Talk:American Idiot (musical)/GA2

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Ankitbhatt (talk · contribs) 12:13, 23 June 2012 (UTC)

One of the oldest GA nominations I believe, which is a pity. So here's the review :-

  • The first paragraph of the lead is impossible to understand. The sentences stop arbitrarily, they don't seem to connect and just sound like lots of muddled information thrown in in together. Re-wording is very necessary. Done
  • Concept album needs to be wikilinked. Done
  • "Johnny and Tunny flee stifling suburbia" Missing "a". Done
  • "and their parents' restrictions." Could be rephrased to "parental restrictions" to make it flow better. Also, get rid of the "their". Done
  • "Will stays home to work out his relationship with his pregnant girlfriend." Why is this part in such an odd place? It should be clubbed with the explanations of what the other two did, like this :- "Johnny and Tunny flee a stifling suburbia and parental restrictions, while Will stays home to work out his relationship with his pregnant girlfriend." Done
  • "the show moved to Broadway, at the St. James Theatre." Not cleanly phrased. Flip the order to "the show moved to the St. James Theatre at Broadway." Done
  • "Previews began on March 24, 2010 and officially opened on April 20, 2010." This sentence suggests that the previews opened on April 20, 2010 (weird). Add the words "the play". Done
  • "The show opened to mixed to positive reviews from critics, but got a rave review from The New York Times." Why is the specific NYT review given? It doesn't sound neutral. Done removed.

Please get to these bits quickly, though I'm beginning to feel that a thorough copy-edit is very necessary. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 12:29, 23 June 2012 (UTC)

I'll be helping out if possible. Thanks! →TSU tp* 14:02, 23 June 2012 (UTC)
I m having a look at the article and will try my best. If there are other problems then please post them. Also can you post the sections which are looking problematic? →TSU tp* 14:15, 23 June 2012 (UTC)
I don't know that why he wasn't but now is :) →TSU tp* 10:53, 25 June 2012 (UTC)

Excellent re-working of the lead. However, you missed out the bit about the mixed to positive reviews. otherwise, great! :)

Further review
  • "In 2000 Green Day released the album Warning." A comma is needed after 2000. Done
  • "compared Warning to the band's previous album (Nimrod)" Is there any need of bracketing Nimrod? Also, a comma is needed after Nimrod. Done
  • "Christgau also detected "a faint whiff" of the work from the theatrical composer/lyricist team of Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht." "From" should be "of". Done
  • "The trend of writing in the third person came to fruition with Green Day's next studio album, American Idiot in 2004. The first new song Green Day wrote was the single American Idiot." This sentence should be merged with the previous paragraph. Done
  • "Armstrong decided he wanted to do the same," Missing "that".  Done
  • "The band took inspiration from concept records by The Who." Missing "the" after "from". Done
  • "The album also was deliberately created" It should be "was also". Done
  • "The album also was deliberately created with a plot arc and that some of their inspiration was from sources in the musical theater repertoire like The Rocky Horror Show and West Side Story and the concept album cum stage musical Jesus Christ, Superstar." This doesn't mix at all. I suggest some re-tweaking with the previous sentence, going like this :- "The band took inspiration from the concept records by The Who, sources in the musical theater repertoire like The Rocky Horror Show and West Side Story, and the concept album-cum-stage musical Jesus Christ, Superstar. The album was also deliberately created with a plot arc." Done
  • "When he approached the band about a collaboration" "About" is somewhat awkward, "regarding" is better. Done
  • "The band also gave Mayer wide latitude" Missing "a". Done
  • "after seeing the director's earlier work" You have just introduced the director, so "his" would do just as well as "the director's". Done
  • "earlier work with Spring Awakening." "With" is wrong, "in" is correct. Done
  • "After becoming the top-grossing show in Berkeley Rep history" Shortening to "Berkely Rep" sounds a bit slangy. Why don't you use "the theatre's" or "the theater's"? (whichever suits you, provided it consistently follows the spelling style in the article). Done
  • "The musical transferred to Broadway at the St. James Theatre" Flip the theatre and Broadway. Also, add a comma after this. Done
  • "and officially opened on April 20, 2010." Make this into a separate sentence. Done
  • "It is rumored that" Tense. Done
  • "The original Broadway cast included John Gallagher Jr. as Johnny, Michael Esper as Will, Stark Sands as Tunny, Tony Vincent as St. Jimmy, Rebecca Naomi Jones as Whatsername, Mary Faber as Heather, and Christina Sajous as the Extraordinary Girl." Why not simply say, "The cast for the Berkeley Repertoire production was retained for the Broadway production, with the exception of Matt Caplan who was replaced by Stark Sands." Also, merge this with the previous paragraph, placing it before the cost bit. Done
  • "Michael Mayer, director, Christine Jones, scenic designer, and Kevin Adams, lighting designer." Put the credit before the name, example "director Michael Meyer, scenic designer Christine Jones and lighting designer Kevin Adams." Also, wikilink scenic designer. Done
  • "The Olivier Award-winning choreograph, Steven Hoggett" No need of the comma. Done
  • "Andrea Lauer was the costume designer and Brian Ronan was the Sound Designer." Any reason for capitalizing sound designer? Done
  • "Armstrong wrote on the official Green Day Twitter account that from September 28 to October 3 he would play the role of St. Jimmy." Put commas before "from" and after "October 3". Done
  • "The announcement led to an immediate increase in sales of tickets" Missing "the". Plus, its "sale", not "sales". Done
  • "The singer-songwriter filled in for cast member Tony Vincent" This is a repetition. Why not merge the personal problems bit with the announcement that Armstrong would do the role? Done
  • "In addition to Armstrong's stint as St. Jimmy, singer-songwriter Melissa Etheridge played the part of St. Jimmy on Broadway from February 1–6, 2011, and Davey Havok of the alternative rock band AFI took the role from March 1-15, 2011." Merge with previous paragraph. Done
  • "As part of the promotion for the show" Missing "a". Done
  • "Billie Joe Armstrong returned to the role" Armstrong would be adequate. Done
  • "In addition, Broadway alumnus Joshua Kobak as St. Jimmy." Any special reason why this cast bit is separate from the rest? Done
  • "The tours swings are" Wikiling tour swing. Besides, it should be "tour's", not "tours". Done
  • Is this tour going on right now? The tense is in present, which is odd. Done
  • It would be best if you club the "First National Tour", "UK and Ireland Tour" and "Second National Tour" into one section titled "Tours". Done
  • "A non-equity national tour will launch in late summer of 2012." Missing "the". Done
  • The Second National Tour bit has no reference sourcing it. Care to explain why? Done
  • "The tour will kick off" Avoid stuff like "kick off". Say "start" or "begin" or something. Done
  • "before returning to the states on January 25th." "Before returning to the USA" is correct. Done

As of now, that's it. Will be back for the final two sections later. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 12:05, 25 June 2012 (UTC)

More
  • The last paragraph of the lead needs a mention of the mixed reviews. Done
  • "The musical transferred to St. James Theatre at the Broadway," It should be "The musical transferred to the St. James theatre at Broadway." Of course, "at" can be replaced by "in" if you wish, though its not necessary. Done
  • "Andrea Lauer was the costume designer and Brian Ronan was the sound designer." Source? Done
  • The last two paragraphs of the Tours section should be combined. Done
  • "A frustrated Johnny conjures a rebellious powerful reflection of himself" A comma is needed after "rebellious". Done
  • "himself called "St. Jimmy" and shoots heroin for the first time" Comma needed after St. Jimmy. Done
  • "Johnny reveals the depth of his love for with Whatsername" No need of "with". Done
  • Tell me, is it Whatsername or Whatshername?
  •  Comment: It is "Whatsername" not "Whatshername" →TSU tp* 09:08, 30 June 2012 (UTC)
  • The Characters section needs re-doing; since its a minor edit, I will do it myself since its a bit difficult to explain in words. Already done
  • "alcohol and drug infused depression" Hyphenate drug-infused. Already done
  • "When Esper left the production, the role was taken over by American Idol alumnus Justin Guarini for the remainder of the run. Former Degrassi star Jake Epstein is currently playing Will in the national tour." Source? Done
  • "Reviews for the Berkeley Rep production" Expand Rep. Done
  • "Kinetically entertaining in a way" No capitals for "k". Done
  • I believe the Boston Herald is a newspaper, hence it should be italicized. Done
  • Could you move some of the reviews from the second paragraph to the first? Make them near-equal in size. Done
  • "American Idiot (the musical) won a total of 6 awards" No need of (the musical). Done
  • "at the 1709-seat St. James Theater" It should be "at the 1,709-capacity St. James theatre". Done
  • The "Totals" bit in the table should be colspan="6".
    •  Comment: Sorry, I didn't understand. →TSU tp* 09:36, 30 June 2012 (UTC)
Never mind, I'll do it. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 11:57, 30 June 2012 (UTC)
  • "In 2010, Tom Hanks and his production company, Playtone, optioned the musical to create a film version." No need of the two commas around Playtone. Done
  • "However, Armstrong later posted on his Twitter account that he hadn't "totally committed to St. Jimmy for the AI movie." and "Yes, I'm interested. Yes someone jumped the gun..."" Could you re-phrase this a bit? Done

That's it for the prose. Final reference check coming up soon. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 06:08, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

Hi all! I've been on vacation for a week and a half and came home to find this. I want to review the work that's been done because it looks like some of the copyedits have introduced factual or logical errors. I should be able to do that later this week. Let me know if you need help with anything else to get the review completed. Fryede (talk) 20:43, 2 July 2012 (UTC)

I have had a look at everything that I changed per the review and it has not changed the meaning according to me. No logical errors have occurred as far as I see. Feel free to fix them if any have occurred (though I didn't find any). →TSU tp* 01:29, 3 July 2012 (UTC)
Small note – if you do find any errors, please specify those errors here too. That way, I won't need to point out a "mistake" again in the final review. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 03:59, 3 July 2012 (UTC)

After a significant break, since the concerned editor hasn't found any mistakes, I shall continue. There are still some small errors present.

  • "After a run at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre 2009" Missing "in". Done
  • "The pair look for meaning in life" Please say "the former pair". Done
  • "The book was by Green Day's lead singer Billie Joe" Missing "written". Done
  • "Reception to the musical was mixed with praises as well as criticism." This is what you wrote about the critical reception? "Mixed" means some positive, some negative, so its sounding strange. Besides, its hardly adequate. Say for what aspects the play got positives, and for what it got negatives. Done
  • Also, place the reviews bit before the awards bit. Done
  • Major point: The plot and Cast should come immediately after the lead. Done
  • "The musical transferred to the St. James Theatre in the Broadway" No need of "the" before Broadway. Done
  • "the following week after Armstrong's run" Re-phrase to "the week following Armstrong's run". Done

Otherwise seems alright. I shall pass hopefully today. ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 12:42, 5 July 2012 (UTC)

Seems fine. I have passed the article. Congratulations :). ~*~AnkitBhatt~*~ 12:29, 7 July 2012 (UTC)