Brian the Closer

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"Brian the Closer"
Family Guy episode
Episode no. Season 13
Episode 4
Directed by John Holmquist
Written by Steve Marmel
Production code BACX21
Original air date November 9, 2014 (2014-11-09)
Guest actors
Episode chronology
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"Brian the Closer" is the fourth episode of the thirteenth season of the animated sitcom Family Guy, and the 235th episode overall. It aired on Fox in the United States on November 9, 2014, and is written by Steve Marmel and directed by John Holmquist.[1] In the episode, Brian works for a real estate agency, which leads him into trouble with Quagmire.


Peter finds Brian's old rope toy in the sofa, and Brian becomes possessive of it, making Peter jealous. While craving the rope toy, Peter becomes a Gollum-version of himself until Lois sends Peter away. Peter then returns as Johnny 5 from Short Circuit. When the rope toy is in Brian's mouth, Peter ties it to his car and drives off. Brian trails behind the car and smashes into a fire hydrant, losing all his teeth. He is miserable without his teeth and Lois refuses to spend money at the dentist to get him a new set since the procedure would be expensive. While having a drink with Quagmire at The Drunken Clam, Brian starts to cry until Quagmire gives him the number to his dentist where he has an account. After Brian leaves, Jerome reprimands Quagmire for using language when his mother was visiting only for Jerome to be reprimanded by his own mother for calling her black.

When Brian returns, the family finds that the dentist has given him a prominent smile. Apprehensive about his appearance, the family and a dumb beaver (who is used by Peter in just the right amount) offer their support like Stewie commenting that his new teeth makes him similar to Adam Carolla. Brian begins to find the new look suits him. While out for a walk, he is mistaken for a real estate agent. When the actual agent shows up, he gives Brian a job offer to join the agency called Quahog Realty. He finds himself selling lots of properties. Bonnie buys a house near a cliff where the house is slanted as Brian thinks she is wanting to get rid of Joe that way. Then Brian sells a house to Jason Voorhees that overlooks a camp. When Brian tries to explain about the cabin being the site of previous murders, Jason assures him he already made the sale. Brian then sells a house to an unnamed woman.

The owner sees how good Brian is at selling good property, so talks him to tackling a terrible condo and soon overhears that Quagmire has just received a bonus. Arriving at the gym where Quagmire works out (it appears that his penis is lifting weights during that time), Brian pays him back for the dental work and leads him into buying the property by convincing him it is a great investment.

After showing him the prospective video, Quagmire is still hesitant until Brian convinces him a hated rival pilot is after it. After the purchase, the guys accompany Quagmire to the property to find it is a run down dump and was completely misrepresented. Joe reveals that there is an escape clause good for 72 hours after purchase, but when they arrive at Quahog Realty, he is not around and it is revealed that he has ducked out to hide for the 72 hours.

Taking refuge at a motel, he finds Quagmire already waiting for him. Quagmire informs Brian that his already low opinion of him has been pushed even further. Brian confesses that Quagmire may be his only friend, but it is revealed to only be a ruse to outlast the 72 hours. An incensed Quagmire subsequently knocks Brian's teeth out with a lamp.

Returning to normal life, the family consoles Brian until Meg recounts her day which involved her wearing her swimsuit to school when she had no clean underwear. Peter intentionally causes himself to have a nosebleed to escape the conversation.


The episode received an audience of 3.63 million, the lowest in its timeslot, but the third most watched show on Fox that night after The Simpsons episode "Simpsorama" and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.[2]

The Parents Television Council, a conservative pro-censorship group founded by long-time critic of Family Guy L. Brent Bozell III, named the episode as the "Worst of the Week", criticizing its violent scenes.[3]


  1. ^ "(FG-1121) "Brian the Closer"". The Futon Critic. October 13, 2014. Retrieved October 16, 2014. 
  2. ^ "Sunday Final Ratings: ‘The Simpsons’ & ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Adjusted Up". TVbytheNumbers. Retrieved 12 November 2014. 
  3. ^ "Worst of the Week". Parents Television Council. 13 December 2014. Retrieved 4 January 2015.