Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

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Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• June 1
• June 2
• June 3
• June 4
• June 5
• June 6
• June 7
• June 8
• June 9
• June 10
• June 11
• June 12
• June 13
• June 14
• June 15
• June 16
• June 17
• June 18
• June 19
• June 20

Index of all requests for feedback

Virginity test

I almost completely rewrote this article last night. It was previously an opinion essay with one source, so I spent last night finding it other sources, organizing, adding information and rewriting. I don't feel comfortable removing the NPOV and the clean-up tags when I'm the only one who's worked on the article since those tags were applied. Any commentary or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I made almost 50 edits last night, so I'm sure I'm not seeing anything wrong with it. AnEmptyCageGirl (talk) 21:51, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Sorry it took awhile to respond. I'm actually procrastinating on writing an essay right now... so I'll give you some feedback to fill my time :-)

• You should probably format the references. You've done a nice job of referencing things, but the formatting is just a little off. See how the links in the reference section come up as [1], [2], etc? You need to fill in a title for the webpage after the URL to give the blue link a name. If you aren't sure how to do this, let me know.
• The sentence in the lead that states "It is based on the incorrect belief that a woman’s hymen can only be torn as a result of sexual intercourse." should probably be changed. More specifically, the word "incorrect". Maybe substitute "false assumption"? Incorrect seems harsh and perhaps a little overbearing. Also, the lead needs at least one or two references up there (they can be ones that are included already, but just haven't been tagged up top yet) to verify its info.
• The article is a little unbalanced right now. It sort of focuses a lot on Africa. Granted that that is probably where a lot of this stuff happens today, I'm sure there's info about elsewhere in the world. Check out Google Scholar at www.scholar.google.com. I've found they can find a lot of good sources for Wikipedia.

Don't get me wrong, I think you've done a very nice job so far. Those are just some things that can help the article. Remember, no article is ever perfect. You could probably take those tags off the top of the article now since you've fixed things. Killiondude (talk) 08:38, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Okay, I'll work on all of that. Thank you! AnEmptyCageGirl (talk) 00:02, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

• Take care with WP:OR especially WP:SYNTH - in the lede.
• Sadly still occurs in many countries in the Indian continent; I've heard about a plastic surgery proves that 'restores' the hymen. Japan had/has? a tv show with 'live' deflowering; not sure if that's relevant. Bit more digging needed to broaden the scope, I think. Good luck. --  Chzz  ►  14:37, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

User:Marisko/eFileCabinet

I'm a first-time new contributor and I am looking for some feedback regarding at article I created in my user space. It's far from complete but any tips/suggestions on how to further improve the article to make sure it is in accordance with Wikipedia's guidelines and NPOV would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! --Marisko (talk) 19:26, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

It looks like it could use at least one or two more sources that discuss the company in depth. This fulfills the requirement of WP:COMPANY that states a source has to have significant coverage in secondary sources for it to be included in Wikipedia. It certainly has a neutral point of view, and you back up your claim with sources, which is really good. You could also wikilink things like Provo, UT (the first instance), and maybe one or two other relevant terms in the article (it seems a little "wikilink bare"). When you think you've reached the requirements of WP:COMPANY you can move the article into the mainspace. Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns :-) Killiondude (talk) 05:22, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Bulltick

Hi, Could you please give me some feedback on this page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Communicationsbcm I'm a first-time new contributor. I really need help on how to improve the article. Any tips will be much appreciated. Thank you Alejandra --Communicationsbcm (talk) 18:14, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

It needs references from reliable sources to support the facts. People have to be able to check the information - for example, it says "was founded in 1999" - how could I verify that? Is it mentioned in a newspaper or book? If not, you'll have to remove that fact.

Also, as with all corporate articles, be very wary of conflict of interest. If you do have an interest in the company, then you should carefully read WP:BESTCOI. Hope this helps; any questions, ask me on my own talk page. Good luck! --  Chzz  ►  10:22, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

Sheree Silver

Hi, Sheree Silver is a relatively new article brought back in a deletion review. Could somebody take a look at it and see where it is on the article class scale? Thank you for your time. Spring12 (talk) 22:29, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Hi. Sorry for the short delay in responding; things can get a bit backed up here. Please help out if you can!

Re. Sheree Silver - it needs some work; I'll do a bit of editing to it now and report back soon. --  Chzz  ►  21:24, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

One of the main problems with the article was that the references had little information; I've corrected that with this edit.

I used various citation tools to do this - Zotero for the web links, and the cite book generator for the book. For the TV and radio episode, I just copied from template:cite_episode.

Please note that I haven't actually checked the validity of these references though, and some of them appear to be primary sources and therefore require further improvement.

I will edit it further. --  Chzz  ►  22:13, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your assistance! There's a slight disagreement between another editor and I over including a large number of references. (Basically, the difference between the current revision and http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Sheree_Silver&oldid=279938835 and http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Sheree_Silver&oldid=278772837. Do you think any of this info should be added? The disagreement's currently in Template:RFCbio_list. Spring12 (talk) 22:23, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

You're welcome. I'll address this issue later; first, I'll do a bit more editing in the hope of answering your initial Q - i.e. the article class. Incidentally, I put all that info (re cite) about how I did things, as I always try to do in here, in the hope of giving you tips for the future. I hope it will be useful? --  Chzz  ►  22:31, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Most definitely useful, I was planning on writing everything up in MLA format by hand. :-) Spring12 (talk) 22:35, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Changed the infobox from 'philosopher' to the more standard, and I hope more appropriate, Template:Infobox Person. Please see that doc and see if further fields could be completed; if her day of birth can be added it will factor her age; Also I put all prev info into 'occupation' and some could be re-jigged into other fields perhaps. --  Chzz  ►  22:37, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

To answer your original request - we've promoted the article to start class; I don't feel that it meets C-class as yet due to the questionable nature of some sources (see WP:ASSESS). Per WP:V, unfortunately some of the info may need to be removed to improve it further; sadly if reliable sources don't exist, facts have to go.

Regarding your 'supplementary question';

• When discussing different versions, it's very helpful to provide a diff
• I don't think the nuforc reference is directly relevant to the topic of this article (if you see what I mean).
• I don't think eonline is a reliable source, so I'd leave that bit out. See WP:SOURCES

OK - I won't get embroiled in the debate itself, but I wish you the best of luck with it. I want to move on through this backlog. Again - if you found this useful, do have a look down the list and see if you can comment or advise any others. Cheers! --  Chzz  ►  00:05, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again, Spring12 (talk) 01:02, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Requesting feedback on proposed TurnKey Linux article

The User:Abd/TurnKey Linux was rewritten based on an earlier article that was deleted in a rather messy affair triggered by an anonymous IP vandal.

The current version of the article has been substantially rewritten and cites multiple reliable sources which establish it's notability. It is now awaiting additional feedback in order to reach a broad consensus on it's move from userspace back to mainspace.

I've opened an RfC but that seems to be a venue that focuses on edit conflicts, rather than a good place to asking for general feedback. I wasn't previously aware of this page, but now that I've found it, it looks like what I was originally looking for.

LirazSiri (talk) 02:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Move it to mainspace immediately; it's well-written and well cited. Be WP:BOLD - it may well attract comments etc, but that's all a part of the process. I see no major issues with your userspace version; it looks pretty good to me. If you have any problems, give me a shout. Good luck! --  Chzz  ►  00:21, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

User:Keown100/Sion_Record_Bostick

This is my first original article and only my second contribution. Although I've tried to do my due diligence, I would appreciate any feedback.

I'm particularly interested in feedback and advice regarding citing references. I want to use inline citations as opposed to general citations. However, one reference serves as the source for several facts in the article. Is there a more appropriate way of doing this than the method I have employed?

Keown100 (talk) 09:57, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Regarding references;

• Some of the references use {{cite}} tags, and some don't. It would be preferable to use cite tags for all of them. As an example, I've changed one with this edit.
• The use of a named reference looks fine. I'd suggest using a shorter name, as <ref name="Muster Rolls of the Texas Revolution" /> is very long, and the name only shows up when editing. I'd use something like <ref name="Muster" />.
• The references could also be improved by adding more information. Check the template documentation, such as Template:cite news/doc, and see if you can add extra fields.
• Please also see User:Chzz/refs, especially the mention of tools, for more help with referencing.

General suggestions for improving the article;

• Dates should be in the form 1 January 1999 - no punctuation, and day month year.
• Some of the wikilinks are redirects - for example, Texas Army is a redirect to Texian Army. You should either use the latter wording, or you could put [[Texas army|Texian Army]]. (Note that the 'a' in army should not be capitalised)
• In the body text and the caption, it says; "Surrender of Santa Anna". This should be in italics and not quotes, Surrender of Santa Anna.
• Would it be possible to find a picture of the man himself?
• Some of the sections are too short to stand on their own (such as 'personal life' - this should be merged into other areas of the article
• One of the best ways to improve the article would be to find books that give more information. This would also improve the references.
• One last tip - have a look at similar articles in the featured articles and good articles categories. These are exemplary Wikipedia articles, and are great for seeing the 'right way' to do things.

I hope this helps; good luck with it.  Chzz  ►  03:50, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Extremely useful advice across the board. I'll refine the article in each of the mentioned areas. Many thanks for taking the time to provide such insightful feedback. Keown100 (talk) 04:20, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Cham Albanians

I have remade this article, and for sure it is not any more start-class. Can somebody review it?Balkanian`s word (talk) 11:38, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

I note that the article is being peer reviewed here, and is also a Good article nomination. It would seem that several editors are hard at work on it. Therefore, to avoid any issues of WP:SHOPPING, I think that further help here wouldn't be appropriate. Good lukk with the GA; of course, if you do have any specific need of help, please ask. --  Chzz  ►  04:05, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org:80/wiki/User:Perelien/Sandbox

Hi! I'm a new user, and a first-time contributor. I've just written an article on Dutch trance artist DJ Dazzle (it's in my Sandbox), and I would really appreciate it if someone could have a look at it and give me some feedback. Thanks a lot in advance! Perelien (talk) 17:16, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

I suggest adding more reliable sources for verifiability, and remember to be careful with words like keen or instantly hooked, because they can sometimes be exaggerations. The citation style is a little bit unclear (enclosing the references in hyperlinks isn't necessary), but this should be ready for a mainspace move sometime soon. Spring12 (talk) 00:36, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Hi Spring12, thank you very much for your feedback and tips! I've edited the expressions you pointed out. I've also tried a different approach with regards to references, would you please have another look? Adding more references is quite difficult, though, as there aren't too many available. The only more recent bio I could find online is at the artist's MySpace page - can I list that one? I will keep working on it, though! I also have a question concerning images: I've received a few pictures in a promo pack, from the artist's manager. May I use them here? Thanks in advance! Perelien (talk) 12:35, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Article: Situationist International - from Start to C-Class

I would say Situationist International has now evolved to C-Class. Any comments?--Sum (talk) 12:06, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh my. The references are a real mess at the moment, and in dire need of a thorough going-over. You might get some ideas from user:chzz/refs. Reliable, verifiable references are vital to an article - a good way to think of it is, if you were reading the article, and looked at all the books, weblinks etc, would you be able to check up every single fact? --  Chzz  ►  05:56, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback, but using templates for citations is not a requirement for C-Class.--Sum (talk) 13:17, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

First article - Feedback is appreciated

Hello everybody,

I wrote a first article for Wikipedia and would appreciate your feedback. My main interest is the US economy and its companies, so I opted to write an article on a US company who’s products are very well known (Westcott scissors and rulers) but the company itself is less known: Acme United Corporation.

Since I’m not allowed to upload images yet, I could also use someone’s help to upload three images for the article (the company’s logo and two of its products).

Many thanks in advance for your advice and assistance. Caea (talk) 20:45, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Hm... a few things are uncited, but the sources you have listed look pretty reliable. As far as images go, you first want to try locating those that are licensed for free use. If none are available, you can try uploading them to the article under a free use rationale, if it applies. Spring12 (talk) 21:00, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Also, you might want to put an access date on those links. Spring12 (talk) 21:47, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Hi Spring12, many thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it very much. Concerning the images, they are for free use, but when I wanted to upload them, I couldn’t because I haven’t edited enough articles yet. Can I get any help with that? Caea8937 (talk) 20:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Sure, where are the images located? Spring12 (talk) 20:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

The three images are on my hard drive, so I can e-mail or upload them. Caea8937 (talk) 14:28, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

User:AirCombat/VANDU

Hey there. I've been working in the area of harm reduction in Canada, and I recently met some of the members of VANDU. I figured they needed an article, as they are showing up more and more in recent media. I've read the VANDU website and was thinking of using some of the article links they provide to garner more sources; all feedback is appreciated! AC (talk) 17:15, 2 April 2009 (UTC)