Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Muong Khoua/archive1

Battle of Muong Khoua

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review, it's been a long time since I created it and worked on it, but I returned to it a few days ago by chance and wondered perhaps whether it might have a shot at GA status with some tweaking. Some users here may offer helpful suggestions to assist.

Thanks, S.G.^(GH) _ping! 15:21, 24 June 2013 (UTC)

I think it will be good to go for GA. However, it seems that the article relies heavily on one book. If possible, the pages should be further divided. There are also not much in-line citations since it seemed that whole paragraphs only have one citation. If possible, those books in the Further reading section be cited. Arius1998 (talk) 11:48, 4 July 2013 (UTC)

A few comments - Dank (push to talk)

• "to string several isolated garrisons through the region in order to buy time to fortify the major Laotian cities": Please see WP:Checklist#because. "to string several isolated garrisons through the region to buy time to fortify the major Laotian cities"
• "reached another French position ..., however no one else escaped.": ... but no one else escaped
• "The King of Laos, Sisavang Vong, remained in Luang Prabang, which added greater impetus to French efforts.": It would help to be more specific here.
• "The terrain of northern Laos, and the local climate, isolated many of the outposts with a night-time fog known as crachin, thick jungle, a lack of roads, and steep terrain.": Many of the outposts were isolated by thick jungle, a lack of roads, steep terrain, and a night-time fog known as crachin. (Passive voice is more concise here.) Also possible would be: "... the thick northern Laotian jungle ..." - Dank (push to talk) 15:19, 17 July 2013 (UTC)