User talk:Sransom2/sandbox
Temporoparietal Junction - I love this introduction; I wouldn’t change any of it. You use simple language and do not attempt to go into too much detail.
Anatomy - “Posterior” may be too academic a term – provide an explanation - Could provide a link to the Wikipedia page for “fissure” - “The ventral stream of the brain, the 'what' pathway responsible for object recognition, also flows through this area” – I like that you are using the “what” pathway concept because it is easy to understand, however I think you need to explain what you mean by this a little more clearly, as it may confuse some readers the way it is stated now. Suggestion: “The ventral stream of the brain is often referred to as the ‘what’ pathway of the brain because it is responsible for object recognition” - “The left hemisphere of the brain specializes in logical, analytical, and grammatical thinking, with weaknesses noted in the spatial orientation” – unclear what you mean by “weaknesses noted” - I love your choice of images showing where these various brain regions are located
Parietal Lobe - I think you could add some more links in this section, i.e. for spatial processing, visual perception, etc. - The bit about the homunculus is a bit confusing, mainly in your phrasing it “It is represented by” – I do not think it’s clear what you mean by that - “Because the parietal lobe is responsible for various functions, support is provided for the Distributed Network Model, a theory which proposes that suggests neural structures are not specialized, but rather have overlapping functions” – change to “a theory which proposes that neural structures are not….” - “Lesions in the parietal lobe have been found to have impairments in many different areas” – “to have impairments” is a bit of a confusing way to word this. Are you trying to say that lesions result in different kinds of impairments?
Temporal Lobe - Here, and in the earlier anatomy sections, I like that you list the main functions of the area - You use a good amount of detail in your discussion of associative agnosia, etc. - “Evidence is also provided for modularity of the mind, a theory that suggests that information is localized in specific brain areas” – what do you mean by “evidence is also provided for”? Do you mean that damage to the temporal lobe provides evidence for modularity of mind? - “There happens to be many people who disagree with FFA, claiming that perhaps there is no face area” – change: “Many people do not believe in the existence of a FFA”
Theory of the Mind - I find this section a bit confusing. For the most part, you do use simple language here, which is good, but I think that you could make some changes to your introduction to theory of mind to make it easier to understand. The use of the term ‘mind reading,’ for example, is a bit misleading. - I like that you explain what theory of mind has to do with the temporoparietal junction right away
Lesions - You do a great job explaining lesion studies
Left Temporoparietal Junction - Here, and with the section on the Right Temporoparietal Junction, I don’t think you need to include the separate the text under “Left Temporoparietal Junction” and “Functions” - “This is known as Theory of the Mind (TOM), described in detail in the previous section (above)” – “a section above” rather than “the” because it isn’t the section immediately preceding it
Right Temporoparietal Junction - “Because attention is important in many aspects of brain functioning, it is known to be distributed across many areas of the brain, including but not limited to: reticular activating system (RAS), superior colliculus, thalamus, intraparietal sulcus, cingulate cortex, frontal lobe, and the temporoparietal junction” – insert “the” at the beginning of your list (Before reticular activating system) - Does Meister have a first name?
General Comments - I was really impressed with this article. It includes a lot of information and the tone is professional. If most of my suggestions seem nitpicky it’s because I didn’t find a lot that I wanted to change. I especially liked your final sections on the functions of the right and left temporoparietal junctions. - I could be wrong, so maybe check with Jeff, but I find it distracting to include names of researchers in the actual text of the page unless they are big names in the area. You could just say “it has been discovered” rather than “Kim and Robertson” because readers do not know who Kim and Robertson are, and you do not talk about them on your page. - Great use of images - I like how you refer readers to various materials providing more information on the topics which your page does not go into considerable detail on
Hello, overall a very well written article. I just have a few comments and suggestions for you.
Under the Anatomy section you wrote: “The left hemisphere of the brain specializes in logical, analytical, and grammatical thinking, with weaknesses noted in the spatial orientation. The right hemisphere is known for artistic and concrete thinking, with excellent spatial orientation” I am not sure that this kind of information is relevant in your article on the temporoparietal junction. Although it is relevant to neuroanatomy in general, it seems ot be too far off form your topic to be useful. Especially considering the fact that there exists extensive Wikipedia pages on neuroanatomy and psychology which would certainly cover this information and can be easily linked in your article.
I also believe you should use the
beneath your headings for sections such as temporal lobe and parietal lobe.
In your Temporal lobe section you wrote: "It is localized in both the left and right hemispheres of the brain." It doesn’t make sense to say that the temporal lobe is “localized” anywhere. Something like language is localized in a region. The temporal lobe refers to a region of the brain; it is a name for the region. Therefore I suggest you write something like: "It is located in both hemispheres" or "It encompasses a region that exists in both hemispheres."
under temporal lobe: The main functions of the temporal lobe include: auditory processing, pattern recognition, and language comprehension. there should be no colon.
Under temporal lobe you wrote: "This stems from the fact that the fusiform face area (FFA) is situated in the temporal lobe and is responsible for face recognition. Evidence is also provided for modularity of the mind, a theory that suggests that information is localized in specific brain areas [1].
It is not a fact that the FFA even exists at all, which you indicate later on. Also, the second sentence seems awkward and out of place. You could probably do without it or explain it more.
In general the article was very interesting and easy to read, however, I would like to see more talk about the actual region in question: the temporoparietal lobe. A lot of the article goes into detail about parts of the brain that already have wikipedia pages. I understand the value of explaining relevant concepts and terms, but it is important to explicate the relevance of them and delineate the interactions with the temporoparietal lobe. Jfcreaghan (talk) 20:37, 3 April 2013 (UTC)
Sransom2 Comments:
I made minor changes that were described by my classmates. I could not find a first name for Meister. I removed the temporal lobe and parietal lobe sections as recommended by Jeff. I also added in the final summary section as recommended by Jeff.
I chose not to change the TOM section because it does indeed have it's own Wikipedia page. Thus, I know it may seem complex, however it is a complex topic and I could write a whole article just to explain this area. My main intention here was to relate it to the temporoparietal junction, as I did. I linked it to the TOM wikipedia page in order to provide more insight.
I also chose to keep the names of the researchers as I have seen a lot of Wikipedia articles that do this.
Sransom2 (talk) 00:12, 7 April 2013 (UTC)sransom2