User talk:SydneyDale/sandbox
Instructor Feedback (Draft 1)
[edit]You've made some good progress - the lead is in good shape and the first section is well developed as well. You'll want to think more carefully about the organization and structure of the third section.
Lead
[edit]- Spell out numbers < 100, e.g. "three" and "twelfth century"
- Avoid making explicit reference to scholars unless there is a major point of disagreement. Thus: "though Leonin contributed THE bulk of the organum in the repertoire."
- Avoid repeating key words in close succession (e.g. "known")
- I don't think the last sentence is correct. There were earlier collections such as the Codex Calixtinus.
Surviving Manuscripts
[edit]- "The Magnus liber organi is considered most likely to have originated in Paris" - this strikes me as too tentative. Is there anyone who thinks the Magnus liber didn't originate in Paris?
- Again, you don't need to reference "scholars" in the body of the article. Let your references do that work for you.
- Second paragraph: rely less on quotation and do more paraphrasing in your own words (while keeping the references). This is best practice in Wikipedia and in academic writing as well.
Styles and Genres of the Repertoire
[edit]- The first and second paragraphs feel out of place, both because they don't have anything to do with "Styles and Genres" and because the style of writing is so different from what came before. I gather you adopted these from the current article, correct? If you want to keep them, but them in another section and revise them so they are closer to your own voice.
- Consider breaking the third paragraph up into smaller sections organized by genres or styles and each with its own subheading.
- Again, the final paragraph feels out of place int his section.Bdbrand77 (talk) 17:54, 2 December 2020 (UTC)
Previous Feedback
[edit]Syd, I think you are making excellent progress. Don't be afraid to rephrase the material from the original article! I have left a peer review here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SydneyDale/Magnus_Liber/Chandlerhall2_Peer_Review?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review
In it, I address how your article fits into the five pillars of a good Wikipedia article and made some suggestions about how you could improve your article.Chandlerhall2 (talk) 18:50, 1 December 2020 (UTC)