User talk:Uwjk360 sp2016/Mukbang

Talk page for Group 3

Group 2 Peer Reviews[edit]

Group 2 General Comments:

"Citations" = "References" typically on common wiki pages
Work on consistency with Mukbang vs Muk-Bang and Africa TV vs Afreeca TV

Individual Comments:

"It's not sure when South Korean people started to use Muk-bang," - making edits to this text = "watching" instead of "to use", and "for certain" instead of "sure"- (Tessa)

Inconsistent formatting - (Tessa)

It isn't clear what Mukbang is from this article. The writing styles are inconsistent, and the work doesn't flow. Notes on various BJ's are good however. There's already a Mukbang wikipedia page, maybe if you just add the BJ's to this page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muk-bang -Tessa — Preceding unsigned comment added by Uwjk360 sp2016 (talk • contribs) 04:53, 22 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The formatting of the box under "Reason for Watching Muk-Bang" does not look good. - (Ryan)

The grammar on this page needs a lot of reworking. Some parts are extremely difficult to understand due to grammar problems. I agree with Tessa that it's very difficult to tell what mukbang actually is from this article. Without the presentation we had in class, I would be completely lost. However, you all do make a good point as to why mukbang is important! Just consider making a separate section that actually explains exactly what mukbang is. As mentioned earlier, make such you are putting in sources linked at the bottom of the page when you quote or when you reference something. Also make sure to look into transitions between headings. As they are separate headings, your transitions don't have to be as smooth as you would want between paragraphs, but you should look in to making them a bit more smooth and natural sounding. Next, based on the information beneath the heading, I think "Honorary Mukbang Broadcasters" should be "Significant Mukbang Broadcasters" or "Well-Known Mukbang Broadcasters" because honorary means that the broadcasters have the title of Mukbang Broadcaster without the usual requirements or functions, and it seems like the broadcasters listed all preform the usual Mukbang functions. Finally, make sure to add an introduction to your article! --- (Ryan) — Preceding unsigned comment added by 205.175.97.184 (talk) 00:40, 25 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Add links to things like "The Futures Company", Chosen University, Kim-Hae Jin, "Let's Eat" show, JTBC South Korean cable network, Infinity Challenge, Youtube. Things that would probably have wikipedia pages already, if they don't then it's fine. - (Ana)

Put links to official sites in the references. - (Ana)

I’m a bit late on the scene here, and there appear to have been some recent edits which improved the page quite a bit; suggestions included below here are as of 9:30 PM 5/25/2016. - Richard

The article could perhaps use a “See Also:” section for Webcasting.
In the final version, it might be helpful to include the Korean for Muk-bang with the top Title, as well as a link to the Korean-language page if there is one.
Include some more details in the introduction, such as why people produce it and why viewers watch it. The article is bottom-heavy(too much text at the bottom); even Wikipedia articles need some initial “grabber” ideas to draw people in and relate to it. For example, you could talk about how producers are making money off of it and how viewers “empathize” or identify with the people eating – the “spectacle” aspects. You can also take some of the stuff from “reason for watching Muk-bang” and include some general ideas in the intro.
Include more recent developments in the history of Muk-bang since 2012; for example, maybe it become more profitable as certains BJ’s became popular professionals.
You might rephrase the entire “reasons for watching Muk-bang” section and put it under the concept of “Cultural Relevance of Muk-Bang.” Under this, you can include the reasons people watch it, and also the implications for society and its cultural impact.
Some general grammar corrections: “Korean [compound] word”, include quotes for “Eat and Broadcast”, “Muk-bang [is] very famous among”, “who [is] the main consumer”, “it became [an integral trend in the content of Korean internet broadcasting].”, “[During the] South Korean Presidential Election” (maybe include a link here to the election), “as one of [the strategies for their campaigns].”
The article is laid out very nicely in terms of flow; starting very generally and getting more and more specific. However, the “Other Media Platforms” section should be divided up a bit. Make a couple of paragraphs with categories of other media to help it flow better.

Group 6 Peer Reviews[edit]

I think the "What is Muk-bang" section needs to be expanded. A reader who doesn't know anything about Muk-bang might have trouble understanding exactly what Muk-bang is from the current description. "Broadcast Jockey" might also need to be explained if someone from outside the culture were to be reading the article. There are some grammar mistakes, but there seems to be a lot of sources and information. I would try to find a source or elaborate more on certain sections and sentences, one that stuck out to me as needing a source was "celebrities have done Mukbang broadcasts as a CF to promote a food brand". I would also probably try to list more about the history of Muk-bang if possible, right now it seems a little odd to have a whole section dedicated to a few sentences. (Chris) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Uwjk360 sp2016 (talk • contribs) 22:49, 25 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Instructor feedback[edit]

How will you integrate what you’ve created with the article that already exists? You won’t want to delete what’s already been written wholesale—that tends to annoy the previous writers and editors. Looks like you’re mainly adding information about specific BJs and other media platforms, so I’d focus on those sections. You could add these headings to the existing article and use your info as-is, but perhaps integrate the rest of your article into existing headings. Instead of “Honorary” I would say “Prominent” in the last heading. “The reason for watching Muk-bang” could be changed to “Reasons for Popularity” perhaps. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Uwjk360 sp2016 (talk • contribs) 12:10, 26 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]