One-line joke

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A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. A good one-liner is said to be pithy – concise and meaningful.[1] Comedians and actors use this comedic method as part of their act, e.g. Jimmy Carr, Tommy Cooper, Rodney Dangerfield, Norm Macdonald, Ken Dodd, Stewart Francis, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Anthony Jeselnik, Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jay London, Mark Linn-Baker, Demetri Martin, Groucho Marx, Gary Delaney, Emo Philips, Tim Vine, Steven Wright, Gilbert Gottfried and Henny Youngman. Many fictional characters are also known to deliver one-liners, including James Bond, who usually includes pithy and laconic quips after disposing of a villain.[citation needed]


  • “I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.” (Jimmy Carr)
  • "A baby seal walks into a club."
  • "A dyslexic man walks into a bra."
  • "There are three types of people, those who can count and those who can't."
  • "The flat-earth society has members all around the globe."
  • "Jokes about communism have no class."
  • "An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs." (Mitch Hedberg)
  • "If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?" (Jerry Seinfeld)
  • "What Iran needs now is a more modern leader—a mullah lite." (Shappi Khorsandi)
  • "I have nothing to declare except my genius." (Oscar Wilde, upon arriving at US customs, 1882)[2]
  • "Take my wife ... please." (Henny Youngman)
  • "They hired a 3-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced!" (Les Dawson)
  • "What a magnificent show this is going to be when it starts!" (Ken Dodd)
  • "I have a girlfriend! I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for… sex!" (Stewart Francis)
  • "I have an L-shaped sofa... Lowercase." (Demetri Martin)
  • "Crime in multi-story car parks is wrong on so many different levels." (Tim Vine[3])
  • "The first few weeks of Weight Watchers, you’re just finding your feet." (Jimmy Carr)
  • "Say what you want about the deaf…" (Jimmy Carr)
  • "I went up to the airport information desk and said ‘How many airports are there in the world?'" (Jimmy Carr)

See also[edit]


  1. ^ Miller, K.E.L. (December 3, 2009). "The Unuttered Punch Line: Pragmatic Incongruity and the Parsing of 'What's the Difference' Jokes" (PDF). Truman State University. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2015-02-14.
  2. ^ "Number 64300". The Columbia World of Quotations. 1996. Retrieved 2007-06-20.
  3. ^ "100 of the best ever jokes and one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe". iNews. 2017-08-04. Retrieved 2018-06-06.