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Talk:2006 Pine Middle School shooting/GA1

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GA Review

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I found some problems with this article:

  1. The phrase booked as an adult in the lead is confusing. I initially thought that he was tried as an adult. After reading the last section I now understand that he was only arrested and charged as an adult and then tried as juvenile. The lead should make it clear.
  2. The following sentence received sentencing as a juvenile in which he plead guilty to different charges is also misleading. He actually pleaded guilty and then was sentenced, not in the reverse order.
  3. He removed the pistol in which he had concealed in his coat pocket Please, find a redundant word.
  4. he did not want his parents to be present during questioning Were parents present during questioning?
  5. The last section should be expanded. I want to know whether Newman completed his sentence successfully. What has happened with him and with his victims afterwards? Has he continued to study in the same school? What has happened with school? Does it still exist? The section should probably be renamed to 'Aftermath'.
  6. I noticed that some refs (1 and 6) lack author and publisher information.
  7. Is a photo of the school or/and Newman available?

I will put the article on hold. If all problems are fixed in a reasonable time I will promote it. Ruslik (talk) 17:15, 6 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

As a comment, some of the text of this article seems very close to the wording used in this reference. Some more rewording might be necessary. Tim Vickers (talk) 17:26, 6 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I got 1, 2, and 4 completely done, and 5 and 6 somewhat. 5 will be hard because there are no sources except for one or two dead links from 2007 about the aftermath of the shooter's life and all that... I remember finding an article about that teacher winning a hero award or something in 2007, which is now a dead link. 3 I'm not sure what you mean, and for 7, there are about three pics including the guy's mugshot, and a pic of the hallway and one of the stretchers being pulled to ambulances. However, I am not familiar with the commons too much, so I need somebody to help me upload those pics, though they may not be necessary for a small article like this.

Founded a bit more info for the aftermath Cyanidethistles(talk) {Tim C} 03:24, 7 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The first 'in' was a redundant word. I actually meant a photo of the school, not necessary at the time of shooting. The comment of TimVickers should also be addressed. Ruslik (talk) 09:30, 7 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Can't really find a pic of the school and I did change the redundant part. Cyanidethistles {Tim C} 07:39, 8 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Well I see now only three problems:

  1. The comment of TimVickers has not been been addressed. Please, reword the offending statements or attribute them to the affidavit.
  2. I think it would be great to have a short introductory section with some background information about the school: where it is located, number of students, its achievements (Is it a good school?) etc.
  3. The lead should mention that Fagan received an award.

Ruslik (talk) 10:08, 8 January 2009 (UTC) Ruslik (talk) 10:08, 8 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done done, and... done. I reworded at least two words just today, and I can't see too many words from those sources in this article, and I made the background sec. I can't find too much info about it except for how many students and address. And lead mentions Fagan. Cyanidethistles {Tim C} 03:11, 9 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think now the article satisfies GA criteria, and I will promote it. Ruslik (talk) 11:02, 9 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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