Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Erin Davis/2007-01-02

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Erin Davis[edit]

I've done a major rewrite on this article and would like to work towards getting it elevated to Good Article status. Any advice on what I can do to eventually get it to that point would be very appreciated. --Maelwys 14:42, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

User:Yannismarou[edit]

Nice start, but it still needs work. This is my review:

  • Fix the lead per WP:LEAD.
    • Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • Year of birth? Anything about her family?
    • Had to do some research to find a birthday, but I've now added that and a bit more about her family. --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • I think "Early life" or "Early Yers" are better headings than "Upbringing".
    • Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • The picture has no caption. You could also use an infobox.
    • Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • No citations in "Upbringing".
    • Added them --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • Last paragraph "Radio career" is uncited. Try to have at least one citation for each paragraph.
    • Cited --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • "Off-air work", "Charity work" and "Home Life" are stubby. Merge or expand.
    • I'll hold off on this one for now, see if I can find a way to expand them, and merge them if I can't. --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • "Davis and Rob, her husband of 18 years, have a 15-year-old daughter, Lauren." Uncyclopedic and not-comprehensive: who is Rob? His full name? Is Davis his name and Erin took it after they got married or not? When did they get married?
    • This one's a bit hard because her husband isn't a public figure and his last name isn't a matter of public record. I've reworded this section to try to make it a bit more comprehensive
  • I suggest you turn "Honours and awards" into proper prose.
    • Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
  • 5 from your 6 citations are from the same magazine. You need a wider range of sources.--Yannismarou 16:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)
    • Yeah, unfortunately that magazine was the only local periodical I could find with an expansive archive of old articles posted online. The other ones that I know wrote stories about her all did so several years ago, but only keep a couple weeks of archives online. Thanks for all the advice! --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)