Conkers

For the video game character and games of the same name, see Conker (series)

Conker is the name used in Britain, Ireland and some former British colonies for the nuts of the Common Horse-chestnut tree, when used in a game traditionally played by children, Conkers. The name comes from the nineteenth-century dialectal word conker meaning snail-shell (related to French conque meaning a conch), as the game was originally played using snail shells. The name may also be influenced by the verb conquer, as the game was also called conquerors. Conkers are also known regionally as "obblyonkers", "cheggies" or "cheesers". In America they are simply known as chestnuts or as buckeyes.

Rules of the game

Take a large, hard conker and drill a hole through it using a nail, gimlet, or small screwdriver. (This may be done by an adult on behalf of the contestant.) Thread a piece of string through it about 25 cm long. Often a shoelace is used. Tie a large knot at one or both ends of the string, so that the conker will not slide off when swung hard.
Find an opponent. It is to your advantage if you can find an opponent with a conker smaller and softer than yours.
Take it in turns to hit each other's conker using your own. If you break your opponent's conker, you gain a point. To do this one player lets the conker dangle on the full length of the string while the other player hits. To hit, hold the string in one hand with the conker held above it in the other hand, then swipe at the opponent's conker, letting go of your own nut but keeping hold of the string.

Scoring

A new conker is a none-er meaning that it has conquered none yet.
If you manage to smash your opponent's conker to pieces, so that it comes off the string, your conker gets the score that your opponent's conker had, plus one for beating the opponent's conker itself. To beat your opponent you smash their conker so it falls of the shoelace/string. So for example, if two none-ers play, the surviving conker will become a one-er. But if a two-er plays a three-er, the surviving conker will become a six-er.
This scoring system is arguably not particularly fair, but it has the property that in a competition where n new conkers compete until only one survives, the surviving conker will be an (n-1)-er regardless of the sequence of games. Familiarity with the game will make this scoring system seem more justifiable, as some conkers seem to lead charmed lives, while others are just extraordinarily tough.

Variation

A variation of rule 3 above is as follows: A player is allowed to keep taking shots at the opponent's conker until they miss. When the player misses, the roles swap. If a player just slices the opponent's conker (i.e. does not get a clean hit, often because wind causes the opponent's conker to sway), then both players quickly shout "tips" and the one who in the opinion of onlookers shouted it first, gets to take shots.

The rules played at the world conker championship note that each player has 3 swings at the opponents conker before the roles are reversed.

A further variation adds that if a player should let go of the string when the hit occurs, which often results in the conker traveling quite some distance, whosoever gets to it first wins it.

Another variation states that if a conker should come off the string, but is otherwise undamaged, the 'attacking' player may shout "stampsies" and attempt to stamp on the 'defending' player's conker before they are able to retrieve it.

In some areas, a rule is played whereby if a player takes his shot and the two laces become tangled, the first player who shouts "clinks", "strings" or "jinks", depending on the region, gets to take shots. In the Midlands in the 1950s the cry was tingle-tangle five knocks which allowed the fouled player five free knocks.

A Puerto Rican variation of this game is called "gallitos" (meaning small roosters or cocks, as in cockfighting). The opponents face each other and the defending "gallito" is laid in the center of a circle drawn in the dirt. Not until the attacking player misses will the defending player take a turn. Upon missing, if the attacking player is quick enough, he/she will try to swing at the defending "gallito" before the defendant removes it from within the circle. If the defending "gallito" is struck it must remain in the circle until the attacker misses again. This move is called a "paso de paloma". The Puerto Rican variation is not played with chestnuts, but rather with the smaller seed of the Jatobá (Hymenaea courbaril ), typically referred to in Puerto Rico as Algarrobo.^[1]

History of Conkers

The first recorded game of Conkers using horse chestnuts was on the Isle of Wight in 1848. Until then, children used snail shells or hazelnuts.

In 1965 the World Conker Championships were set up in Ashton (near Oundle) Northamptonshire, England, and still take place on the second Sunday of October every year. In 2004, an audience of 5,000 turned up to watch more than 500 competitors from all over the world slug it out.

1976 was the first time that a non-british contestant won the Men's World Conker Championship. The Mexican Jorge R. Ramirez took the place of a contestant that was unable to arrive on time at Ashton, and defeated the 1975 champion at the Finals. The Men's champion has been British in every other year except 1998 when German player Helmut Kern from Nauort won.

In 1993 ex-Python Michael Palin was disqualified from a Conker Championships in the United Kingdom for baking his conker and soaking it in vinegar.

In 1999, the British charity ActionAid applied for a patent on hardening conkers, in protest at the patenting of life forms by large companies.

2000 saw the first ladies champion from outside the UK. Selma Becker originally from Austria took the title. Again the queen of conkers has stayed in the UK except in 2001 when French lady Celine Parachou was the winner.

In 2000 a survey of British schools showed that many were not allowing children to play Conkers as head teachers were afraid of the legal consequences if children were injured while playing the game. In 2004 a headmaster was reported to be outfitting pupils with goggles to play the game. This in turn prompted DJs on BBC Radio 1 to start their own Radio 1 Conker Championships. Top Gear later did a show where they played a game of conkers using cranes instead of string, and mobile homes instead of conkers. After putting on safety goggles, presenter James May commented "I now feel perfectly happy about being hit in the face by a caravan."

How to harden conkers

To stand a good chance of winning, it is desirable to have as hard a conker as possible. The best way to achieve this is to leave your conker in a drawer for a year (conkers that are put away for a year, and then reappear to cause havoc among the new nuts, are called "Laggies" in many areas). If you lack time, a similar effect can be gained by briefly baking it in an oven. Some people also swear by soaking or boiling in vinegar, or paint clear nail varnish on their conkers.

It should be pointed out, however, that some would consider any artificial hardening of a conker to be cheating. At the British Junior Conkers Championships on the Isle of Wight in October 2005, contestants were banned from bringing their own conkers due to fears that they might harden them. The Campaign For Real Conkers claimed this was an example of over-regulation which was causing a drop in interest in the game. In the World Conker Championship contestants are also restricted to using the conkers provided.

One factor that can affect the strength of a conker is to ensure that the hole is clean and that there are no notches that can begin a crack or split.

On the television show Brainiac: Science Abuse an experiment took place to see how to best harden one's conker.^[2] The best contender was a conker that was rolled around in hand cream. The theory was that it softened the impact. Also shown is that Conkers explode when microwaved.