Etiquette in Australia and New Zealand

Expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation. As the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. However, a lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of people in Australia and New Zealand can make even the best intentioned person seem ignorant, inconsiderate or even rude.

Shared expectations

Australia and New Zealand are separate countries, each with its own distinct national identity that includes particular customs and rules of etiquette. Confusing their identities in general conversation is usually not tolerated and will be quickly corrected. Points of etiquette that apply to both countries include the following:

General

• In general, Australians have a notable preference for rote niceties, the classic "P's & Q's"; especially the word "please," but also the phrases "thank you," and "excuse me." Although there is a growing contingent in Australia who dislike the misuse of the word please especially when a request impinges on the other persons boundaries and the requester sounds like a whiner. Furthermore, one should not expect to hear the word "please" attached to a request for them to disengage from an unwelcome or unlawful behaviour, nor to perform a task routinely expected of them for the position they hold, except in a hospitality setting. While apologizing or expressing appreciation has somewhat displaced the ubiquity of the rote expressions elsewhere in the Anglosphere—in the US and England, especially—Australians will sometimes visibly scowl if a stranger makes a casual request or initiates transaction without specifically saying "please" or "thank you." Likewise, even those suffering some obvious distress are expected to speak the words "excuse me" when asking to move past.

However, in a place of business an apologetic or over-polite request made of a person who is paid to provide the service you may want, is usually seen as unnecessary - and may backfire. For example: "I'm terribly sorry to bother you -- but may I have another napkin?" might elicit an eyeroll that could easily be avoided by simply saying: "may I have another napkin, please?" This may hold true even, perhaps counter-intuitively, if the latter is delivered somewhat more curtly or coolly.

When meeting friends or new people and when leaving the company of friends or people who one has just met it is becoming less common to require the handshake to be firm, though many are still offended by a 'limp' handshake. Giving someone a limp handshake is referred to as giving someone a "dead fish" and is often viewed with derision, especially in country areas. A quick clasping of hands may be OK for younger people. However, it is always respectful to make eye contact when you shake hands.

Language

• Requesting a fanny pack can be considered obscene due to the use of "fanny" as a slang term for female genitalia. "Bum bag" is the acceptable local variation in some areas. Australians and New Zealanders are generally tolerant of foreigners making this mistake.
• Enquiring about which sporting team "you root for" will be met with amusement. "Root" is a vulgar term in both Australia & New Zealand for sexual intercourse. Use "go for" or "support" instead. "Barrack for" is also used by some Australians.
• An enquiry about a person's well being (such as "How's it going?" or "How are you going?") is a common greeting. Generally the accepted response is "Not too bad" or "Pretty good mate", and it is considered polite to ask the person the same question back. It is also considered polite to greet anyone, including strangers, in this way.
• Bragging, or initiating discussion of one's own achievements, is usually considered in poor taste. (See tall poppy syndrome.)
• It is acceptable to host a barbecue without supplying all the food and drink. The host may ask guests to bring particular items such as beverages, salad, or meat, often using the initialism "BYO" (Bring your own)
• The term "bring a plate" is synonymous with "potluck"

Public places

• As cars drive on the left side of the road in both countries, people moving forward will generally go to the left as well. When walking on the pavement (usually called the 'footpath'), one should walk on the left, whenever possible. When travelling on escalators or moving walkways, one should keep to the right when walking, or keep to the left when standing.

• When using public transport, it is rude to board before letting other passengers disembark. It is polite to move from the aisle to the window seat if it is vacant, to allow others passengers to sit down easily.
• Trains and buses in all states of Australia and in New Zealand have seats set aside for elderly and disabled people. Sitting in these seats is acceptable but these seats should be offered to the people they are set aside for.
• Spitting is totally unacceptable, and can attract on-the-spot fines from police.
• Littering, that is dropping your rubbish as you walk or drive along, is frowned upon and also makes you liable to on-the-spot fines.
• When getting off a bus you may choose to say thank you to the driver, especially if they have been polite, endured loud or rowdy passengers or provided a comfortable ride, although it is not bad manners if you don't.

Bars and restaurants

• When paying a cashier, it is common to place the money in their hand. Change is usually placed in your hand in return. When paying at a restaurant it is acceptable to leave the money in the tray on the table, if one is provided. Otherwise, leave it inside the menu card and hand back to the waiter/waitress with a word of thanks. Paying at the cash register is most often the best way to avoid confusion.
• Tipping is not usually expected and some employees may not understand the gesture. Some employees are forbidden from accepting gratuities (this is mainly in positions of authority e.g. in a casino one cannot tip the dealer or a security guard however, this would not apply in a formal restaurant situation) and tipping face-to-face can create an awkward situation. However, it is appropriate to add a tip to restaurant bills if the service has been especially good. It is also acceptable to suggest that taxi drivers or waiters "keep the change", especially if the difference is small. Tips may be as large or as small as you feel appropriate. Where tip jars are provided, they are mostly used for loose change or coins.
• Queuing (forming a line) is expected when there is any demand for an item. The only exception to this is a pub. However, it is still rude to accept service from a barman before someone who has been waiting longer. A simple nod or subtle gesture towards the person who has waited longer will be understood by any experienced server to mean that the indicated person was before you.
• If you are in a pub and accidentally knock a person's drink over or bump into them and cause a spillage, it is both customary and polite to buy him another one - or at least offer to do so. Failing to do so may aggravate the average Australian bar patron and possibly cause them to respond aggressively toward you.
• When out with friends, co-workers or relatives, it is common but not compulsory for people to take turns buying rounds of drinks. This is referred to as a 'shout', e.g. "It's my shout."
• When entering the bar of a RSL (Returned Services Association - R.S.A. in New Zealand) or golf club, a man who does not remove his hat is considered rude and as a result rebuked by being told that he is expected to 'shout' (buy a round of drinks) for all those present.
• It is very rude to try to get someone's attention in a public place by saying "Oi!" or "Hey you!" or whistling especially in bars/pubs and restaurants.
• A person who takes the last item of food from a common plate, without first offering it to the others at the table may be seen as greedy or inconsiderate.
• You should treat people serving you as politely as you expect them to treat you. Use 'please' when placing an order or making a request and 'thank you' when you receive your order or service. They are there to help you, but they are not your 'slaves' or inferiors
• Complaints in restaurants are rare. Most will merely refuse to revisit an establishment after bad food or service
• Surcharges for use of less commonly used credit cards such as Diners Club and Amex commonly apply in many Australian establishments. To avoid conflict most establishments will advertise this with a sign of some sort near the cashier area
• Arguing or yelling with staff in a food & beverage establishment is considered rude and inappropriate
• Common restaurant manners include using the knife and fork properly, refraining from burping and placing elbows on a table, placing your napkin on your lap and leaving it folded on the table after use, and eating neatly. Chewing open-mouthed, slurping loudly and talking with a full mouth are considered rude.

Driving

• Australians, in common with most other Commonwealth nations (except Canada), drive on the left side of the road.
• Waving as a gesture of thanks to drivers that stop to allow you into their lane, exit a driveway, merging into the lane, or cross at a crossing, is viewed as polite.
• A common experience while travelling on state highways is being 'flashed' by oncoming vehicles. This is when an oncoming vehicle flicks its high beam headlights quickly but noticeably (day or night), and serves to warn drivers they are approaching a hazard: a speed camera or Police vehicle/Radar/Random Breath Test (most commonly), or a motor vehicle accident, or animals/rocks on the road . Many drivers acknowledge this with a return wave or a brief reply 'flash' of their high beam headlights.. It is also done to alert the other driver if they have neglected to turn their own headlights on when necessary.
• When driving on Australian highways, if you are passed by a vehicle that is towing it is customary to signal to the passing vehicle that they are far enough ahead to move back into the left lane by 'flashing' your headlights. It is then polite for the passing vehicle to quickly flash their left, right and then left indicator as a signal of thanks.
• When coming out of parking lots and driveways in an automobile, it is considered polite (and required by law) to let a pedestrian walking on a footpath pass first.
• If a fellow driver is in trouble in Australia (for example: broken down, flat tire, lost) it is polite to take some time to assist them, however if it is impossible for you to stop then it is not a necessity.
• Flicking a lit cigarette or similar out of a car window whilst in traffic is illegal, dangerous, and will attract a fine.

Australia

General

• Generally, Australians are very easy going, and difficult to accidentally offend.
• Australians are often patriotic, so negatively comparing Australia with your home country will often be met with conflict.
• It may be impolite for an outsider to remark on Australia's history as a penal colony. The vast majority of immigrants to Australia have been free immigrants.
• Compared to many people from the UK and US, Australians may be more casual in various social situations. Those who resist this attitude may be viewed as snobbish.
• Although viewed as a homogeneous society (70% Anglo-Celtic of predominantly English/Anglo-British origin), there is more acknowledgement of the country's growing ethnic/racial diversity.
• Making jokes at another's expense or "taking the piss" is common in Australian society and is often a bonding process. However, it is frowned upon and considered cowardly to make jokes in the absence of the subject. Contrary to many other countries, Australians will generally wait until the subject is present before making derogatory jokes. For example, when an Australian meets a New Zealander on holiday, they may ask if they brought velcro gloves in order to get a better grip on those Australian sheep. (See point below re New Zealanders' thoughts on sheep jokes)

Language

• In informal situations some language that might be considered foul or offensive in other cultures may be used to convey different things. However it is considered rude and offensive to behave in this manner in front of children, especially in rural areas.
• "Indigenous Australian" and "Aboriginal person/Torres Strait Islander" are polite terms, also regional/state preferences such as "Koori" are also acceptable as long the person in question and you both consider each other friends. Aboriginal refers to Indigenous people from the mainland, the Torres Strait Islanders are a separate group with their own cultural traditions. "Abo", "Coon", "Gin" and "Boong" or "Boonga" are all considered offensive and unacceptable in formal conversation when describing Aborigines but are sometimes in casual conversations even when one of the participants is of Indigenous descent, though this is controversial and often frowned upon. "Aboriginal" is now used only as an adjective, although older documents may still use it as a noun (e.g. "Aboriginals"). Note that the words "Coon" and "Gin" are not always considered offensive in other contexts - the former being a popular brand of cheese and the latter a common drink. The politest option is to simply avoid the issue of race.
• State/ regional preferences for specific names for groups of Indigenous Australians have also arisen in recent years: The term Koori (or Koorie) in New South Wales or Victoria. Those from Queensland use the term Murri (pronounced the same as "Murray"). Nunga is used in most of South Australia. Noongar is used in southern Western Australia. Anangu is used in northern South Australia, and neighbouring parts of Western Australia and the Northern Territory. Palawah is used in Tasmania. However, there were over 200 different languages at the time of European settlement, which means these terms are very specific.

Ethnic issues

• Although those of Middle Eastern, Italian, Slavic or Greek descent may make flippant use of terms such as 'Leb' or wog (as in recent film "The Wog Boy"), as well on television comedies Acropolis Now and Kingswood Country) others should be wary of using what might still be received as a serious ethnic slur. The alternative term "New Australian" is becoming ridiculed, and never was the preferred term among ethnic groups. It may be used with permission between very good friends of differing ethnic backgrounds but is considered to be offensive term to use towards any other person or in a formal setting.
• In the UK, the term "paki" is considered racially offensive, however the word also evolved in parallel in Australia as a shortened form of "Pakistani". Usually used in a cricketing context, in Australian usage the word refers specifically and solely to people who are Pakistani and carries no derogatory intent.

Indigenous Australians

• Amongst Indigenous Australians, it can be taboo to refer to deceased Indigenous Australians by name, or through use of images. Individuals with the same names are then expected to change their name, as not to use the name of the deceased.

• Within some Indigenous Australian cultures, it is considered taboo for mother-in-law and son-in-law to interact on any level, this includes being within the same building or room at any time.

• Indigenous Australian communities have varying etiquette. In general, it is not polite to ask strangers and new acquaintances personal questions and making eye contact when not in conversation is often rude or threatening.

New Zealand

General

• When visiting someone's home for the first time, ask if you should remove your shoes.
• Queueing (getting in line) is polite in stores, post offices, banks, public transport stops and entertainment venues. It is rude to cut in ahead of others.
• In stores, bars, pubs and restaurants use 'please' and 'thank you' frequently, e.g. when asking an assistant/server a question, when placing an order (e.g. 'two glasses of beer please'), or when offering or asking for an item to the assistant/server you wish to buy (i.e. "this/these please"). When being handed change say 'thank you' and when about to leave say 'thank you'.
• Table manners are similar to the United Kingdom. Do not put your elbows on the table, do not burp, ask for shared food items to be passed to you if they are out of reach, etc.
• Do not ask others what their income is and do not talk about your own.
• It is very rude to talk about strangers to your friend/spouse/children etc. when that stranger is around you or within hearing distance.
• Money, sex and religion are not suitable topics for conversation in public places including bars, pubs and restaurants.
• Do not ask a newly introduced person overtly personal questions or disclose too many personal facts of your own. New Zealanders are reserved, modest people and prefer to learn about others over time.
• Do not say or imply that the way your country does something is better than the way New Zealanders do it, especially if you only visiting. If you are pressed to comment on an issue be sure to make clear at the outset you understand you are "just a guest/visitor and this is only my humble opinion." New Zealanders would not openly criticise your country on your home soil unless invited to and in return do not expect you to criticise theirs on their home soil.
• Do not criticise someone's home.
• The majority of New Zealanders are an easy-going, relaxed people and do not appreciate aggressive, pushy, loud, impolite or arrogant people.
• Relax, be polite, be modest, speak softly and you will get along fine.

Language

• Be polite. Use 'please' and 'thank you' frequently.
• You may hear people swearing in public but most New Zealanders think this is offensive and think less of the people doing it. Swear privately or with friends but not in public places.
• Keep your voice down. Talking loudly so everyone can hear your conversation is bad manners.
• Sheep related humour is likely to bring derision from the majority of New Zealanders, who see this stereotype at once clichéd and offensive, and it should thus be avoided. Although in relaxed social situations a certain amount of banter will be engaged in, it is advisable to wait until you know people well, as in any culture, before engaging in such humour.
• The term "dairy" refers to a convenience store, not a cow farm.
• It is rude to try to get someone's attention by saying "Oi!" or whistling, especially in bars/pubs and restaurants.

Māori

• Correct pronunciation of Māori words and placenames, and the word "Māori" itself, is often important to Māori, although usually less so to non-Māori.
• It is incorrect to pluralise "Māori" and loan words from Māori by adding an "s". There is no letter "s" in the Māori language, and plurality is indicated by the particles (te/nga/ngati) appearing before the word rather word ending.
• Sitting on or resting one's backside against a table or desk can offend Māori. A table is where food is served and should not be touched by the "unclean" regions. Similarly, you should not sit on a pillow, the head is tapu (sacred), and pillows are for resting heads only.
• Shoes should always be removed before entering the wharenui (meeting house) on a marae. Never eat inside a meeting house — the building is regarded as tapu (sacred).

Driving

• New Zealanders, in common with most other Commonwealth nations, drive on the left side of the road. As many of New Zealand's roads, including state highways outside of metropolitan areas, can be winding and narrow (often both), it is polite when a vehicle (i.e. a truck and trailer, a caravan, or a generally slower vehicle) pulls left to allow you to pass to give a small wave of thanks. Be cautious of using your horn within metropolitan areas (even as a warning device) as many drivers take exception to this as offensive and disrespectful and can result in road rage. Also, use discretion in taking up a passing opportunity offered in this way as road width and traffic volumes can be unpredictable.
• The car horn should not used very often, only in emergency, or when extremely aggravated.

Tipping

• Tipping is seen as a foreign custom and sometimes as patronising; service is included in what you pay for. It remains fairly rare even in the main centres and should never be considered compulsory. Some cafés have "tip jars" for loose change at the counter, but putting coins in the jar is the exception rather than the rule. It has long been customary to tell taxi drivers or food delivery people to "keep the change", but taxi drivers are equally likely to round a fare down.

With the exception of cafes, bars, restaurants, taxi drivers, food delivery and hotel porters, people tipping is virtually nonexistent. If staff request a tip, it is considered grounds for complaint by the customer.

See also

• Modern Etiquette
• Etiquette in Africa
• Etiquette in Asia
• Etiquette in Canada and the United States
• Etiquette in Europe
• Etiquette in Latin America
• Etiquette in the Middle East
• Worldwide etiquette