User talk:Rbachman/sandbox
 | This article was the subject of an educational assignment. |
Peer Review
[edit]Hi Rachel! This was the most recent article edits I could find for you, so I reviewed this content. If there is a more updated version, let me know and I can review it. That being said, it looks like you have an interested topic and a promising start to an article, it just needs more content.
Writing Style
[edit]- A little weasel-y, especially in the first paragraph. Try to be more definitive (ex. As of May 2013, Russia had 653,000 ... orphans OR After the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, ...).
- Are you using "homeless youth" and "orphans" to mean the same thing? Make this clear so that your statistics make sense in comparison to one another.
- Good use of clear wording and concise sentences!
Structure of Article
[edit]- The intro paragraph is good, although it could always be expanded to be more of a summary to the article to follow.
- The idea of social orphans is very interesting and could be expanded more into its own section.
- Add more to the historical background section. What are some reasons for the dramatic increase in orphans?
- Add more of an intro to the state institutions heading. The first sentence jumps right into the statistics but a little background on how they get to state institutions, what happens there, etc. would be helpful for the uninformed reader.
- You could add an image from WikiCommons, maybe of a Russian orphanage building?
Content
[edit]- In the first paragraph break-down of where the children are, more specifics in the adoption and foster-care would be useful. Are they adopted within Russia or by people in other countries?
- Make sure to cite an outside source when you say that the children aren't given any help to transition to the outside world. This could be a 'peacock' wording situation, too.
WP Community Standards
[edit]- You can definitely add hyperlinks to this article. For example, link to the Russia page, the orphanage page, etc.
- Work on your citations section. You don't need to list the title of the articles above the references section. Instead, work to add more article and references to the document.