User talk:Pjuan8/Visual communication

Round 2 Feedback

Greetings @Pjuan8:! You have received helpful feedback from Samtaliuw (link) and Erick.merc (link). Erick.merc said that the article's looking really good and I tend to agree. It's clear you've done a lot of work to substantially rewrite and reorganize the article and you've definitely improved it! When you started working on this article it was rated wp:start-class on Wikipedia's quality scale and I think you're really in striking distance from improving the quality all the way to wp:c-class. This would be a really meaningful contribution to Wikipedia. I'm giving you feedback with this goal in mind.

The only major issues I see with your current version of the article are the organization and the lead. First, I suggest that you pay attention to the section headers and make sure that they do a good job describing the content of each section. For instance, I think that "Social" is not specific enough of a header while "Transmedia circulation, Appropriation and Control" is descriptive, but kind of jargon laden. Part of moving to an encyclopedic tone means not using jargon terms without defining them first and it's best to minimize the jargon in the headers.

After you're done with the headers I suggest reworking the organization of the article so that the most important concepts come first. I also suggest starting with the broad ideas and then moving toward the more specific ideas. One issue with the current organization is that it seems like the organization is broken down more by the source (i.e., the "Social" section mostly references the introduction to the special issue of **Visual Communication** while the "Political" section mostly references the **Review of Communication** article). But some of the ideas in these sections overlap and are related. I think would be good to make the article shorter by merging related sections, removing repetitive information, and making the writing overall more condense.

Samtaliuw suggested that you can improve the writing style of the article and I agree. This doesn't only apply to the content you've added, but also to the entire article. Samtaliuw left a great example of how to write using an wp:encyclopedic tone and I urge you to follow it while making the article as easy to read as possible.

Finally, I think you should rewrite the lead so that it more accurately reflects the content of the article. You've already done well in improving the lead, but based on the lead I would not really expect the kind of information that follows. I think the last sentence of the first paragraph might be too specific, but the second paragraph is doing a good job pointing to the importance of visual communication in the social world which is more like the article is about, so I'd try expanding the second paragraph just a little bit to reference the topics of the major article sections.

Once you're done with these revisions I think you'll be nearly ready to make your article live by migrating it to the mainspace. I suggest you take a look at my page on polishing your article for ideas for your next round of work on this project. I especially think that doing things like adding wikilinks to the new sections you've developed, "also see" links, categories, and external links are good things to do when polishing an article.

Reach out to me when you're ready for more feedback or if you think you're ready to make your article live. Nice work so far! I'm really looking forward to seeing the final version! Groceryheist (talk) 21:13, 4 February 2021 (UTC)

Response:

Hello @Groceryheist:! I finished my edits, I wanted to see if you could review it before moving the article to the mainspace?

Thank you!

Message from ColinAndersonUofO

The title reads: "Pjuan8/Visual communication" -- how can we correct this to simply reflect the topic, Visual communication? --ColinAndersonUofO (talk) 01:07, 3 February 2021 (UTC)