Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Khan Wali Khan/archive1

Abdul Wali Khan

Self nomination: Abdul Wali Khan was a senior Pakistani politician, democratic actvist, political prisoner and leader of Pakistans Parlaimentry Opposition between 1972-1975. He died this year. --Zak 15:32, 5 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Object While pretty good, the article could definitely use a copyedit. A respected politician, his contribution to Pakistan's first constitution was significant, however he was also considered stubborn and inflexible by many of his opponents and some of his colleagues because of his criticisms of the dominance of Punjab and Army involvement in Pakistan's politics. There are several errors with this one sentence; "his contribution" is not a politician; however should either be changed to but, or the comma can be replaced by a period or semicolon; "involvement" isn't necessary, and a "the Pakistani" wouldn't hurt before the word army. contribution to the politic of Pakistan. politic should be politics.

Born on 11 January 1917 in the town of Utmanzai of Charsadda district in the North-West Frontier Province(NWFP) to a family of local landlords. The second of three sons, his mother died during the flu pandemic after World War I. Khan received his early education at the Azad Islamia High School. In 1922, this school formed part of a chain of schools his father had formed during his social reform activities. His father, Khan Abdul Ghaffar Khan was a prominent Pashtun Nationalist and confidante of Gandhi. He was a non-violent freedom fighter who founded the non-violent Khudai Khidmatgar(servants of God) movement. The Khidmatgar movement challenged British authority in the North West Frontier Province through non-violent protest and posed one of the most serious challenges to British rule in it's time. The first sentence is a fragment, and there is a missing space typo before (NWFP). His mother is not the second of three sons. I'm not too sure why "early" is included before education, since High school isn't quite early education. A space is needed before the parentheses (servants of God). The phrase "non-violent" is used three times in 2 sentences; consider finding a replacement word or removing an occurence of the term. "It's" = "It is"; instead, use "its" (the possessive form of it). A dash is missing between North and West, as is done in the first occurrence. Also, as is done in WP:FOOTNOTE, the footnote should come directly after the period, without a space in between (like .[3] instead of . [3]). Thanks, Andy _t 21:17, 5 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I agreed to copyedit the article a long time ago, but then I had a vacation and a bunch of other stuff came up on Wikipedia, so I haven't gotten around to it. I'll do it tonight, around 04:00 tomorrow. RyanG e rbil10 (Drop on in!) 22:29, 5 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Hiya Andy, I've made the corrections you suggested. I agree on the copy-editing problems I've been having, any constructive criticisms and help would be much appreciated. --Zak 22:53, 5 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I have finished my copyedit, mainly of word usage, punctuation, and spelling. I didn't really make any content changes, just maintenance-type tidying. RyanG e rbil10 (Drop on in!) 04:30, 6 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I'll help out too. Between the 4 of us we should be able to get this article in top shape fast! Tombseye 08:49, 6 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, but I edit Wikipedia mostly by night, and I'll be out of town for the next two. RyanG e rbil10 (Drop on in!) 13:48, 6 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've put in some more changes, it's looking a lot better now guys. I'm trying to sort out pictures but I as is common in that part of the world more often than not there are no proper copyright rules. --Zak 17:16, 6 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]