Cherokee Hair Tampons

Template:Infobox South Park episode "Cherokee Hair Tampons" is episode 407 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired on June 28, 2000.

Plot synopsis

Cartman apparently squirts milk out of his nose when he laughs too hard (even when he isn't drinking any) and Kyle is sick. Stan visits his sick friend, and Mrs. Marsh suggests to Mrs. Broflovski that she try New Age healing to cure Kyle. They go to the store of Miss Information, the new mystical woman in town, who tells them that mysterious "toxins" are the cause of Kyle's ailments and subscribes a series of herbs to help him; none of them work, but she convinces the people of South Park that they do, and the whole town becomes enamoured with her remedies, and buys such nostrums as "Cherokee hair tampons" from two supposed Native Americans who share her store. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison is fired for charges of soliciting sex from a minor (which he did in the previous episode, "Cartman Joins NAMBLA"). He decides to fulfill his dream of publishing a book, and begins to write a romance novel, in which he manages to use the word "penis" 6,083 times.

Stan goes to ask Dr. Doctor for help, and the doctor says that Kyle will die unless he gets a kidney transplant from the only other person in town with a compatible blood type, Cartman. However, Cartman (who hates Kyle) refuses to do it unless given $10,000,000. Attempts to sneak into his house cut his kidney out while he sleeps proves fruitless, as he wears a "Kidney Blocker 2000." Mrs. Broflovski brings in Kyle for a "spiritual healing" by the "Native Americans", who declare that he needs to see a doctor and says that Miss Information lied and they are really Mexican. The people in town rebel against her, and Stan declares he has a plan to get Kyle his kidney.

Cartman awakes the next day to find the Kidney Blocker destroyed, and redness all over his bed. He marches to Stan's house and recovers his kidney, then goes to the doctor and arranges to have it put back in, signing a release form. However, all this is a plan of Stan's plan. Cartman's mom really opened the Blocker and they put ketchup in his bed to fool him; the form he signed actually allowed Kyle to take his kidney. Cartman is angered (it isn't revealed where the kidney Stan gave Cartman came from). Kyle is better, and Mr. Garrison comes to give him a copy of his book, Valley of the Penises, which was published mainly because women read romance novels and want to read about penises. Cartman is still angry, but as Kyle and Stan laugh at him, milk comes out of Kyle's nose. Cartman expressed joy that at least Kyle got the "crappy kidney."

Trivia

• At the beginning of the episode, the boys pretend to have different names to trick the substitute. Cartman saying his name is Kenny is a reference to Jesus vs. Frosty, in which the character who would one day evolve into Cartman is named Kenny (the character that would evolve into Kenny, as well as those of Stan and Kyle, have no name).
• Miss Information's name is a pun of the word "misinformation."
• The Mexicans are played by (and physically resemble) Cheech and Chong.
• When Stan cries over the idea that Kyle may die, Kenny appears to take offense to the fact that when he dies repeatedly, no one seems to care. What he says before getting squashed by a piano is pretty much exactly the same as the "Screw you guys, I'm going home" trademark phrase Cartman says before he leaving the group on occasion. He says: "You never seem to care when I die." then after he says, "Now that does it! I had just enough of this bullshit! Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
• Cartman's kidney causes milk to spill from his nose may be a reference to "Weight Gain 4000", where the pills he takes warn of kidney damage.
• Cartman has a nightmare about hippies, which is a recurring theme.
• Valley of the Penises is based on Beyond the Valley of the Dolls by Roger Ebert. Ebert gave a poor review of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, and Matt Stone and Trey Parker then compared their movie to his.
• It is mentioned that Kyle is a diabetic. In a later episode, however, it has shown him with a great deal of candy (though it didn't show him eating it).
• Furthermore, Stan describes the meal Kyle throws up as being "bean with bacon soup", an odd meal for an observant Jew.
• The romance novel Mr. Garrison writes and the name of the publishing house are based on the Harlequin romance novels.
• A fake live-action commercial for "Cherokee Hair Tampons" is featured.
• The piano tune that plays when Cartman refuses to donate his kidney is main theme to the burlesque play, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.