Wikipedia:Peer review/Dwarf Fortress/archive1

Dwarf Fortress

I've listed this article for peer review because after quickly passing a GA from five years ago, I feel that this article is ready for FA. However, I would like some feedback on problems with the article so they can be fixed before FAR.

Thanks, Aven13 14:34, 23 June 2020 (UTC) @Aven13 looks like you're still waiting here :( - I suggest you directly comment some people that are active in this area (have a look at WP:FAC and contact some editors there), as well as post at WikiProject Video Games. --Tom (LT) (talk) 00:40, 29 August 2020 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs

Hey, I'm going to try and review this. I'll be gone this weekend so look for feedback next week (and if I don't respond ping me, I've probably forgotten.) Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 23:05, 8 September 2020 (UTC)

• I note that there are sources on the talk page that aren't incorporated into the article.
• There's inconsistent formatting in the references; some are missing publisher information, for example.
• The line in the lead The game influenced Minecraft and was selected among other games to be featured in the Museum of Modern Art to show the history of video gaming in 2012. seems weirdly placed, as it's discussing the impact of the game which is later on in the article than the development and release information.
• The names depend on the area's good/evil variable (the alignment) If you're going to explain what alignment is (and you should, along with the "savagery" parameter) you should do this when it's first introduced earlier.
• and though in English, they are originally in one of the four in-game languages of dwarves, elves, humans and goblins—I'm not sure what this bit about "originally" being in the other languages means.
• In Legends mode, players can view maps, histories of each civilization and any figure who has lived or died in the generated world. Any noticeable achievement made by the player in any of the two game modes is recorded in the Legends—first off, it's weird that the Legends mode bullet starts off like a complete sentence, whereas the previous two bullets are not. Secondly, what do you mean by "any of the two game modes" later on? You've just said that the game has three game modes.
• In 2006, a saga called "Boatmurdered" where fans passed around a single fortress and each played the game and saved it before sending it to another, was portrayed in detail from the start to its destructive end. I don't really know what this sentence is trying to say. What is this "saga", how is it being "portrayed"? (Was there a documentary made?)
• I'm not sure a single Turtle Beach fan poll deserves the amount of attention it gets in the "legacy" section.
• He predicted that the game's popularity "will reach its apex" at its final release. citation needed, and I'm not sure why this random dev is being given the last word on the game's legacy.
• If there's not enough content to make a >2 sentence paragraph for "use in academia", I'm not sure it should have a subsection of its own.
• In terms of coverage, I feel like the gameplay section starts getting way too detailed and into the weeds, actively harming a general understanding of the gameplay. Understanding that the guy has realistic geology or simulation of seasons makes sense; spending time talking about water level tiles does not. The gameplay section is almost as long as the entire rest of the article sections combined.
• Prose could use some tightening; you've got sentences like Before playing, the player has to set in motion a process which generates worlds with continents, oceans and histories documenting civilizations. that are good examples of unnecessary extra words ("the player has to set in motion a process which..." Versus something simpler like "The player begins by generating a world with..."
  • Likewise there's a general misuse of "which" instead of "that".
  • There's a lot of repetitious phrasing, especially with Adams saying X kind of stuff that gets tiring to read.
• Images:
  • All the non free media (File:Dwarf Fortress embark scene.png, File:Dwarf Fortress world generation.png, File:Dwarf Fortress adventurer mode.png need much better and fleshed-out fair use rationales. I'm not sold on the idea that File:Dwarf Fortress - mapa świata.png is free use; it might be made of up PD text, but it's not forming mere simple geometry but an artistic representation of a world.

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^talk 19:10, 19 September 2020 (UTC)