Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Thomas Crisp
Thomas Crisp[edit]
A highly celebrated First World War hero and holder of the Victoria Cross. Another article I have worked extensively on recently and would appreciate some feedback for future work required.--Jackyd101 22:24, 22 January 2007 (UTC)
Kirill Lokshin[edit]
Quite good. Suggestions, in no particular order:
- The lead should be expanded to at least two paragraphs. As it is, it's not really adequate as a summary of the article.
- The use of "jr" and "sr" ought to be looked at. I would have expected these to be both capitalized and followed by a period; is this not the case in British English?
- The references section should contain everything cited in the article.
- Maybe put the citations directly at the end of the Victoria Cross section (in somewhat smaller boxes, even)?
- As usual, any other images available? The ships involved, perhaps?
Kirill Lokshin 04:07, 23 January 2007 (UTC)
Automated[edit]
PocklingtonDan[edit]
- "tiny vessel" - wiki likes quantification - can we say "tiny (just 20ft)" or similar instead? Also, perhaps parentheses what a smack is - I'd never come across one before and it seems unfortunate to have to divert to another article to find out when you've only just started reading
- "self-sacrifice in the face of overwhelming odds" seems too POV and bias without a cite
- I know finding cites for this must be difficult for a relatively obscure figure, but I would still like to see more cites generally if possible
- "the son of Arthur Soanes,[13] one of the victims of this incident, later claimed to have contacted his father through his powers as a spiritual medium and reported this version of events as fact" - I'm not sure a spiritual medium should be cited as a reason to believe a certain course of events!!
- Other that that, I found it a fascinating read. Well done - PocklingtonDan 09:01, 1 February 2007 (UTC)
- Reply: I removed the "tiny" and changed the sentance about the self-sacrifice to include a cited quote (althoug I have read that it isn't a good idea to cite things in the introduction). I have also added more citation generally although as mentioned, finding sources is very hard, much help was provided by a user in A-Class Review. Two replies here, firstly I couldn't find a way to slip in information about the nature of a smack without using a footnote, which is no less labour intensive than using a wikilink. As smack is a necessary technical term which is not related to the article itself, perhaps a link is the best way to go. Also, the spritual medium is not intended as the source for the event, the cited book does that. The medium is simply an interesting story related to the events, which is also cited. Thankyou for your review.--Jackyd101 00:50, 5 February 2007 (UTC)
- Much better, its looking really good to me - Cheers - PocklingtonDan (talk) 22:33, 13 February 2007 (UTC)
- Reply: I removed the "tiny" and changed the sentance about the self-sacrifice to include a cited quote (althoug I have read that it isn't a good idea to cite things in the introduction). I have also added more citation generally although as mentioned, finding sources is very hard, much help was provided by a user in A-Class Review. Two replies here, firstly I couldn't find a way to slip in information about the nature of a smack without using a footnote, which is no less labour intensive than using a wikilink. As smack is a necessary technical term which is not related to the article itself, perhaps a link is the best way to go. Also, the spritual medium is not intended as the source for the event, the cited book does that. The medium is simply an interesting story related to the events, which is also cited. Thankyou for your review.--Jackyd101 00:50, 5 February 2007 (UTC)