Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Red Hot Chili Peppers band members/archive1
List of Red Hot Chili Peppers band members[edit]
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I recently rewrote and cited the sources for the introduction, and also added the infobox. I would like to renominate this article for the Featured Lists, but I would like to get other users or editors to review it first before I nominate it. I've worked extremely hard on this article, and I would love to hear from other users who can help this list reach featured status!
Thanks, WereWolf (talk) 15:53, 23 May 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This seems complete, although I know little about the band except what you've told me. The Timeline looks good; I'm less fond of so much bolding and double-bolding in the Line-up section, and I wonder if a sortable table would be better as in List of Megadeth band members. I have quite a few suggestions about prose and style issues.
Lead
- "Two weeks before signing with EMI, Slovak and Irons had obtained a record deal with MCA Records with their other band, What Is This?, and subsequently departed." - The meaning of "subsequently departed" is unclear. I think this means that they left Red Hot Chili Pepper for What Is This?, but it could be misinterpreted to mean that mean they left Los Angeles for some other place or even that they left What Is This? (though things become more clear further down in the article). Could the meaning be made more specific?
Done
- "Rather than dissolving Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kiedis and Flea decided to recruit new members... ". - Shouldn't that be Balzany (last name) rather than Flea (nickname)?
- Balzary is referred to as "Flea" on the main article, so I was just following that for consistency...
- "Sherman was fired soon after, with Slovak returning to the Chili Peppers in 1985 after growing tired of What Is This?." - "With plus -ing" constructions are usually weaker than the available alternatives. Suggestion: "Sherman was fired soon after, and Slovak returned to the Chili Peppers in 1985 after growing tired of What Is This?.
- Done
- "Sherman was fired... ". - Here and in the other places saying that someone was fired, it would be helpful to say who did the firing and to use active voice rather than passive. Assuming that Kiedis and Balzany do the hiring and firing, you might say, "Kiedis and Balzany fired Sherman soon after, and Slovak returned... ".
- I'm not sure who does the hiring or firing, because it can be people from the management, record label, or the band members themselves...
- "Cliff Martinez was dismissed from the group in the summer of 1986... " - Since this is the next sentence after the Sherman sentence, you might say, "They dismissed Cliff Martinez from the group in the summer of 1986 and replaced him with founding member Jack Irons... ".
- Done
- "In an attempt to cope with the death of Slovak and the departure of Irons, Kiedis and Flea... " - Balzany rather than Flea?
- Again, Flea is used on the main article, and I just used his nickname for consistency.
- "Neither sparked any notable chemistry... ". - Mixed metaphor. Suggestion: "Neither improved the band... "?
- Done
- "After another successful jam session, Kiedis, Frusciante and Flea admitted Smith into the band." - Balzany?
- See above.
- "... Kiedis, Flea, and Smith decided that Marshall didn't fit with their future plans, and was fired." - Grammar and passive voice. Suggestion: "Kiedis, Balzany, and Smith decided that Marshall didn't fit their future plans, and they fired him."
- Done
- "Marshall was briefly replaced by Zander Schloss." - Another passive that is easily switched to active: "Zander Schloss briefly replaced Marshall."
- Done
- "Jesse Tobias was recruited afterward; however, his tenure with the band didn't last very long, with the rest of the band stating that "The chemistry wasn't right." - I'd suggest rewriting this one to avoid the "with plus -ing" construction.
- Done
- "That same month, Flea visited his former band mate... " - Balzany?
- See above.
- "That same month, Flea visited his former band mate and friend, Frusciante, and openly invited him to rejoin the band, an invitation an emotional and now sober Frusciante readily accepted." - Suggestion: "That same month, Balzany visited Frusciante and invited him to rejoin the band. An emotional and now sober Frusciante readily accepted."
- Done
- "On February 8, 2010, after much speculation, Chad Smith confirmed that frequent collaborator and former touring guitarist Josh Klinghoffer was the official replacement for Frusciante." Tighten to "On February 8, 2010, after much speculation, Smith confirmed that frequent collaborator and former touring guitarist Josh Klinghoffer had replaced Frusciante."
- Done
References
- The date formatting needs to be consistent. You can use either m-d-y or yyyy-mm-dd but not a mixture.
- Done
- Citations like 17 are incomplete. Citations to Internet sources generally need author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and date of most recent access if all of these are known or can be found.
- Done
- Citations to books should include the place of publication.
- What do you mean by "place"? Name of publisher or the actual city the book was published in?
Other
- The link-checker in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds five dead links in the citations.
- RollingStone.com recently deleted all of their archived articles, and I have no way of obtaining any other reliable citations that have the same information. It's frustrating.
- The Internet Archive is often useful in cases like this. For example, one of your missing sources is here. To hunt for the others, go to this page and in the search box replace "http:/" with the url you are searching for. Finetooth (talk) 00:29, 31 May 2010 (UTC)
- Done
- The alt-text tool shows that the image lacks alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. WP:ALT has details.
- I'll be sure check that out. Done
- I'll be sure check that out.
- The dab-finder notes one link that goes to a disambiguation page instead of the intended target.
- Done
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 22:14, 30 May 2010 (UTC)