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In North America table manners may differ from one home to another due to its multicultural background.<ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/food-and-wine-holidays/A-guide-to-table-manners-around-the-world/|title=A guide to table manners around the world|last=Peregrine|first=Anthony|date=2016-02-04|work=The Telegraph|access-date=2018-04-29|language=en-GB|issn=0307-1235}}</ref> "In France, parents traditionally insist that it is good manners for children to 'try a little of everything.' The rule prepares small French people to accept the variety that is offered by French cuisine; it is one reason why the French have withstood the modern onslaughts of sugar as well as they have. North American parents impose no such rule of manners; their insistence has to do entirely with health." <ref>{{cite book|last1=Visser|first1=Margaret|title=The Rituals of Dinner: The Origins, Evolution, Eccentricities, and Meaning of Table Manners|date=2008|publisher=HarperPerennial Canada|page=53}}</ref>
In North America, table manners may differ from one home to another due to its multicultural background. "In France, parents traditionally insist that it is good manners for children to 'try a little of everything.' The rule prepares small French people to accept the variety that is offered by French cuisine; it is one reason why the French have withstood the modern onslaughts of sugar as well as they have. North American parents impose no such rule of manners; their insistence has to do entirely with health."


Each household has a different set of rules at the table. Despite cultural differences, there are some essential table manners most families share, such as "don't pick your teeth at the table" and "chew with your mouth closed."<ref>{{Cite news|url=http://emilypost.com/advice/top-ten-table-manners/|title=Top Ten Table Manners - The Emily Post Institute, Inc.|work=The Emily Post Institute, Inc.|access-date=2018-04-29|language=en-US}}</ref> Due to changing lifestyles, table manners are more casual than they were 50 years ago. For example, some commentators contend that the common prohibition against placing elbows on the table no longer applies.<ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.mannersmentor.com/social-situations/elbows-on-the-table-have-the-manners-changed-yep|title=Elbows On the Table, Have the Manners Changed? Yes!|last=|first=|date=2014-04-24|work=Manners Mentor|access-date=2018-04-29|language=en-US}}</ref> Today, many families eat fast food without silverware and eat meals in front of the television or in the car rather than following past norms of gathering the family at the dining table for a meal. Critics claim that these changes have led to fewer opportunities to learn table manners in the home.<ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/1985/10/16/garden/table-manners-a-casualty-of-changing-times.html|title=TABLE MANNERS: A CASUALTY OF CHANGING TIMES|last=Greer|first=William R.|access-date=2018-04-29|language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-table-etiquette-still-matters/2014/04/25/adf17dbe-cbbe-11e3-93eb-6c0037dde2ad_story.html|title=Career Coach: Table etiquette still matters|last=Russell|first=Joyce E. A.|date=2014-04-27|work=Washington Post|access-date=2018-04-29|language=en-US|issn=0190-8286}}</ref>
Each household has a different set of rules at the table. Despite cultural differences, there are some essential table manners most families share, such as "don't pick your teeth at the table" and "chew with your mouth closed." Due to changing lifestyles, table manners are more casual than they were 50 years ago. For example, some commentators contend that the common prohibition against placing elbows on the table no longer applies. Today, many families eat fast food without silverware and eat meals in front of the television or in the car rather than following past norms of gathering the family at the dining table for a meal. Critics claim that these changes have led to fewer opportunities to learn table manners in the home


Additionally, advancement of technologies in recent years raises issues regarding [[smartphone]] use at the dining table. Opinions vary regarding whether the use of smartphones at the dining table is acceptable.<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://time.com/4010146/smartphones-dinner/|title=Everybody Hates When You Use Your Phone at Dinner|website=Time|language=en|access-date=2018-04-29}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|url=http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/23864-phones-at-the-dinner-table-u-m-study-explores-attitudes|title=Phones at the dinner table: U-M study explores attitudes {{!}} University of Michigan News|website=ns.umich.edu|language=en-gb|access-date=2018-04-29}}</ref>
Additionally, the advancement of technologies in recent years raises issues regarding smartphone use at the dining table. Opinions vary regarding whether the use of smartphones at the dining table is acceptable.


Many books and websites offer information regarding table manners for both adults and children, including a table manners "boot camp" for the entire family.<ref>{{cite web|title=Five Table Manners Your Family Needs to Know|url=https://themannerlymom.com/five-basic-table-manners-family-needs-know/|website=The Mannerly Mom}}</ref>
Many books and websites offer information regarding table manners for both adults and children, including a table manners "boot camp" for the entire family.


== Offenses ==
== Offenses ==

Revision as of 18:40, 11 July 2018

The dinner party

Table manners are the cultural customs and rules of etiquette used while dining. As in other areas of North American etiquette, the rules governing appropriate table manners have changed over time, and may differ depending on the setting (e.g. dining at home, at a restaurant, or with business colleagues).

History

Table manners have an ancient and complex history: each society has gradually evolved its system, altering its ways sometimes to suit circumstance, but also vigilantly maintain its customs in order to support its ideals and its aesthetic style, and to buttress its identity.[1]

The earliest Western dining traditions were documented by the Ancient Greeks. Table-setting scenes are found in the Old Testament and in the writings of Homer. European table manners and other examples of chivalry date back as far as the eleventh century. Today, many of the behaviors that take place at the dinner table are deeply rooted in history.[2] Italy more or less led the cultural revolution, table manners included. Italian poet Giovanni della Casa advised in Galateo, his 1558 book on manners: "One should not comb his hair nor wash his hands in public... The exception to this is the washing of the hands when done before sitting down to dinner, for then it should be done in full sight of others, even if you do not need to wash them at all, so that whoever dips into the same bowl as you will be certain of your cleanliness."[3] Proper manners were a concern even of leaders in the more democratic society of eighteenth-century America. At age fourteen, George Washington transcribed his own "Rules of Civility." William Penn published collections of maxims on personal and social conduct. Benjamin Franklin's very popular Poor Richard's Almanac was full of comments on proper behavior. During the nineteenth century, hundreds of books on etiquette were published in the United States.[4]

There is some research going back as far as the 1530 discussing table manners and over the course of hundreds of years, and although the wording may have changed, some of those table manners still hold a place in modern society. Some examples are:

Eat rolls or bread by tearing off small bite size pieces and buttering only the piece you are preparing to eat. When ready for another piece, repeat the same process. (Desiderius Erasmus, 1532)[5]

Engage in table conversation that is pleasant but entirely free of controversial subjects.( Thomas Twyne, 1576)[5]

If you need something that you cannot reach easily, politely ask the person closest to the item you need to pass it to you. (Thomas Tusser, 1577)[5]

Elbows on the table are acceptable only between courses, not while you are eating. Never chew with your mouth open or make loud noises when you eat. Although it is possible to talk with a small piece of food in your mouth, do not talk with your mouth full. If food gets caught between your teeth and you can't remove it with your tongue, leave the table and go to a mirror where you can remove the food from your teeth in private. (William Phiston, 1609)[5]

Manners are designed to be outmoded. Read Confucius on the rules of eating with others or the 16th-century Dutch master who wrote the first book on dining etiquette and you'll see that the rules have changed beyond recognition. But the principle of having a commonly agreed set of norms that show respect for others remains. The other thing with manners is that people's views of what makes good manners change at different rates.[6]

At home

In North America, table manners may differ from one home to another due to its multicultural background. "In France, parents traditionally insist that it is good manners for children to 'try a little of everything.' The rule prepares small French people to accept the variety that is offered by French cuisine; it is one reason why the French have withstood the modern onslaughts of sugar as well as they have. North American parents impose no such rule of manners; their insistence has to do entirely with health."

Each household has a different set of rules at the table. Despite cultural differences, there are some essential table manners most families share, such as "don't pick your teeth at the table" and "chew with your mouth closed." Due to changing lifestyles, table manners are more casual than they were 50 years ago. For example, some commentators contend that the common prohibition against placing elbows on the table no longer applies. Today, many families eat fast food without silverware and eat meals in front of the television or in the car rather than following past norms of gathering the family at the dining table for a meal. Critics claim that these changes have led to fewer opportunities to learn table manners in the home

Additionally, the advancement of technologies in recent years raises issues regarding smartphone use at the dining table. Opinions vary regarding whether the use of smartphones at the dining table is acceptable.

Many books and websites offer information regarding table manners for both adults and children, including a table manners "boot camp" for the entire family.

Offenses

One of the wonderful things about language is that some words change over time and some don't.[7] For example, the thing that hatches has always been referred to as an egg, but the carrot has had several names. In the 16th century, it was called a dauk or a clapywide. The same thing goes for table manners. Not all table manners offenses will stay the same. The activities that seemed hurtful and impolite have assimilated and become a norm in the modern days. In addition, there are table manners that are clearly unacceptable in one place but accepted in other places.

In the United States, it seems that the table manners of the current generation have declined throughout the decades.[8] This is based on several reasons: Americans are becoming busier each day, rushing to the workplace, and returning home late due to extra working hours. As a result, one seldom sees families eating together. So, what does eating with family have to do with table manners? Geoffrey Holder once said that education begins at home. So, due to the interaction between family members, parents can help to educate their children on how to behave at the table. As a result, we might see the future generations in the United States become well-mannered.

The best-known table manners offense is the elbow on the table. In 1922, it was never intended to put elbows on the table when one is eating. This is because putting elbows on the table will cause it to become unbalanced.[9] It might cause others' food or cutlery to tumble to the ground. However, as time changes, it has become more acceptable to put one's elbows on the table, but only between courses, not while eating.

Talking while eating is one of the controversially offensive table manners. This is because the environment at the table should not be dull, but also, food should not be allowed to become cold. So conversation at the table is common. Back in the 20th century, it was immoral to let anyone see what was in your mouth. In addition, making a noise while eating is considered extremely uncivilized.[7] Now, it is acceptable to talk while eating, but not while your mouth is full.

Slurping is one of the table manners that been perceived differently by different culture.

The main reason to be quiet while eating is, for your safety. According to the National Safety Council, suffocation, especially on foods, was ranked fourth on a list of major causes of death in American homes.[10] There was a case in Bailey Middle School that involved one of the students choking while eating in the cafeteria. Thomas Kellenberger, 12, just escaped from death when he was choking on a bite of chicken.[11]

"We were just joking around, eating, and I guess I just choked. I took too big of a bite and just choked," Kellenberger recalled. "I started to laugh then I started to choke, it was like that."

In most places, it is unacceptable for someone to make disapproving or disrespectful sounds when presented with food. Likewise, blowing one's nose at the table is unacceptable.[12] In addition, slurping your food is considered offensive as it is impolite and inconsiderate to others. It is illegal to slurp your soup at a public eating place in New Jersey.[13] However, it is a different story in Japan. It is even advisable for you to slurp your noodles as a way to show your appreciation.

Not every good table manner in North America is acceptable in every part of the world. Certain manners are considered rude in other cultures. For example, leaving tips. It is normal for an American to leave a tip for their waiter. However, it is offensive to tip waiters in Japan.[14] For them, it is an implication that they are underpaid and have been reduced to begging.

As business dealings can take place over a meal, table manners may be put to good use while dining with clientele, coworkers, or subordinates - building rapport with a client, celebrating the accomplishments of a team, or simply hosting discussion in a non-office setting all call for proper etiquette if dining is involved. It is deemed an essential enough behavioral skill that has suffered from a decline in naturally occurring generational inheritance[15] to the effect that some schools have opened programs and classes centered around dining etiquette to educate students in the practice.[16] Poor table manners can affect the opinion of those involved, as well as the outcome of the meeting.[17]

Many appropriate mannerisms from formal dining situations can be applied in a business setting, though variations exist depending on who is the host and who is the guest, and the relation the one has with the other. Speaking while still chewing or mid-bite may be acceptable in an informal lunch setting with often-seen coworkers, but in a high-stakes meeting with a potential customer, it will likely come off as rude. Napkins are intended to be kept in the lap. The exception is when leaving the table temporarily - placed on the chair signals the staff that the diner's meal is unfinished, placed on the table near the plate shows the patron has completed their meal.[17]

Unless the host offers to pay the inevitable bill, it should be assumed that each diner is responsible for their own bill, and the staff (and table) should be made aware of this at the appropriate time.[18] The former being the case typically does not mean that the most expensive item on the menu should be sought out.

The dress code for a business related dining event can vary, usually around when the event takes place. The lunch period will likely find participants wearing what they wore to work, though special events may require a higher level of dress. It is important to understand and attempt to match the formality of the event[18] - this type of table manners begin prior to sitting down at the table.

Restaurant

Restaurant table manners are a critical part of dining when away from home, but it is important to note that the required level of formality can vary depending on the formality of the restaurant.[1]

Proper table manners ought to begin as soon as one arrives at a table. The very first step after sitting down is place the napkin in one's lap.[19] With the napkin placed on the lap, it protects clothing from spills or food that may fall into the diner's lap.[20]

The basic place setting

It is important to be able to navigate the table setting, not only knowing which utensils to use, but which items are meant for who's use. A general rule of thumb for selecting the proper spoon or fork when provided with multiple is to start on the outside and work your way in.[21] For example, if you are starting with a salad course and you have two forks to choose from, the fork farthest from the plate should be used, leaving the closer one for the main course. Similarly, if you start with soup, select the spoon that is farthest from the plate.

Many restaurants set the table with a bread plate and water glass at each seat before patrons arrive. The bread plate goes to the left of the plate, and the beverage to the right.[22] To avoid drinking from the wrong glass or taking a bite of your neighbor's bread, use the following trick if you forget which is yours:

Touch both your index fingers to your thumbs. On your left, you will see a lowercase b, which stands for bread plate. On your right is a lowercase d for Drinks.[22]

Dining in North America is widely viewed as not just eating food, but rather, a social occasion.[23] As such, it is important to show the people dining with you that you respect them and their time enough to put your cell phone away. According to a study done by the Pew Research Center, 38% percent of people think it is acceptable to use cellphones in restaurants, and that number gets even smaller depending on the occasion.[24] 12% of people think it is ok to use cell phones at family dinners, and only 5% think it is appropriate during meetings.[24]

When it comes to paying the bill in American restaurants, adding a tip is a common custom that is often expected by the waiter. According to a study by CreditCards.com, 4 out of 5 Americans always leave a tip when dining out, and the average tip is 16%-20% of the total bill.[25]

References

  1. ^ a b Visser, Margaret (1992). The Rituals of Dinner. New York: Penguin Group. pp. Introduction. ISBN 0-8021-1116-5.
  2. ^ Creative, Metro. "The history of table settings and dining etiquette". Richmond Times-Dispatch. Retrieved 2018-04-23.
  3. ^ Rhodes, Jesse. "Renaissance Table Etiquette and the Origins of Manners". Smithsonian. Retrieved 2018-04-24.
  4. ^ "History of Manners and Etiquette | Life Lessons". lifelessons4u.wordpress.com. Retrieved 2018-04-24.
  5. ^ a b c d Garner, Dwight. "A Place at the Table for Good Manners". ezproxy.everettcc.edu. Retrieved 2018-04-26. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |dead-url= (help)
  6. ^ Preston, Matt. "Mine your table manners". ezproxy.everettcc.edu. Retrieved 2018-04-24. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |dead-url= (help)
  7. ^ a b Morton, Mark. "Table Manners." Gastronomica: The Journal of Food and Culture, vol. 7, no. 2, 2007, pp. 6–8.
  8. ^ Jay, Timothy B. (2016). We Did What?! Offensive and Inappropriate Behavior in American History. ABC-CLIO. pp. 23–24. ISBN 9781440837739.
  9. ^ "Why do some consider it rude to place your elbows on the table? - Quora". www.quora.com. Retrieved 2018-05-02.
  10. ^ "Safety at Home". www.nsc.org. Retrieved 2018-05-02.
  11. ^ "Bailey Middle School seventh grader performs the Heimlich to save choking best friend". Pensacola News Journal. Retrieved 2018-05-02.
  12. ^ Paul., Fieldhouse, (1986). Food & nutrition : customs & culture. London: Croom Helm. pp. 68–69. ISBN 0709910428. OCLC 12557773.{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link)
  13. ^ Genzlinger, Neil (2001-07-15). "JERSEY; Welcome to the Capital of Wacky Laws". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2018-05-02.
  14. ^ Thrastardottir, Asta (2015-02-19). "11 Japanese customs that are shocking to foreign travellers". Business Insider Australia. Retrieved 2018-05-02.
  15. ^ Greer, William R. "TABLE MANNERS: A CASUALTY OF CHANGING TIMES." New York Times, Late Edition (East Coast) ed., Oct 16 1985, ProQuest. Web. 30 Apr. 2018
  16. ^ ""Bad Dining Etiquette can often Hamper Your Career."". Detroit Free Press. April 8, 2018. {{cite news}}: |access-date= requires |url= (help)
  17. ^ a b Dunckel, Jacqueline (August 1992). Business Etiquette: Make a Good Impression - Gain the Competitive Edge. Canada: International Self-Counsel Press Ltd. p. 62. ISBN 0-88908-531-5.
  18. ^ a b Meier, Myka. "How to Deal with an Over-Spender Who always Wants to Split the Bill." The New York Observer, Nov 07 2017, ProQuest. Web. 30 Apr. 2018
  19. ^ Bremer, Jill (2008). "Dining Etiquette: A Refresher Course – Library Worklife:". ala-apa.org. Retrieved 2018-04-25. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |dead-url= (help)
  20. ^ "Table Manners: The Napkin | Rooted in Foods". rootedinfoods.com. 2017-08-25. Retrieved 2018-04-28. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |dead-url= (help)
  21. ^ "The Ultimate Table Setting Guide". www.etiquettescholar.com. Retrieved 2018-04-29. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |dead-url= (help)
  22. ^ a b Williams Brown, Kelly (2017-03-08). "10 Basic Table Manners Rules You Should Always Follow". Rodale Wellness. Retrieved 2018-04-29.
  23. ^ Post Senning, Cindy. "Texting at the Dinner Table - The Emily Post Institute, Inc". The Emily Post Institute, Inc. Retrieved 2018-04-27.
  24. ^ a b Rainie, Lee (2015-08-26). "Manners 2.0: Key findings about etiquette in the digital age". Pew Research Center. Retrieved 2018-04-27.
  25. ^ "Demographics of Tipping at Restaurants - Demographic Partitions". Demographic Partitions. 2017-07-26. Retrieved 2018-05-01.
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