I Kissed Dating Goodbye
|January 1, 1997
April 2, 2003
I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a best-selling 1997 book by Joshua Harris. The book focuses on Harris' disenchantment with the contemporary secular dating scene, and offers ideas for improvement, alternative dating/courting practices, and a view that singleness need not be a burden nor characterized by what Harris describes as "selfishness."
As of February 2006, the book had sold over a million copies since its 1997 printing.
Harris popularized the concept of "courting" as an alternative to regular secular dating, and in doing so has caused discussion regarding the appropriateness of his solutions to regular dating as well as the foundations on which he bases his reasoning.
In general, Harris believes that dating has become too inwardly focused. He feels that people date to find "their" mate according to their own principles, rules, and desires. In doing so, he argues, people put up a façade in an attempt to appear to be what the other person wants, and this hampers the "getting to know you" part of dating. He feels that it is more appropriate and more healthy in the long run to participate in "group dates" in order to truly understand the way a particular person interacts with others, since in a group setting in which some people know the person that person is less likely to be able to maintain a façade for the duration of the date. Harris proposes a system of courtship that involves the parents of both parties to a greater degree than conventional dating schemes. In an interview with Family Christian Stores, Joshua Harris indicated that "people have taken the message of 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' and made it something legalistic -- a set of rules. That's something that's beyond my control and it's disappointing at times... ." 
On November 20, 2005 Harris gave a message to the church at which he is Senior Pastor, titled "Courtship, Schmourtship: What Really Matters in Relationships." In this message Harris acknowledged problems with how the singles related in his church. Harris indicated that there was a "lack of freeness between men and women in cultivating friendships." He also used the words "standoffish" and "tightness." In the message, Harris also indicated that it was "OK" for single men and women to go out for coffee by themselves, apparently correcting misconceptions some singles had in his church.
- "Josh & Shannon Harris with Rebecca St. James Dating And Waiting". Retrieved 2007-12-23.