User talk:Pjplummer/sandbox

I think you should try to avoid including your opinion and not use adjectives to describe Dorothy such as 'beautiful.' Also I took out that you mentioned she was a gemini in the edits because this didn't seem like necessary information especially since you list her birthdate right after. I also added some headings to section things off a bit, such as her name up at the top and references. Feel free to include more information about her personal life and then some more work that she completed and then add separate headings for each of those as well. There is definitely more research that can be done but overall it is a good start and provides you something to work with! ----valerie

Great start! I agree with Valerie, I think you need to delve into some more information on the specific plays she wrote. You could seperate a few important ones into their own sections and talk about the plots, characters, etc. Maybe some of her strongest works would be good choices for this. Just some little grammar stuff, the first line under Background should have Dorothy before the word was (just to clarify who you are talking about). Also your first line of the Career paragraph is a quote, however you only have quotation marks at the end. Don't forget to put some in the front as well! If possible try to find out some more information about her personal life (maybe interests, hobbies, that kind of thing) so that you can make that it's own section including the information on her marriage. Good luck! Rdanto825 (talk) 18:02, 1 December 2014 (UTC)Rdanto825[reply]

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I also think adding deeper descriptions of her most popular screenplays would help. You could include not only what the screenplays were about, but maybe note if anyone famous or any big stars appeared in them.
Also a sentence you may want to revise this sentence: "Throughout her career, Warner Brothers, MGM, United Artists, and Gaumont-British, it was reported in 1927, at the height of her profession, by the Washington Post that Farnum’s earnings was at $2,500 a week for her services as scenarist." Maybe try: "It was reported in 1927 by the Washington Post that, at the height of her profession, Farnum earned $2,500 a week for her services as a scenarist working for Warner Bros., MGM, United Artists and Gaumont-British.

Good Luck-NickP38