Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Alexis Bachelot/archive1
Resolved comments from Crisco 1492
[edit]Crisco comments (leaning support)
- Lede
- "With the expected approval of then Hawaiian King Kamehameha II, he led the first Catholic mission to Hawaii, arriving in 1827." -- Was he expecting approval, or did Kamehameha II expect to approve? The wording seems a little awkward here.
- Took a stab at clarifying, hope my changes are an improvement.
- "Buried near Pohnpei" -- Pohnpei Island? How can you be buried near an island? On an island near Pohnpei, perhaps?
- Done
- Early life
- Three sentences in a row start with "he". Any way to fix this?
- I tried, hopefully it reads well.
- Hawaiian Mission
- "the Congregation" or "the congregation" (first paragraph)
- Our article on them capitalizes it, I swapped in "them" for one occurrence.
- Fair enough.
- Our article on them capitalizes it, I swapped in "them" for one occurrence.
- "The missionaries were initially accompanied by a group that planned to explore commercial trading opportunities, but the merchants returned to France after reaching Mexico." -- I'm thinking something like "The missionaries were initially accompanied by a group that planned to explore commercial trading opportunities but returned to France after reaching Mexico."
- Sure, that wording works.
- "Further, they had promised..." -- Furthermore?
- Done.
- Grass hut -- is the link necessary?
- Hmm, I guess not.
- What is "fillip"?
- Something that excites or stimulates, do you think it's being used correctly here?
- My English is a little rusty, but I don't think I've ever seen that word before. A simpler word, perhaps, or a link to Wiktionary? Mind you, assuming the etymology section of the Wiktionary entry is correct, we don't want to use the word. It says “something of small importance; a trifle.” as an alternate meaning in the etymology.
- I still think it works, but in the interest of time I'll remove it.
- My English is a little rusty, but I don't think I've ever seen that word before. A simpler word, perhaps, or a link to Wiktionary? Mind you, assuming the etymology section of the Wiktionary entry is correct, we don't want to use the word. It says “something of small importance; a trifle.” as an alternate meaning in the etymology.
- Something that excites or stimulates, do you think it's being used correctly here?
- "translated ... (O ke Ao Ana Kristiano, c. 1831)" -- What was the original title?
- The sources gives what looks like a translation, added.
- Might want to check with a speaker of Hawaiian. KAVEBEAR may speak the language.
- The sources gives what looks like a translation, added.
- California
- "... who was on a journey at the time ... " -- To?
- Not sure, text doesn't say. Now I'm curious too.
- I will take a look at the images too, soon. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:02, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- Images look fine. Removed a period from the caption for the picture of Kaʻahumanu Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:07, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- Ok, I think I got it all. I wasn't 100% sure how to put the translations of the titles. Also, should I make sure there are nowrap templates on all the numbered royalty names? Mark Arsten (talk) 03:36, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- Like when writing World War II, we should ensure the numbers aren't left dangling. You could use a non-breaking space or nowrap. Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:10, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- Ok, I added a few more non-breaking spaces in, I think we've gotten all of them now. Mark Arsten (talk) 04:41, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- I'm almost ready to support, just waiting for the translation to be verified. Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:52, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- KAVEBEAR has replied, apparently he is not a Hawaiian speaker but his searching came up with the same thing I did. Mark Arsten (talk) 05:47, 1 March 2012 (UTC)