Wikipedia:Peer review/Milkshake (song)/archive1

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Milkshake (song)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate it for GA.

Thanks, Pancake (talk) 20:54, 4 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is broad in coverage, and the charts and references look fine to me. However, the prose needs further work, and I don't think the second image meets WP:NFCC guideline 3a. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

Lead

  • "It was written and produced by The Neptunes, a production duo that had produced the majority of Kelis' songs in the past." - Rewrite to avoid repeating "produce" three times.
  • "Lyrically, the song speaks of a milkshake, which describes what makes a woman special." - How does a milkshake describe anything? This needs to be made much more clear. What connection does the song make between a woman and a milkshake? Or is something else the milkshake?

Background

  • "The song came out when Tasty was chosen as the album's title." - An explanation of what Tasty is needs to be included in this section. Also, what else is on the album? Is "Milkshake" related to any of the other songs?
  • "When making the song, Kelis "knew right away that it was a really good song", and she wanted it to be the first single." Add "on the album" to the end of the sentence?
  • "The recordings were mixed by Phil Tan at Right Track Studios in New York City." - Active is usually better than passive. This one is easy to flip: "Phil Tan mixed the recordings at Right Track Studios in New York City." You should be able to find others like this in the article and flip them to active.

Composition

  • Would it helpful to include a brief written sample of the lyrics?

Chart performance

  • "Milkshake" debuted at number seventy-three on the September 6, 2003 - Numbers bigger than nine are usually written as digits rather than words. Quite a few large numbers in the article are written as words. WP:MOSNUM#Numbers as figures or words is the relevant guideline.
  • "The song charted well internationally, charting inside the top ten on many charts." - Rewrite to avoid repetition of "chart" three times.
  • "Due to the chart success, it was listed at number four on the year-end chart of 2004 by the Irish Recorded Music Association." - Avoid repetition of "chart" here too. Also, it seems pointless to say that its chart success was due to its chart success.
  • "The song performed well in the United Kingdom, as it was certified... " - Here, too, the logic is fuzzy. The song didn't perform well because it was certified; it was certified because it sold well (although the certification may have led to even more sales).

Music video

  • "The music video for "Milkshake" was directed by Jake Nava." - This one would be easy to flip to active voice.

Cultural impact

  • "dances around on the streets wearing a fat suit" - One word, fatsuit, linked to fatsuit?

Images

  • I'm not sure the fair-use rationale for the second image is convincing. The lead image already shows the reader what Kelis in an erotic pose related to the song. The second image in that sense duplicates the first, and the text about the video seems to cover its content adequately without the image.

Other

  • The link checker in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds one dead url in the citations.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 00:50, 9 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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