Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Isamu Noguchi

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Isamu Noguchi[edit]

Hi; I'm sorry that I am posting here while this article is so incomplete but I need some guidance. I wasn't sure exactly how to model this if I wanted GA/FA status. Henry Moore is a similar topic but I don't think I should base this article on that if only because it doesn't seem to have been updated to meet current FA standards. My idea is something like:

  • Intro
  • Bio
  • Personal Life (What to call this? Includes love life and social philosophies)
  • Works (Separated into sections on every medium he did significant work in)
  • Legacy

Unfortunately all I have gotten myself to do is about half of the bio, and it probably is cruddy. Based on what is already there, what should I:

  1. Rewrite to satisfy the brilliant prose criterion?
  2. Delete or move to other sections?
  3. Add citations to?

Thanks Rampart 22:34, 15 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Nat91[edit]

I see Henry Moore is a FA. You should model your article according to the information you have, but it's still a very good referent. Some suggestions:

  • As for the "Personal life" section, perhaps it can have 2 subheadings, "Relationships" and "Social philosophies" (if you have a significant amount of info for both). As for the other sections, your idea seems to be just fine.
  • I see you're not starting from scratch. As for what's already there, I think you should rewrite, delete and move information according to your own sections. The lead needs some work, though. I'm not an English native speaker, but the prose could use some editing. There are some typos and odd sentences like this one: "Eventually, Noguchi broke away from his teacher; not only did he begin to reject Ruotolo's classical teachings by showing a liking to the modernist movements of the time, but an instance in which he, not wanting to stop his work, turned away several of Ruotolo's friends resulted in Noguchi being thrown out of the atelier." This sentence is too long, you lose track of the information, try to avoid them. Also, incoherent sentences, for example: "Later arriving in Kyoto, studied pottery with Uno Jinmatsu, and took particular note of local Zen gardens and haniwa, clay funerary figures of the Kofun era which inspired his terra cotta The Queen."
  • The more citations, the better. They make the article more verifiable.

Good luck with the article. Nat91 03:46, 16 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Yannismarou[edit]

Henry Moore is not a nice model. This article wouldn't pass today WP:FAC. Some advice:

  • Add inline citations.
  • Turn "Notable works by Noguchi" into prose.
  • Get rid of the photo gallery. You can incorporate some of the photos in the main prose.
  • You could distinguish between the personal life and the artistic work of Noguchi.

Obviously, the article in incomlete. I'll give a full review, when I see its final form.--Yannismarou 19:01, 16 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

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