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Talk:2010 Shelby American/Archive 1

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Archive 1

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:2010 Shelby American/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: • ɔ ʃ → 22:01, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

As very few of the issues I mentioned have been addressed in the seven days since I put this article on hold, I must fail it at this time. The prose (1a particularly) needs much work--I suggest requesting a copyedit at the GCE if you are unable to figure it out easily. In addition, I think that it would benefit from more prose (3a) rather than half the article as a list, and it requires more inline citations, relying too heavily upon NASCAR's own website than third-party coverage (2b). I would strongly suggest a peer review before renominating this for GA, as well as watching/checking this page and addressing the concerns promptly. Although the article looks OK overall, it still has a ways to go before attaining GA status. —fetch·comms 02:46, 10 May 2010 (UTC)
Comments
  • IIRC, no links in the bold title part of the first sentence
  • Otherwise, really needs a lot more sources, particularly third-party ones, general expansion (the table accounts for more than the prose, maybe add reactions to the race, etc.)
  • Please copy-edit this: people sing the national anthem ("Terry Fator said the national anthem"), and "All the leaders pit, but the first one off pit road is Matt Kenseth." needs its tenses corrected. Prose overall might need to be rewritten to a higher quality level--right now, it reads like a middle school narrative paper (no offense)
    • I fixed the ones you mentioned. Could you give more examples of what needs fixing like in other NASCAR GAN's? ~NerdyScienceDude (✉ message • changes) 03:22, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
      • "During qualifying Kurt Busch ran the fastest lap with the speed of 188.719 and a time of 28.614 to be on the pole position while Casey Mears and Terry Cook failed to qualify.", maybe "During qualifying runs, Kurt Busch ran the fastest lap with a speed of 188.719 <unit> and a time of 28.614 <unit> to be on the pole position, while Casey Mears and Terry Cook failed to qualify."--note the extra commas, and please use {{convert}} for all units--remember, not everyone uses mph and will get, all units must be labeled. • ɔ ʃ → 15:56, 4 May 2010 (UTC)
  • Numbers like "The race had 10 different leaders, 20 lead changes, and 7 cautions." should be written out (ten, seven, etc.)

Because of these issues, I'm placing this article on hold. However, I would prefer if you took this time to work on any specific comments I leave you, as this article seems far from GA at the moment. The idea of rushing through 7 days just to promote this would likely cause a drop in overall quality, but you might surprise me... I'll leave a few more comments here until the week's up. • ɔ ʃ → 22:13, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Prose

This seems to be one of the major items needing improvement, so I'll make this a separate pseudo-section.

  • "To start the engines, Carroll Shelby and Kim Kardashian said the command, "Gentlemen, start your engines!""--sorta, you know, repetitive? At least rephrase: "Carroll Shelby and Kim Kardashian gave the command "Gentlemen, start your engines!" for the race", or something (not sure "command" is the best word there either, but that's not too big of a deal).
  • Again on "During qualifying Kurt Busch ran the fastest lap with the speed of 188.719 and a time of 28.614 to be on the pole position while Casey Mears and Terry Cook failed to qualify", what is the significance of those two not qualifying?

The intro is a lot of short sentences, maybe combine them? "The race began at 3 p.m. EST on February 28, 2010. It was 276 laps, or 400.5 miles (644.5 km) long, and was broadcast on both Fox Sports and PRN radio. The race had ten different leaders, twenty lead changes, and seven cautions, with Jimmie Johnson emerging as the overall winner." • ɔ ʃ → 16:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

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