User talk:Mrubin1996/sandbox

Feedback

For lead section, start with the sentence "Organophosphate pesticides are considered as a highly poisonous neurotoxin which targets central nervous system". I would delete the first sentence and then move the next two "In 2007...mass-production farming operations" to after the sentence I suggested you start with; so the article is more clearly focused on organophosphates right from the start. Tamsberk (talk) 16:53, 10 March 2017 (UTC)

In the "Causal Pathways and Biology" section, what is the end of the 2nd main point? what "outcompeting the" ___? Also for the third point about the chemical structure of organophosphates being similar to DNA, I would definitely try to be a little more specific with this. How are they similar? Does this structural similarity imply any biological consequences? This could be really valuable information. Best of luck! Tamsberk (talk) 23:44, 10 March 2017 (UTC) Oh and definitely add sources for those two points! Tamsberk (talk) 23:45, 10 March 2017 (UTC)

The section topics and outline are off to a great start! In the affected populations section, it is great that you mentioned poverty and lack of US citizenship, but maybe introduce some more aspects of environmental justice (think how will this article help affected people). Also might be relevant to mention the state of healthcare in the US and how undocumented people can't get medicaid. I think in the first section, you could do more to explain why pesticides harm women worse than other people. It is because of biology (hormones/pregnancy?) or social factors (women more marginalized, less access to healthcare?). Are organophosphates equally harmful to men? Also if you could find some sort of graph or chart of data showing adverse effects, that would help provide a visual to back up your claims. Additionally, what are some solutions being implemented or discussed? Maybe organic farming or stricter labor laws- and how will those be effected under T***p? However since this is an encyclopedia and supposed to be objective, maybe provide some counterargument such as the levels of organophosphate considered "safe," or what companies already do for workers. Also in the history section it would be helpful to mention the history of farmworker activism, and what people have already been doing within EJ to fight against organophosphate contamination. I think the tone and amount of citations in the first section is great for wikipedia. I can tell you are still working on the last few sections, just make sure as you go along that you have plenty of sources. Good job! Laejstudent2 (talk) 00:58, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

Adding on to the history section, I think looking at the Organophosphate Poisoning wikipedia page will help a lot! Especially focusing on the U.S., I think it would be good to discuss the history of legislation and regulation around it. Were there debates about it? Were people angry about organophosphate being used to make all of these different toxic chemicals? When did people first find out it was poisonous? How is regulation different in Europe and other places? I also think what Lauren said about talking about the history of farmworker justice would be really good, for example Cesar Chavez and the United Farm Workers.EJAlly (talk) 06:50, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

Hi! I’m reviewing for ‘Politics’. It looks like you guys have a lot of stuff down for the Trump Administration - good job on the timely material! Make sure to capitalize each word and watch out for grammar. Be sure to write out the acronym out first and then use it. Consider adding the importance of these issues and how do they relate to the article's topic. For point 2, try to expand on it more. Any more causes on why EPA would have diminishing power? What kinds of environmental implications would happen? For point 3, what is the correlation with touching pesticides and being deported for these migrant workers? As for the wall, how does this relate to organophosphate pesticides? Don't forget to add sources! Just some questions to consider while working on this section. Otherwise, good job and good luck! Quackxo (talk) 17:03, 11 March 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Prof. Gelobter

Great great start!!

My only comment so far really is that given your focus on particularly vulnerable populations (farmworkers, people of color, low-income people, folks in developing nations) you may want to have your scaffoding and outline reflect that more explicitly.

The politics heading...may be better to say "Impacts (or Potential Impacts) under the Trump Administration"

brainstorm: "Interactions between worker status and pesticide risks" dunno, that seemed like an interesting sub-section title or something like that.

Keep up the good work!

and check out overlaps/intersections with: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lejacretcher/sandbox are you working together?

--EJustice (talk) 01:17, 15 March 2017 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by EJustice (talk • contribs) 00:30, 15 March 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Garrison

• Great job so far! The article is well organized and has comprehensive information on the topic.

• Are there any images or graphics you could add to the article?

• Please add categories to your article.

• You’ve done a good job of linking to other articles, but no articles link to yours, making it an “orphan”. Please add as many of these as you can.

• Good job with citations.

• I recommend reformatting the citation for the table under the nervous system section.

• Other effects section is blank.

• Keep up the great work! California1990 (talk) 02:44, 3 April 2017 (UTC)

Feedback Response

Melissa

Great suggestions and obviously the History of Use section is still in the works. As I further this section, I will take the suggestions into consideration. Some of the suggested context will also appear under the Affected Population section — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mrubin1996 (talk • contribs) 05:26, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

Athena

Responding to Tamsberk cuz I'm responsible for the biology part of the article: yeah we didnt really complete it fully when the peer review was due, but we just got together tonight and we have some gr8 stuff in store for the scaffold/final draft. Ive completed the thought that you pointeded out for the incomplete sentence, and we'll look at organization a lot more closer as we approach final submission. However, your comments really helped us focus and pinpoint problem spots in our article. Thanks for your time! Ejproject (talk) 06:26, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

Kelly

(responding mostly to @Laejstudent2 since this review addresses the affected population mostly) These are really good questions I will definitely address, since they pertain to the unique nature of women's and children's health. This section probably won't address men's health since this article topic would get too broad. And organophosphates (or many pesticides in general) has unique impacts on prenatal health of pregnant women. We found a chart, so that was a great suggestion. Thanks!! Climatechang (talk) 05:39, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

Elizabeth

Thanks for the advice! We definitely want to try to focus more on minority groups and how the trump administration will affect them however we are having trouble finding resources for that. Also, there is already a group doing a page about farmworkers so were trying to cover other groups. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Egrayson19 (talk • contribs) 05:42, 16 March 2017 (UTC)