Kearney Zzyzwicz

Kearney (voiced by Nancy Cartwright) is a character from The Simpsons. Kearney is one of Springfield's many bullies in the long-running animated TV show The Simpsons. He has a crew cut and wears a white torn shirt and dog collar bangles. Although he looks to be around Jimbo or Dolph's age, he has a young son (it's not known who the mother is, although he once says that his divorce was hard on his kid, but he got through it okay), is the only present Springfield Elementary student that celebrated the United States Bicentennial (that is, was alive in 1976) and shaves his beard. He was also in third grade with Otto Mann, who is 28 years old. Strangely (in an episode) he needed a fake ID to purchase beer. In "Whacking Day" he is seen smoking in the room where Bart, Jimbo, Nelson, and Dolph are trapped in durning Superintendant Chalmer's visit. It is speculated that Kearney is the gang's second in command next to Jimbo, but in one episode he rose through the bullying ranks to become the President. In a future episode, he is seen as the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary. In one episode he describes himself as speaking "as a teenager, and as the parent of a teenager", a feat which is almost impossible. He drives a blue Hyundai Excel.

There is a "Kearney Street" in Portland, Oregon, where Matt Groening grew up.

It was revealed in a Simpsons comic that he, Jimbo, and Dolph were bullied by nerds. Bart then taught them that nerds are "all talk and no action" and they learned to "stand up" for themselves. Bart was later caught in the crossfire when his own creation turned on him and the other students at Springfield Elementary.

Kearney's favorite punching bag is Martin Prince. He also once beat up Nelson when he found how sensitive he was, as well as when Nelson commented on how "Furious D" didn't take no "guff" from nobody.

Kearney can often be seen hanging around "Jimbo" Jones, Nelson Muntz, and Dolph. The gang does not use physical abuse on girls — most likely due to the fact that the "girl bullies" would come after them as they do the nerds, dorks and geeks. One other reason for it is that they say that girls bite and scratch, and sometimes the boys get crushes on them.

At one time, he has dated Jimbo's mother, claiming "Hey, she came onto me!", with the result that he was beaten up by the rest of the gang. Like Jimbo and Dolph, Kearney is quite stupid.

In the episode Future-Drama, Kearney becomes the Vice-Principal of Springfield Elementary (the principal is still Seymour Skinner). However, none of his bullying traits are seen.

Kearney was in the third grade with Otto Mann because "they just can't teach me at this school".