John Gottman

John Mordecai Gottman is a Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through scientific direct observations published in peer-reviewed literature. The lessons learned from this work represent a partial basis for the relationship counseling movement which aim to improve relationship functioning and the avoidance of those behaviors shown by Gottman and other researchers to deteriorate human relationships. Dr. Gottman is a Professor Emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, and with his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman now heads a non-profit research institute, The Relationship Research Institute and a for-profit therapist training entity, The Gottman Institute .

Gottman found his methodology predicts with 90% accuracy which newlywed couples will remain married and which will divorce four to six years later. It is also 81% percent accurate in predicting which marriages will survive after seven to nine years. His prediction method, which relies on Paul Ekman's method of analyzing human emotion and microexpressions, is also featured in Malcom Gladwell's book Blink and the television series The Human Face.

Gottman was born in the Dominican Republic to Orthodox Jewish parents. His father was a rabbi in Vienna before World War II. He was educated in a Lubavitch yeshiva elementary school in Brooklyn, New York, and currently identifies with Conservative Judaism.

Contempt and marriage

In the book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking author Malcolm Gladwell discusses John Gottman's theories of how to predict which couples will stay married. Part of Gottman's theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive to a marriage: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Among these four, Gottman considers contempt the most important of them all.

Seven Principles

In his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, Gottman discusses behaviors that he has observed in marriages that are successful and those that are detrimental to marriage based on his research conducted at his lab in Seattle, Washington. He has outlined seven principles that will reinforce the positive aspects of a relationship and help marriages endure during the rough moments.

1. Enhance Your Love Maps. Gottman defines a love map as the place in your brain where you store information pertaining to your partner. This is crucial in really knowing your partner, their dreams, hopes, interests, and maintaining their interest throughout the relationship.
2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. This means laying down a positive view about your spouse, respecting and appreciating their differences.
3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away. Acknowledging your partner's small moments in life and orienting yourself towards them will maintain that necessary connection that is vital for the relationship.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You. It is important to maintain your own identity in a relationship, but it is equally important to yield to your partner and give in. If both partners allow one another this influence, then they will learn to respect one another on a deeper level.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems. It is important to compromise on issues that can be resolved, which Gottman believes can be accomplished by these five steps: soften your startup, learn to make and receive repair attempts, soothe yourself and each other, compromise, and be tolerant of each other’s faults.
6. Overcome Gridlock. Major issues that cannot be resolved because both partners’ views are so fundamentally different involves understanding of the other person and deep communication. The goal is to at least get to a position that allows the other person to empathize with the partner's view, even if a compromise cannot be reached.
7. Create Shared Meaning. Create a shared value system that continually connects the partners through rituals/traditions, shared roles and symbols.

Awards and honors

Gottman has been the recipient of four National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Awards, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Distinguished Research Scientist Award, the American Family Therapy Academy Award for Most Distinguished Contributor to Family Systems Research, the American Psychological Association Division of Family Psychology, Presidential Citation for Outstanding Lifetime Research Contribution and the National Council of Family Relations, 1994 Burgess Award for Outstanding Career in Theory and Research.

Media appearances

Gottman has been seen on, among other television programs, Good Morning America, the Today Show, the CBS Morning News and Oprah. He has been profiled in the New York Times, the Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Glamour, Woman’s Day, People, Self, the Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, the Seattle Times and the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

Works

Gottman has published over 190 papers, and is the author or co-author of 40 books, notably:

• Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…and How You Can Make Yours Last (Simon & Schuster, 1994)
• Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting (Simon and Schuster, 1997) – written with Joan Declaire
• The Marriage Clinic (W.W. Norton, 1999)
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Crown Publishers, 1999) – a New York Times bestseller
• The Relationship Cure, A 5-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers (Crown Publishers, 2001)
• Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship (Crown Publishers, 2006)
• And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives (Crown Publishers, 2007)

External links

• The Gottman Institute
• The Mathematics of Love - An interview (Edge)
• An Interview with John Gottman (Psychotherapy.net)
• John Gottman: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child KUOW-FM Speaker Forum