Talk:Kersal

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Some (or maybe all) of the information on the Kersal flats page needs to be integrated into this article. - Snigbrook 12:17, 20 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I would agree with that except for the fact that none of the information in Kersal Flats is referenced. Richerman 12:27, 20 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

A large chunk of material has been lifted from my Kersal Flats page. I did not give permission for this and I intend using it elsewhere. Kersal Flats

You asked for comments on this article, so here they are. It's difficult to comment in a way that doesn't seem negative, and that's not my intention at all. You've done a great job in improving this article, and my comments are only intended to help you to take it to the next level.

The lead is rather on the short side; it should try to be a mini version of the article in 3 or 4 paragraphs.
The article would benefit from a copyedit by someone with fresh eyes. It's hard to do that with your own work; you know what you meant to say, and you think that you've said it, but it may not be so clear to other readers.
The article is well enough developed now that you ought to start thinking about making sure that it complies with at least the major elements of the wikipedia manual of style. OK, I know that seems like I'm asking for a lot, But sentences like this "On a lighter note Derek Birley (Sport and the Making of Modern Britain) informs us that Kersal Moor was ..." are a big no-no. Personal pronouns not allowed.
There are some external links in the body of the article. They should all be in a separate External links section.
The only other thing that immediately jumped out me was the References section. it's really important to get that right, right from the start, and generally it looks good, but some seem to be incomplete. Reference 18, for instance. Where are the details for the Jewish Year Book 2007? And references 3,6,7,11 and 16 repeat much of the same information. I struggled with references for a while as well, but I've now settled on a style that I think works, where the published references are in a separate Bibliography section/subsection, referenced from a Notes section. A bit like the style the Manchester article uses, although I don't quite follow that style myself, I tend to do it as in the Stretford article.

Great job so far, I hope you can keep it up. :)

--Malleus Fatuarum 21:23, 3 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]