Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Troika (1969 film)/archive1

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Paleface Jack (talk | contribs) at 21:25, 27 April 2024 (→‎Comments: Reply). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Troika (1969 film)

Troika (1969 film) (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

As of 22 May 2024, 11:37 (UTC), this page is active and open for discussion. An FAC coordinator will be responsible for closing the nomination.
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Nominator(s): Paleface Jack (talk) 17:25, 25 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The debut feature film by avant-garde artist-turned-filmmaker Fredric Hobbs. Troika marked the start of a short but colorful career for Hobbs and the acting debut of Golden State Warriors Hall of Fame Nate Thurmond, briefly released in 1969 and given subsequent airings on television, it became largely forgotten for decades. Its rediscovery and short screening in 2022 helped gain the film minor recognition for its portrayal of ideas and attitudes popular in the 1960s. After working on finding only the best and most reliable sources, passing Good Article status in 2023 and a Peer review in 2024, I believe this article meets the standards of Featured status. I look forward to hearing any comments and criticisms on this this current effort I put in.Paleface Jack (talk) 17:25, 25 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Your efforts on the Troika are commendable. It makes me also interested in watching this movie. Mcx8202229 (talk) 04:51, 26 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • "the director Hobbs attempting to gain financing for a film of the same name" - same name as what? Himself?
The film was named Troika. I changed it to make it appear less confusing.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Troika was first conceived by Hobbs after working" => "Troika was first conceived by Hobbs after he worked"
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Functioning as an "expressionist documentary" of student demonstrations within the late 1960s. " - this isn't a complete sentence
Did a minor revision.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Within the classroom, students covered in white face paint recline upon toilet seats and chaise longues in place of chairs, various college professors present their lessons to the students, who view the presentations with downcast emotions." - this also isn't a complete sentence. I think you need "while", "and", or similar before "various"
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a procession of the title "Blue People"" => "a procession of the titular "Blue People""
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "ends with a shot of Rax as it merges with the Three Thieves" - what's "it"? Rax? Earlier you referred to Rax as "he"
My bad, changed to "He".--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "each segment for the film as a series of increasingly bizarre shorts" - should that last word be "shots"?
Shorts is accurate, he was talking about the film structure rather than the narrative of each segement.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hobbs, also starred in the film" - no need for that comma there
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "as one commentator described his role as a Christ-like figure" - no need for the word "as"
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Gordon Mueller in addition to his duties as the film's editor, stepping in " => "Gordon Mueller, in addition to his duties as the film's editor, stepping in "
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Art Institute photo caption needs a full stop
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "began firing a Nike missile's" - no reason for the 's at the end there
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the paragraph beginning "while the film's visuals", quotes from critics swap between being in single quote marks and double quote marks
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hobbs' continued to work" - no reason for apostrophe on his name
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Both films were critical and commercial failures,[39][41] combined with behind-the-scenes conflicts with producers of both films caused Hobbs to grow discontent with the film industry, who subsequently retired from filmmaking" - there's some words missing here. I would suggest changing it to "Both films were critical and commercial failures,[39][41] and this, combined with behind-the-scenes conflicts with the producers of both films, caused Hobbs to grow discontent with the film industry, and he subsequently retired from filmmaking"
Did a little rewording.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Date formats in the refs are inconsistent. Within the same ref I can see "October 12, 2022" and "2022-10-12"
Interesting. I think another editor did that cause I never really use that date format. The format is fitting with my style and more consistant.--Paleface Jack (talk) 21:23, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Did edits on it and the format remains the same. Not sure what is causing this. Paleface Jack (talk) 21:25, 27 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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