. Try something like: According to…..unmarried women are more reliable. Needs to see more of the other side, why was this put in place to start with. You need headings and need to put in the sources properly. Heading one: Marriage Bars etc. Need to add more references, where are your sources? Where did your info come from, could add other wiki pages into it as well as scholarly articles and popular sources? Organization needs to be better. Did it end discrimination based on sex of married women. Needs more detail, some of it is rather vague. Sentence structure is a little too basic grammar needs to be worked on. Could use better transitions between topic, it sort of jumps all over the place. You alter between present and past tense throughout the article, needs to be fixed. Overall, I think your article needs a lot more work and that you need to add more research and elaborate more on your topic. Khoff17 (talk) 13:17, 27 October 2015 (UTC)