User talk:Zozoalzuzu/sandbox

Figures

• A chart is present, however it is very small and hard to read, and also confusing as to how it relates to the topic being discussed. While it does pertain to the study mentioned in that small section, it doesn’t seem to flow with the overall purpose of the article.
• One way of improving the chart is to break it down by gender, demonstrating how females are overrepresented in certain categories than males.

Content

• Overall does not meet requirement, as only two out of the three required sections are present. That is unless we are counting the subsections under each heading.
• Could use more of an introduction to frame why this is being talked about and making the connection to social work practice
• States a lot of facts, but there is not a lot of social work context or connections in the “Health Care Disparities” section
• The “Health Care Disparities” piece is not very language accessible
• Language is not consistent ie: “Health Care Disparities in Treatment of Stroke Between Genders” It should not between “genders” as it dichotomizes gender. There is also the use of gender terminology (woman, man, etc) and sex terminology (male, female, etc) interchangeably. Since it is health related, sex terminology is probably the most appropriate (male, female)
• The “Non Health System Factors” piece was well written and was easily read and connected to social work practice
• The language under “Employee Sponsored Health Insurance…” is a bit jumbled and confusing. Perhaps try rewording that and making the points a little more clear.
• Titles could be more succinct ie: “Non Health-System Factors Contributing to Healthcare Disparity” & “Health Care Disparities in Treatment of Stroke Between Genders”
• Assuming Poverty should be bolded under the “Non Health-System Factors…”

References

• Meets the required minimum of of six references
• The styling of reference citation varies from using last, first initial to using last, first name. Suggestion to make it uniformed.
• Reference #5 is missing
• 7 should read: The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation (2014, March 5). Women earn less than men for the same work...no matter what field. and then the link. "Women Earn Less Than Men for Same Work… No Matter What Field They Go Into".
• 11 should be the same
• From what I understand, you do not need to list your source twice, you just add that a, b, c, thing throughout. The sources do not necessarily have to go in order throughout the document, as much as the numbers have to correspond with the listing of the source in the reference list. So #1 and #4 are redundant, same for #3 and #6.

Thanks!

Thank you for your feedback on our wikipedia page. An especially big thank you for correcting language on gender v sex, we have changed the terminology accordingly. We cleaned up titles so that hopefully they read more clearly and succinctly References were also cleaned up

Overall we learned that this topic is not the best fit for this medium, but had a good learning experience.

Zozoalzuzu (talk) 19:20, 18 March 2014 (UTC)