User talk:NoamaanF1201/sandbox

In the first line of the summary/abstract, delete the space in syndrome.
Don't forget to go back and edit reference hyperlinks.
Article could use a couple pictures.
You could eliminate or replace some of the medical jargon.
Your article looks great so far and is very detailed. I like how you tell us what the tests are for under the diagnosis.

Hannaniakollor (talk) 19:44, 18 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! I will make the corrections you suggested, and yes I was aware of the references that lacked hyperlinks, I was not sure which sources I would use or if I was going to find more on the text I wrote so I chose to leave those as numbers as notes for myself. NoamaanF1201 (talk) 02:18, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Don't forget to add mechanism/pathology
Prevention and treatment along with epidemiology and research direction need to be filled out
Are there any sources that were used to do the other sections if so I have not been able to click on them
All your other sections look incredibly well thought out and well done.

Myda Khan — Preceding unsigned comment added by Myda23.khan (talk • contribs) 20:30, 18 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

For the sources, I wrote down numbers in parentheses to remind myself to add them later. Thank you for your other suggestions, I will make those corrections! NoamaanF1201 (talk) 02:18, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Needs citations. I see some numbers, but they don't actual link to references. If you're having trouble using the citation manager, please come see me. Even with those citaitons, however, it would still need more.
Proteinuria is really a sign, not a symptom
Link your symptoms to their pages.
Cause looks like it's in process, but make sure you finish it.
Obviously, several sections are empty, so I can't give you feedback on them.
Diagnosis is written like a bulleted list, but not set up as one. It could also use a little more explanation of what's happening there.

--Sweiner02 (talk) 04:58, 21 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Citations will be hyperlinked, I just put numbers as references for myself. As far as the diagnosis, I listed them as bullets for how I want to set it up, but the final version will likely be in paragraph form. I did think proteinuria was a symptom so thank you for correcting that! I will take your other recommendations into consideration Dr. Weiner, thank you! NoamaanF1201 (talk) 02:18, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

From first glance, it is clear that project is not fully completed. Seemed like you were rushed and did not add everything you wanted to add.
For the diagnosis section, perhaps add more detail to each sentence that you added. As a person that does not know what this condition is, it makes it more confusing.
For the signs and symptoms section, it would be beneficial if you were to introduce the symptoms before just listing them.
Overall, for the sections you do have completed, they are very detailed! Looks like it would be a good project.

Lzuniga04 (talk) 17:14, 21 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, it was not completed, unfortunately. I did think about introducing the symptoms before listing them, but I'm not sure how to do that without being repetitive but I will certainly try. Thank you for your input and I'll make the corrections you suggested!