User talk:Richa.d25/article

Peer Eval Celine 2

This article is great. You do a really nice job of organizing your information and presenting it in a way that proves your writer is notable without sounding overly biased. Your introduction paragraph is also very strong--it provides a great road map for where the article is going. I would suggest adding links to other wikipedia articles, but that is really the only thing I noticed that needs improving. Great job!

128.84.126.43 (talk) 05:34, 10 October 2014 (UTC)

Peer Eval Celine 1

This article is really great--you did a nice job or organizing relevant information in a way that was clear and logical while still establishing the notability of your writer. There are a few instances throughout your article where the readability could be improved if you split sentences up. For example

"Suhayr al-Qalamawi was born on July 20th, 1911 in Cairo and lived there throughout her early life. She was born to a family that took pride in educating its female members[2] and therefore took advantage of her father’s rich library of works by Taha Hussain, Tahtawi, Ibn Iyas, and others to help advance her literary talent."

would be easier to understand if you re-arranged a few of the clauses. you could write: ...born in Cairo, where she lived for the first part of her life. Born to a family that took pride in the education of its women, al-Qalamawi was able to take advantage of her father's extensive library from an early age. Her exposure to authors like Taha....others at helped her advance her literary skills and shape her voice as a writer.

The same thing happens a few more times through this section of the article. The same sort of revision could be done on the first sentence of the next paragraph. I instances like this, where the first clause of the sentence is not the subject of the sentence, it makes it a little confusing to read, so be careful not to do it too much.

Another example is from theworks section: "Al-Qalamawi then moved up to professor and later chairperson of the Arabic Department between the years 1958-1967 and was the first woman to do so. She was the president of the Arab Feminist Union and in 1959, she became the head of the League of Arab Women University Graduates[2] and set the basis of cooperation between the Egyptian Union and the World Union of Universities"

In this case, it may be better to start with the year so the reader immediately has a frame of reference.  In 1958, Al-Qalamawi became the first female professor at the University of Cairo before being promoted to Chairman of the Arabic Department.  Al-Qalamawi was president of the Arab Feminist Union and, in 1959, became the head of the ....  While occupying this position, the helped establish cooperation between..."

I also suggest linking in other wikipedia articles, as this is a really easy way to make your article "stick." One place this could work is when you reference the 1919 egyptian revolution, which has a wikipedia page here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egyptian_Revolution_of_1919

Like I said before, the research for this article is really really good and you do a nice job of organizing it--I would just suggest improving sentence structure in a few places.

Pianoboe105 (talk) 14:42, 7 October 2014 (UTC)

Peer Evaluation by Lauren

Richa,

I really enjoyed reading your article on Suhary al-Qalmawi as I think you provided a very comprehensive and detailed summary of her life.  Particularly, your section on “Life and Education and “Work and Impact” provides a good summary of her most impressive, long-term accomplishments. I also found your writing and style to be very clear and easy to read.

One thing I would suggest, however, is in terms of reorganization, breaking up this section to just "Impact," which will just discuss her lasting contributions.  The "Work" aspect that is in this section should be filtered into the other sections or even be its own section, as this is a central part of her career.  

I would also recommend including more items in your wikipedia article that can be cited to other wikipedia pages in order to make it more "sticky,” so you have a better chance of getting the article published. Any word that relates to a location or race of people should definitely be hyperlinked using word.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading your article on Suhayr Aal-Qalamawi and I think with these additions your article will be greatly improved and pretty much ready to be published!

Lauren — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lkstar33 (talk • contribs) 19:18, 8 October 2014 (UTC)

Reply

Thank you Celine and Lauren! I took your advice and went through my article to break up any long sentences and improve organization. I was thinking about adding a critical reception section but I haven't found any literary reviews of her work. Do you have any advice on how to find these? Thanks again for all your help!! Richa.d25 (talk) 04:11, 9 October 2014 (UTC)

Hi Richa,

This article looks great and ready for submission. I think you provide clear organization and excellent detail for Soheir el-Calamawy's life and works and I also gained a sense of what influenced her writing. I think your choice to not include a critical reception section was wise as it has less to do with her than may be necessary for a wikipedia article. Instead, your decision to focus on her accomplishments and works creates a better sense of who she is as a writer. Great job again and looking forward to seeing this posted!

Lauren — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lkstar33 (talk • contribs) 03:30, 16 October 2014 (UTC)