Kissing Suzy Kolber

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Kissing Suzy Kolber
Web address
Type of site
Registration No
Available in English
Created by Big Daddy Drew
Launched June 28, 2006
Current status Inactive

Kissing Suzy Kolber was an NFL-related humor blog run by a group of unsanctioned sports bloggers. The site began in June 2006 when the founders came together as like-minded commenters from the sports blog Deadspin. In 2006, 2007, and 2008, the site won the Weblog Award for Best Sports Blog.[1][2][3]


Writer Name Real Name
Big Daddy Drew (Inactive) Drew Magary
Unsilent Majority Jack Kogod
Captain Caveman Matt Ufford
Christmas Ape Michael Tunison
Monday Morning Punter (Left on July 31, 2011) Josh Zerkle
Flubby J. Reed (Anonymous Lawyer)
Sarah Sprague (Non-founder) Sarah Sprague
The Mighty MJD (Non-founder) Unknown
Mayor Burnsy (Non-founder) Ashley Burns
Danger Guerrero (Non-founder) Unknown
Bobby Big Wheel (Non-Founder) Robert Wheel
PFT Commenter (Non-Founder) Unknown
Footsteps Falco (Legend) Falco
RobotsFightingDinosaurs (Non-Founder) Unknown
Old James (Non-Founder) Unknown
David Rappoccio (Non-Founder)

KSK took its name from an incident during a December 20, 2003 game broadcast between the New York Jets and the New England Patriots, in which former Jets quarterback Joe Namath drunkenly made advances on ESPN sideline reporter Suzy Kolber.[4]

The site gained some notoriety soon after its founding when pictures of the daughter of Sports Illustrated columnist Peter King appeared on the site after the writers mock-threatened King with posting them unless King stopped tirelessly discussing his family in his columns.[5] After some criticism, the pictures were soon taken down. The episode was recounted in Will Leitch's book, God Save The Fan. The site runs a weekly analysis of King's column in a style similar to Fire Joe Morgan.[6]

The content can be considered high-minded vulgarity. Obscure cultural references are often mixed with imagined obscene scenarios and dialog. The posts on the site, though connected to current events in the league, often satirize the events, fans or the media.


Various NFL players or personalities appear on the site as recurring fictionalized characters including:

Player Character Notes
Brett Favre "Brittfarr" Mocking the quarterback's infamous indecision regarding retirement and coming out of retirement twice.
Rex Grossman "The Sex Cannon" Mocking the quarterback's impulsive nature. Was the subject of a widely selling T-shirt.
Chad Ochocinco "The Chad" Portrays the receiver as not understanding simple logic or children's level concepts.
Michael Vick "Dog Killer" or "Ookie" Portrayed as highly aggressive, strongly tied to the quarterback's 2007 arrest for financing a dog fighting operation.
Philip Rivers "Marmalard" or "Laserface" Portrayed as a self-righteous player with delusions of grandeur.
Ben Roethlisberger "The Ben" or "Ben Rongrastname" Portrayed as extremely lacking in intelligence and speaking in the third person.
J.T. O'Sullivan "The Fighting O'Sullivan" Speaks as an 18th Century Irishman, and with an emphasis on class structure.
Hines Ward "Hines Wald" Portrayed as an Asian stereotypes, playing on the player's Korean ancestry, with particular emphasis on using the letters "l" and "r" interchangeably.
Rex Ryan "Greatest Coach Ever" Portrayed as a boisterous motivator with unrealistically fantastic speeches that inexplicably work.
Rob Ryan "Wolfman Rob" Portrayed as an out of control hedonist and drunk who howls frequently
Mark Sanchez "Nacho" Portrayed as being very sensitive and insecure, easily intimidated by Rex Ryan and others
Jerry Jones "Double J" Portrayed as a crazed psychopath who constantly threatens his team's staff with harm.
Tommy from Quinzee "Tommy" A stereotypical Patriots fan with an exaggerated Boston accent. His column is often a thinly-veiled Bill Simmons parody.
Derek from Muncie "Derek" An obese, stereotypical Colts fan with an exaggerated Midwestern accent.
Adrian Peterson "Purple Jesus" Nickname coined by KSK for Peterson that has widely caught on.
Chan Gailey "5Chan" A 4chan-based board troll and hacker.
Jon Gruden "THIS GUY " Hosts a late-night talk show, along with bandleader Herm Edwards featuring interviews with other celebrities and public figures.
Eli Manning "Elisha " Portrayed as a man child.
Jay Cutler "A Cat" Jay Cutler is a cat.
Aaron Rodgers "Goth Aaron Rodgers" Portrayed as a depressed goth teen.
David Garrard "Silky Garrard" Portrayed as a smooth-talking pimp due to his occasional wearing of fedoras.
Tom Brady "Dreamboat" or "Troll Genius" Depicted as a suave, impossibly cool guy who wears odd clothes or does strange things purely for the purpose of annoying people and sparking jealousy. "Tom Brady ain't care".[7]

On April 14, 2008, Michael Tunison revealed his identity as a writer for The Washington Post on the blog. He was then fired by the Post for, in Tunison's words, "bringing discredit to the paper."[8][9]


On July 31, 2015, Tunison, by then KSK's editor-in-chief, published the final piece he would write for the website, entitled "Smell Ya Later Forever, KSK".[10] In this op-ed, he lamented that he was "burned out" from being the site's only full-time employee, having to compete with much larger sports news websites, and from the lack of editorial control he felt from Uproxx, the company which bought the website in 2011. He remarked, most notably, about a post from May 2015 that made fun of Budweiser's "#UpForWhatever" marketing campaign, which he was ordered to remove by senior management due to the potential of upsetting one of the website's sponsors.[10] Despite this, however, they allowed another post on the site to remain active, which saw British comedian John Oliver making fun of exactly the same campaign. Most of the website's other writers chose to leave with Tunison, though David Rappoccio remained behind to continue his popular drawings of modified NFL logos.[11] All sports content from August 2015 forward is now published under the umbrella of Uproxx Sports as a whole.[11]

Spiritual Successor[edit]

Since August 2015, Kissing Suzy Kolber has seen its mandate succeeded by [Door Flies Open], a website launched by many of the former commenters of KSK articles. [DFO] has continued on the tradition of liveblogging football games during the season, storytelling using a mix of real-life and fantasy characters, food, puzzles, and more high-minded vulgarity. The site takes its name from a common stage cue used in KSK writer Drew Magary's posts involving Rex Ryan and the 2009-2012 New York Jets, typically when the coach bursts into the locker room with news & the line "How the fuck you doin', boys?".[12]


  1. ^ (2006-12-18). "The 2006 Weblog Award Winners". Retrieved 2008-04-24. 
  2. ^ Kevin Aylward (2007-11-09). "The 2007 Weblog Award Winners". Retrieved 2008-04-24. 
  3. ^ (2009-01-15). "The 2008 Weblog Awards Winners". Retrieved 2009-03-16. 
  4. ^ Joe Rhodes (2006-08-30). "Suzy Kolber Has a Monday Night Date". Retrieved 2009-03-16. 
  5. ^ (2006-07-28). "The Peter King-KSK Standoff". Retrieved 2008-04-24. 
  6. ^ Ape, Christmas. "Fun With Peter King". Retrieved 29 October 2012. 
  7. ^
  8. ^ Tobin Harshaw (2008-04-18). "Blog at Your Own Risk". Retrieved 2008-04-24. 
  9. ^ Joe Strupp (2008-04-17). "'Washington Post' Staffer Fired for Profane Sports Blogging". Retrieved 2008-04-18. 
  10. ^ a b "Smell Ya Later Forever, KSK". UPROXX. 2015-07-31. Retrieved 2016-05-10. 
  11. ^ a b "So, What Now? The Future Of Kissing Suzy Kolber". UPROXX. 2015-08-07. Retrieved 2016-05-10. 
  12. ^ "There's A New Rex In Town". UPROXX. 2009-09-17. Retrieved 2016-05-10. 

External links[edit]