User talk:Mmwamba
100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way 1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife. 2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled. 3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally. 4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings. 5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific. 6. Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them. 7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand. 8. Express to her that you need and value her. 9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it. 10. Find something that makes you laugh together. 11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently. 12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks. 13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first. 14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life. 15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive. 16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE. 17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey) 18. Show her that she matters more to you than any activity you could do, or any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage. 19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says. 20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together. 21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once. 22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward). 23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year. 24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven). 25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life. 26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted. 27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that! 28. Defend her to others—especially to your family. 29. Don’t belittle her intelligence. 30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer. 31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child. 32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well. 33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details. 34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together. 35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead. 36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others. 37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her. 38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her. 39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible. 40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her. 41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife. 42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”) 43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you. 44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift. 45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late. 46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk. 47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her. 48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others. 49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner. 50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together. 51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care. 52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her. 53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.” 54. Run errands without complaining. 55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives. 56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours. 57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television. 58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children. 59. Show partnership by not making plans without her knowing and agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise for her). 60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife. 61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey) 62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP. 63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging). 64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears. 65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them). 66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further). 67. Keep yourself in as good of shape as is reasonable so she’s proud to be with you. 68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family. 69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two. 70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.) 71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way. 72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else. 73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money. 74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love. 75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry. 76. Show affection for her in front of friends. 77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways. 78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions. 79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose. 80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged. 81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time. 82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition). 83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny. 84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb. 85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her. 86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact. 87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife). 88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her. 89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children. 90. Fix dinner for her sometimes. 91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can. 92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day. 93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children. 94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues. 95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done. 96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often. 97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her. 98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together to deepen your marital relationship. 99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her. 100. Show her affection without sexual intentions. 1. Be a student of her. Where do her passions, gifting, and abilities lie? What energizes her? When does she lose track of time because she’s enjoying herself so much? What weights does she bear? (Can you learn incredible things about this woman that even she doesn’t know?) 2. Ask God for special wisdom in understanding your wife and in loving her well (James 1:5-6). 3. Make a list of 30 things that you love and/or appreciate about her. Write them on separate sticky notes, and leave one somewhere in the house every day for an entire month. 4. For what ministry has God created your wife in order to build up His people? Give her time and energy to pursue it. 5. Take care of the kids for a day so that she can have a personal spiritual retreat to recharge. 6. Listen to her sincerely: Observe her words, body language, and circumstances in order to compassionately understand her. Make eye contact with her, and ask thoughtful questions, like “How did that affect you?” or basic who/what/where/when/why/how questions. 7. If she’s got a budding hobby or one that’s been neglected, purchase something small but high-quality that she would enjoy: quality paintbrushes, a beautiful journal, photo software, a top-notch cooking knife, new gloves, athletic equipment (ahem … only if she loves athletics), a well-recommended book on her hobby. Include a note: Just because I love the way you’re made. 8. Pray with her, and for her, on a regular basis. Consider making it a regular item in your schedule, such as before you leave for work or go to bed. 9. Compile a CD with songs that specifically encourage things you love about her. Let her know that you intentionally chose these for her and about her. 10. When circumstances, conversation, or even movies or songs bring up an area in which she excels, lean over and whisper, “You know, you do that so well. I love how you use ___ to bless the people around you.” 11. Identify the “life-suckers” in her life. What saps her energy? Consider the points of friction that she often faces in her daily routines. Prayerfully ask God to help you see not only what weighs on her, but also how you could help her. Initiate conversation to compassionately find solutions with her. Ask, “What could be done to make that less painful (or less difficult)?” 12. Gently encourage your children to thank her for different ways she serves them: When they have clean laundry, when she serves dinner, when she drops them off at school. (Make sure you’re modeling consistent gratitude for little things, too.) 13. Identify your wife’s “love language”—what makes her feel loved and valued. Is it words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time, or acts of service? She may have more than one. Become fluent in each of her "languages." 14. What pleasures in your life do you enjoy that your wife isn’t able to enjoy? She might not be into fishing like you are, for example, but maybe she’d like her own version of alone time. Like you, she might be honored by accolades for her projects well-done, a chance to finish a conversation, or sleeping in on a Saturday. 15. Allow your wife to set your standard of beauty, and make it clear to her that she is secure: Your eyes are only for her. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or pastor and accountability websites like x3watch.com to develop monogamous eyes that come from a monogamous heart … and a husband she can trust. Security gives way to confidence. 16. Talk through your budget together with her. Make sure you both have the resources you need to care for your family well. If you primarily manage the budget, ask her to make at least one change before finalizing it. Esteem wise financial decisions she’s made. 17. Be a student of her body. Ask her, both while you’re in bed and at a completely separate private time, how you can please her sexually and make her feel secure and beautiful. Seek tenderly to understand her past and how it affects her in the bedroom. Be prepared to humbly accept what she says, embracing her without defensiveness. 18. Gently protect her. Lovingly help her set boundaries with her time, energy, resources, and relationships (kids and mothers-in-law included). 19. Give her a massage—one that doesn’t lead to sex, unless she’s clear that making love is what she would enjoy most. 20. Send her an e-mail. Example: “Praying for you today. Thanks for being so courageous in ___.” 21. Give her one night on a regular basis to do something she loves. Occasionally surprise her with an afternoon “off” so she can do something fun or just be alone. 22. Consistently mention ways you see her growing to be more like Christ. 23. Ask her about her “bucket list”—the top things she’d like to do in her lifetime. 24. Give her a book or audio CD to learn about something she loves doing. 25. Text her on a stressful day. Example: “REMINDER: I BELIEVE IN U.” 26. Leave a message on her voicemail: “Thanks for serving our family every day. You are so good at ___.” 27. Be proactive about doing something together that she really enjoys. Make a date, get her excited, and share her enthusiasm! 28. Ask her, “If there were one thing I could do to love you better, to really cherish you—and you knew I would listen—what would it be?” Be prepared to follow through. 29. Tell her areas she’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so she can trust you. 30. Talk with her about setting aside a small part of the budget to pursue the unique ways God has designed her (including her gifts, abilities, and passions)—through education or through sheer enjoyment. 31. Post on her Facebook wall: “I love being your husband. You still take my breath away.” 32. Have your children write her notes or letters about what they love about her as a mom. 33. Ask, “If I could do one thing that would really empower you and inspire you, what would it be?” Listen and follow through. 34. As you think of them, remind her of specific times when she has made an impact in the lives of others. “Hey, I was thinking the other day about all the times you’ve invested in all those kids who come over here. You do such a good job making people feel welcomed and loved on.” “I don’t think I could count all the meals you’ve brought to people who are sick. You are wonderful at seeing people’s needs and giving of yourself to them.” 35. Do something fun and unexpected together. Here are a few ideas: play paintball, laser tag, or sand volleyball; organize a picnic and bring the books you’re reading; take photos of each other; play a pickup game of a sport together; go to a drive-in movie, bringing popcorn and her favorite candy (let her initiate any physical advances for this one). 36. Think about a way you’ve been hurting her or annoying her. Maybe there are ways you’re not “seeing” her—not stepping into her world to understand what it’s like to be her, with all of the things she cares about (see 1 Peter 3:7). Apologize, and work hard at showing true change. 37. Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis, even if it’s working outside together or playing the Wii together after the kids are in bed. 38. Create a fun, life-giving atmosphere when you come home. 39. Design a date night that will help her to de-stress and have fun. (Dare I suggest ballroom dancing lessons?) 40. What’s difficult about her life right now? Pray for her endurance, and encourage her specifically. Galatians 6:9 is a great start for both. Think, What can I do to ease the load she’s carrying today? 41. Organize or clean something of yours that you know she finds messy. 42. Talk with her about her fears—both deep and insignificant. Over time, lead her as you work together to replace those fears with faith in God as expressed in His Word. 43. Send a snail-mail love note to her at home, affirming all she does for your family. 44. Think of something on her to-do list that she finds overwhelming or for which she doesn’t have much time. Talk with her (respectfully and gently) about the possibility of having it hired out (maybe you could pay a responsible high school student to log a few hours on housework). Communicate clearly that it’s not because you find her incompetent, but that you want to free her up from a burden. 45. If your wife likes to dress nicely, go with her to shop for clothes in which she feels confident and looks fantastic. 46. Be an advocate for her rest. Gently help her to evaluate and set limits on her to-do list, reminding her that she loves others best when she takes time to replenish. 47. Let her overhear you speaking well of her on the phone—among friends, to your kids, in public places, and to your mother. Tenderly but firmly keep family members from speaking disrespectfully to her or about her. 48. In her area of weakness, pray about how to subtly, gently step in and help her. 49. Request, “I’d like you to think about something for me. I’d like you to tell me one area in which you want to challenge me, but you wonder if I will listen and if I’ll receive it well. If you’ll do that, I commit to listen to you without getting defensive or somehow punishing you for telling me.” 2. If and when she messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives us. Respond in a way that communicates, You’re safe with me—and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow … and I love the journey with you
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