Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• June 1
• June 2
• June 3
• June 4
• June 5
• June 6
• June 7
• June 8
• June 9
• June 10
• June 11
• June 12
• June 13
• June 14
• June 15
• June 16
• June 17
• June 18
• June 19
• June 20

Index of all requests for feedback

I want to create this article and want some feedback before I post it

Jeff Stitely is an international award-winning jazz drummer and leader of The Stitely Orchestra. Aside from leading the Stitely Orchestra and running his business "Stitely Entertainment," Jeff is currently a Ravinia Jazz mentor teaching and performing for Chicago Public School students.

Biography

Early Life

Jeff started on a musical path at a young age by winning All State Competitions from ages 8 on. Jeff attended University of Illinois in Champagne to study classical percussion. Jeff has toured internationally with his own jazz quartet and with Chicago jazz icon Patricia Barber. Jeff and his Jazz Quartet recorded 3 CDs, the first of which was awarded "Top 10 Jazz CDS of the Year" by WBEZ & The Chicago Sun Times.

Since moving to Chicago in 1984, Jeff has performed with many great jazz, pop and classical musicians such as, Chick Corea, Wynton Marsalis, Randy Brecker, Eddie Harris, Larry Coryell, “Groove” Holmes, Kathleen Battle, Zoot Sims, Patricia Barber, Von Freeman, Bobby Shew, Bobby Lewis, Ed Peterson, Chicago Symphony’s “Gershwin-Bernstein Ensemble”, Grant Park Symphony, Sinfonieta and Fulcrumpoint.

Ventures

A transformational event in Jeff Stitely's career was when he got the opportunity to study and perform African drumming and dance with Ghanaian master drummer Gideon Foli Alorwoyie for five years. This venerable musical tradition is rooted in tribal rituals surrounding weddings, harvests and initiations. The music was performed to fill these celebrations with rapturous joy. It was in that same spirit that Jeff decided to start "Stitely Entertainment" in 1994, to bring Joy to celebrations.

"Stitely Entertainment" is a company located in Evanston, IL that manages four bands (The Stitely Orchestra, 312 Chicago, Chicago Groove Collective, and the Alan Gresik Swing Shift Orchestra) and provides work for over 80 musicians. "Stitely Entartainment" is owned and managed by jeff Stitely along with five employees and an internship program. "Stitely Entertainment" has been selected to The Knot "Best of Weddings" magazine for both 2008 and 2009.

Stitely Orchestra

The Stitely Orchestra is a 14-piece dance band led by Jeff Stitely. The band's diverse repertoire includes indie, contemporary, rock, R&B, funk, Motown, disco, Big Band, jazz, swing, ethnic, and other music. The Stitely Orchestra prforms throughout the U.S. Among the Venues it has performed at are the House of Blues, Navy Pier and Soldier Field. Some of Stitely Orchestra's past clients include the U.S. Olympic Committee, Australian Consulate, Northwestern University and such Fortune 500 companies as IBM, Kraft and Ford. The Stitely Orchestra performs at more than 140 events a year at every type of occasion ranging from weddings to corporate events.

Discography

1. Chameleon Eyes (1993)
2. All Things Equal (1996)
3. Ennead (1996)

Awards & Accomplishments

• Jeff was the Winner of the Best Soloist Award at the 9th International Jazz Competition of Belgium
• "Top 10 Jazz CDS of the Year" by WBEZ & The Chicago Sun Times
• Awarded two National Endowment for the Arts grants

References

Mu$ic123 (talk) 21:51, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Your article is not quite ready for the mainspace yet. The prose is pretty much all set, the main problem are the references. There are no secondary sources to verify the information in the article, since the only source you provided was the orchestra's own website. Please find outside sources that show the notability of this person. Keep up the good writing, Fingerz 09:34, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

hello everyone!I heard of this page and thought maybe someone could help me here.I'm looking for a Canadian band i think they are and they are call Wireless,they came out in the late 70s early 80s i think,and i think they came out of Ontariobut again i'm not sure.I remember seeing them with Rush for their Hemispheres tour,maybe that could help.

Thanks in advance Steve —Preceding unsigned comment added by Panshovelsteve (talk • contribs) 22:54, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Hello, you seem to be in the wrong place. Please go to the reference desk for knowledge questions. Thanks, Fingerz 09:34, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Addition to "New Orleans" posting

Under "Media" heading, please add OffBeat Magazine, which has been a print publication and website that focuses on the New Orleans and Louisiana music scene since 1988.

New Mercies Christian Church lilburn, GA - Senior Pastor Jesse Curney, III

I am requesting feedback on this page. It is up for speedy delete and I don't kow what I need to change to remove that criteria. --Marketingnmcc (talk) 20:54, 24 June 2009 (UTC)—User has been blocked indefinitely Fingerz 14:16, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

User:Bynaural/Crosstalk

I know it's lacking in a lot of information, but that is just the premise - currently. I still have to wait for a response on using a picture, etc.
I still have, yet, to add the External Links and wanted to worry about that last. Thanks!--Bynaural (talk) 10:33, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Hello, your article still has a bit of a way to go before it is ready for the mainspace. First, you need to add sources to verify the information that you put in the article. Sources such as the journal's website can be used, but to establish notability, you are going to need secondary sources, sources independent of the journal, that show the journal is notable enough for inclusion. Hopes this helps, Fingerz 09:15, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Scamhag

A woman who posts information in a sexual or men wanted context in an attempt to lure men into subscribing to a dating or other service that alludes to an introduction of a woman who may be interested in the subscriber.

Please see Wikipedia's policy on neologisms. Note that Wikipedia is not for things made up one day. Unless you provide secondary sources showing the notability of the phrase, the article will have no chance of surviving in wikipedia. Regards, Fingerz 09:18, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Dominant white

Dominant white in horses is a group of related coat color/pattern conditions which are all part of an allelic series on a particular gene. I'd like to make this article more accessible to people who are not horse-people or genetics/molecular biology people. Countercanter (talk) 19:19, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Do you mean that you want to make the prose more understandable to others? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking.Fingerz 12:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Yes. I'm not fussy, I'll take any thoughts. Countercanter (talk) 12:03, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm in the process of a copyedit right now, feel free to reverrt anything that I change if you like the previous version better.Fingerz 12:26, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank you kindly. Countercanter (talk) 13:18, 1 July 2009 (UTC) Further: As you (or anyone) read(s), I'd be so grateful if you'd keep track of when you go "Huh?". I think I can best address issues of clarity by answering questions. Countercanter (talk) 14:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

I've finished my copyedit. Basically, the main thing that would help the regular reader would be to wikilink any scientific or horse terms that aren't common knowledge, and for the ones that don't have articles, try and give further information on the term in a following sentence, or use an appositive. I could get through the article pretty well, though I do have some background in genetics terms, which might have helped. I really enjoyed reading this article; it is informative yet not overly dry and boring. I left you some notes within the text; be sure and look at them to see if you can improve on the specific concerns I have. Overall, it's a great article, one that'll be ready for GA soon, I'd think. Regards, Fingerz 14:06, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much! I should take red links to mean that the term needs clarification, right? I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm especially worried about parts that might just be very dense or dry, since I can get a little wordy and flowery. I may be back with more questions later, if that's alright. Countercanter (talk) 15:38, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Murine Mammary Tumon Virus

The main reason for writing the article on Dr. John J. Bittner was to give credit to him for his contributions in cancer research, most notably for discovering the Bittner agent, or “Bittner Virus”, which is now known as the Murine Mammary Tumor Virus. Wikipedia has an article on this virus but credit is given to a Dr. Brian C. Bittner. There are no references to establish his credibility or research.

I want to challenge this article with the following material:

Time, June 9, 1941 explains John Bittner’s procedure in establishing the theory that mice may get cancer from a virus in their mother’s milk. www,time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171.795343,00.html

Time, March 18, 1946 is an article entitled “Cancer Virus” featuring scientists Dr. Robert G. Green and Dr. John J. Bittner. It states that “The virus has been named the "Bittner Virus," in recognition of his discovery of the milk factor.” www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,934488,00.html

Advances in Cancer Research by By George F. Vande Woude, Jesse Philip Greenstein, George Klein, Alexander Haddow, George Klein books.google.com/books In this book, page 66, it notes that “John J. Bittner drew the assignment to explore the nongenetic alternative, the milk factor. His research was so compelling that the agent eventually became widely known as the “Bittner Virus”.”

Oxford Dictionary of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology By Richard Cammack, Anthony Donald Smith, Teresa K. Attwood, Peter Campbell books.google.com/books The dictionary lists “Bittner factor or Bittner particle former name for murine mammary tumour virus. (after John Joseph Bittner (1904-1961), US biologist)”

I believe these references should be enough for Wikipedia to correct their article on the Murine Mammary Tumor Virus and give Dr. John J. Bittner credit for his work and not some doctor who, ten years out of medical school, has a family medical practice in Virginia, according to a web search.

If he had lived Bittner would have shared the Nobel Prize in Physiology in 1966 because his research was the link between the two men recognized, Peyton Rous and Charles Huggins.

Hopefully, once corrected, this link will fulfill the "Orphan" status placed on this article.

Betsy Bittner Loague```` —Preceding unsigned comment added by Betsyloague (talk • contribs) 15:44, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Hello Betsy, the Orphan tag on the page is not because a lack of references, but because there are few pages that link to it. Find other articles related to him, and wikilink his name, then you can remove the orphan tag. It appears that the references you listed are already on the article, and they don't affect the article's orphan status.Fingerz 01:26, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

John J Bittner

What I am trying to prove is that you have misinformation on your site regarding the Mouse Mammary Tumor Virus. If you would look at the references supplied, some of which are new and not on the site, you will realize the problem. Once this is corrected then there will be a site with a link on Wikipedia to John J. Bittner, for it is him, not Brian C. Bittner who discovered the Murine (Mouse on Wikipedia) Mammary Tumor Virus through his research during the 1930s. It is doubtful that Brian was even alive at that time. I will be happy to supply other references if needed to clarify this fact.

```` —Preceding unsigned comment added by Betsyloague (talk • contribs) 02:00, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Aaron.matt83/Nora_Lustig

Hi there,

I am attempting to create a wikipage for Nora Lustig. I did a user subpage first to see if I could get an expert to review my page.

I have cited everything with reputable sources.

What more do I need to do to push this page to the main entry as Nora Lustig?

Thanks so much!

-Matt Aaron (User:Aaron.matt83) Aaron.matt83 (talk) 16:30, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

University of Valle

Greetings. I've substantially rewritten this article, and I would like that it would be checked in dept, specially in grammar, tone, and structure, before I submit it for a peer review or a good article review. Thanks for any help!!! -Andremun (talk) 16:55, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

RFF - Jake Edwards

I was asked by a senior editor to request a review of this page (regarding notability) before moving it public again. Please let me know if it's ok now. User:Tntdj/Jake Edwards (radio personality) Thanks --Tntdj (talk) 18:44, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Dragonlance novels dating

Is anyone planning to sort the novels in historical order? Or are they already? Dkphamilton (talk) 00:08, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Pervasive environment

I have just created a new page for "Pervasive environment" definition and applications. I would appreciate your feedback

--Bogdan Cristea , INCS and ESECO Systems 18:37, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

New functions for cognitive radios

On the main page for Cognitive Radio I have added several lines in order to specify new functions for cognitive radio, when this one is used in a pervasive environment. Please comment on this.

--Bogdan Cristea , INCS and ESECO Systems 18:37, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

RFF User:Tntdj/"Bridging chipset"

I would like to go live with this page. Please let me know if it's ok User:Tntdj/"Bridging chipset".

Thanks --Tntdj (talk) 17:07, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Educational Assignment: History of the Family

I am not sure if the general talking points make sense. Any help would be appreciated Koliber (talk) 21:44, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Byzantine calendar

Hello, I am looking for feedback on the article Byzantine calendar. I have greatly expanded the article including detailed references and bibliography. Looking for overall feedback on it to improve it; would be appreciated; general and specific feedback would both be great. It is a historically based subject, and a Christian based subject, and I would like to ensure the article reads smoothly and is accessible to everyone. A fresh opinion and criticism would be helpful.

Also, on the talk page it is listed as part of 4 wikiprojects, still with no ratings yet. Any idea how or where I go to request a review for each of those specific projects? Any links or pages I should be going to? Also, how do I get the article reviewed by a subject specialist on the Wikipedia Editorial board? Many thanks, :) ΙΣΧΣΝΙΚΑ-888 (talk) 03:04, 11 July 2009 (UTC)