Wikipedia:Peer review/Final Fantasy XIII/archive3

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Final Fantasy XIII[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because it just passed GA status and also to get suggestions from outsiders before I take this to Featured Article status. This article looks perfect for a GA, and any comments that would help improve this page for FA status should be very much appreciated.

Thanks, Darth Sjones23 (talk - contributions) 03:44, 6 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Don't see anything majorly wrong, but I question the current 'See also' section. I mean, Wikibooks is as much of an external link as Commons is, isn't it? --Gwern (contribs) 23:06 7 January 2011 (GMT)
You know... I don't actually know what the rule is for Book links. I just always see them in a SeeAlso. But I like what you're saying, and the box nestles in nicely down there. Moved. --PresN 23:49, 7 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This sounds like an interesting game. The article appears to be comprehensive or nearly so, though I am not the best judge of this kind of content. I have reservations about some of the prose and some of the images; I make quite a few specific suggestions below, mostly about prose and Manual of Style issues.

  • The collapsible list in the infobox causes a jumbling of letters on my computer screen. Specifically, it overlaps and distorts the "Release date" line.
  • Huh. I'm not sure what to do about this- I've never seen that problem anywhere. I'm going to leave it for now, and see if anyone at FAC hits it as well- it's easy to remove, but it's a fairly wide-spread template. --PresN 20:33, 10 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Combinations like "1.7 million" should be held together by no-break codes to keep the parts from being awkwardly separated on computer screens by line-break. WP:NBSP is the guideline. These combinations appear here and there throughout the article.

Lead

  • "a fast-paced combat mechanic" - Should this phrase be linked or briefly explained?
  • "while also trying to discover their Focus—the tasks they must complete as l'Cie before they are turned either into monsters or crystal—or if they can avoid their fate." - Tighten by deleting "or if they can avoid their fate"? Or recast as "... tasks they must complete as l'Cie to avoid being turned into monsters or crystal"?
  • I think what's worse is that you misread the meaning of the sentence, since they get turned into crystal if they're successful and monsters if they're not- which means that the sentence is a failure as-is. Re-did it, hopefully tighter. --PresN 20:33, 10 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Reviewers were more mixed in their opinion on the game's story and linearity compared to previous games in the series." - Maybe "opinions about" rather than "opinion on"?

Gameplay

  • "The player can also control the camera with the right analog stick... " - Would it be good idea to include a brief description of the game-playing apparatus in this section? Many readers will be unfamiliar with game consoles.
  • Reworded- we probably shouldn't mention specific buttons at all, since no one cares who wouldn't also have the game/manual. --PresN 20:33, 10 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Combat

  • "while the remaining two characters are controlled by the game's AI." - Spell out as well as abbreviate AI on first use?
  • "Each of the characters can initially take on only three roles, but they may assume any of them later in the game." - "Each" is singular; "they" is plural. Also, does this mean that a character can assume all of the roles simultaneously? Or does it mean that a character can switch roles?
  • Reworded; they is now inferred. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Setting

  • "Several hundred years before the events of the game, a battle between Pulse and Cocoon took place known as the War of Transgression." - Slightly smoother might be "Several hundred years before the events of the game, a battle known as the War of Transgression took place between Pulse and Cocoon."

Development

  • "and to run on the White Engine" - Maybe linking to "game engine" here or working "game engine" into this sentence would be good. Otherwise, the explanation of "White Engine" doesn't occur until a couple of sentences later.
  • Eh, rather just remove it- who cares what the original engine was called; if they "moved to" the Crystal Tools engine there was obviously one beforehand. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was believed by Square Enix that development of its own engine, though it would cause a delay initially the release of the game, would speed up development time later on." - Doesn't make sense as written.
  • Whoa, what happened to that sentence? Fixed, and also made active voice. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The trailer shown was an artistic concept" - Link "trailer" or briefly explain it?
  • "The development team's internal goal was to sell five million copies of the game, and to have the same "gameplay and craftmanship" impact that Final Fantasy VII and X had as the first Final Fantasy games on their respective consoles, as XIII was the first on the PlayStation 3." - Too complex. I'm not sure what this sentence means.
  • Yeah, there was too much going on in that sentence. Split and reworked. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Toriyama tried to make the game so that "it would be the ultimate single player RPG." - The quote includes an abbreviation that I think is not used earlier or explained. Would it be helpful to add a parenthetical explanation in brackets; i.e., "... RPG [role-playing game]"?
  • Huh, yeah, we somehow never used that term anywhere before. Done. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "someone like a female version of Cloud from FFVII". - Nothing should be linked inside a direct quotation. See WP:MOS#Linking. You might use a paraphrase or indirect quote if you want to keep the links.
  • Ugh, MOS. Done. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Music

  • "The score features some orchestral recordings by the Warsaw Philharmonic Orchestra, orchestrated by Yoshihisa Hirano, Toshiyuki Oomori and Kunihito Shiina." - Move modifier sung against thing modified? Suggestion: "The score features recordings, orchestrated by Yoshihisa Hirano, Toshiyuki Oomori and Kunihito Shiina, by the Warsaw Philharmonic Orchestra." Also, link the orchestra?
  • Linked, modified. --PresN 20:40, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Most of the sentences in the last paragraph of this section use passive voice when active voice would be easy to use. Active voice is usually better. Example: "The main soundtrack album, Final Fantasy XIII Original Soundtrack, was released on four Compact Discs in 2010 by Square Enix." This could become "Square Enix released the main soundtrack album, Final Fantasy XIII Original Soundtrack, on four compact discs in 2010."

Release and post-release

  • "available for free in the Japan Home" - Does "Japan Home" need a link or a brief explanation?
  • "It comes with a bonus booklet titled Final Fantasy XIII　- Corridor of Memory - that contains content that was previously left out of the original version of the game and an epilogue chapter titled Final Fantasy XIII　- Episode I -." - The punctuation here looks very strange.
  • Yeah, SE does that all the time, I think it's a Japanese thing. I'm... just going to change it here. We regularly do it for article titles, so the same principle applies. --PresN 21:25, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

  • "Final Fantasy XIII was rated at 39/40 from the Japanese gaming magazine Famitsu" - It's generally better to use a specific word than an ambiguous front slash. I think "39 to 40" might be what this means, or it might mean "39 out of a possible 40". It's hard to tell partly because the reviewers seem to be using varied scoring systems.
  • Yeah, slashes shouldn't be used in prose. --PresN 21:25, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

  • "combined with its linear nature, some reviews went as far as to describe these chapters" - Recast? The reviews weren't combined with its linear nature.

"After release, director Motomu Toriyama felt that the lower-than-expected review scores for a main Final Fantasy series game were as a result of reviewers approaching the game with a Western point-of-view, and that these reviewers were more used to games in which the player was given an open world in which to explore; he noted that this expectation contrasted with the vision the team set out to create, in that it "becomes very difficult to tell a compelling story when you're given that much freedom". - Too complex. Also, "resulted from" rather than "were as a result of"? Suggestion: "After release, director Motomu Toriyama felt that the lower-than-expected review scores for a main Final Fantasy series game came from reviewers who approached the game from a Western point-of-view. These reviewers were used to games in which the player was given an open world to explore, he said, noting that this expectation contrasted with the vision the team set out to create. It "becomes very difficult to tell a compelling story when you're given that much freedom", he said.

  • Done, played with your wording a bit. --PresN 21:25, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Images

  • Three images with fair-use rationales are too many. Perhaps the lead image can be justified, but I don't think the others meet WP:NFCC 3a. I see nothing especially illuminating about them; the text adequately covers the topic.
  • I'm going to flat-out disagree. Infobox images are clear- there's even an RfC up to confirm it right now. After that, we have one gameplay image that is referencing specific points raised in gameplay, and a cast image showing all of the characters. I'm willing to take my chances with them at FAC. --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • File:Suntory FF XIII Elixir - Lightning game cover version 1.JPG is licensed strangely. It's an own-photo with a CC-by-SA 3.0 license but includes unusual caveats in the permission box, especially "If you would like special permission to use, license, or purchase the file, please contact me to negotiate licensing terms." - This statement is unnecessary and contradicts the terms of the license. No one's permission is needed to use the image, and no one needs to negotiate with BrokenSphere or to pay a fee. You might want to discuss this with BrokenSphere and ask him or her to revise the permission section of the license page.
  • That is quite odd. Actually... I'm going to drop the image. I don't like that it doesn't show Lightning- right now it's just a can. It may be free, but it doesn't illustrate anything. --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Well, it makes more sense in Characters but moved it to story. --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • A few of the citations like citation 79 repeat the ALL-CAPS titles of the source. In such cases, Wikipedia house style takes precedence; e.g., "FINAL FANTASY XIII ELIXER" should be re-written as "Final Fantasy XIII Elixer".
  • Got them. --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Other

  • The link checker in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds one dead url in the citations.
  • Oh right, I forgot to fix that. Done. --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 20:04, 10 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome, thanks! This is super-helpful. I'm going to reply in-line for the benefit of SJones/anyone else working on this; I'll go to your talkpage as requested if I have any follow-up questions. --PresN 20:13, 10 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
All done! --PresN 22:26, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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