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Talk:American game show winnings records/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:19, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • We don't start articles with "This article lists..."
 Done? --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Through the years there have been number of big winners as American game shows competed for viewers' attention by offering ballooning prizes to their contestants." this isn't really encyclopedic writing and as it's unreferenced, it appears to be simply your opinion.
 Done? --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the 1950s, which is often referred to as the Golden Age of Television, the overall, and longest held, record was set by Teddy Nadler with $264,000 in 1957." awkward phrasing, particularly as you start "during the 1950s" and end "in 1957" in the same sentence. Consider splitting.
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • You don't mention which show Nadler won his prize on.
plus Added --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "seven figure prize on" hyphenate seven-figure, and I assume you mean this to be an American record?
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As of May 16, 2014" still correct as of July 1, 2015?
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " for many years," is this necessary? Just stick to the facts, when did he win it, how long did he hold the record, avoid such euphemistic language.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " that awarded constants with" eh? Do you mean "that awarded contestants" or "that rewarded contestants with" or something else?
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "an additional spin, allowing him to spin the board in the second round as long as wanted" not getting this, I get a second spin, but what is the "as long as wanted"?
plus Added an explanation. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "by Sheree Heil from Heil's appearance on The Price Is Right" -> "Sheree Heil after her appearance..."
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including an Audi R8 won in Gas Money" I don't understand what this means.
 Done, it's a pricing game played on the show; I've added a link. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image caption, lighten it up, just say "X (left) with host Y (center) and fellow contestant Z"
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "changed hands quite a few times over the years" this is not encyclopedic tone.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of Twenty One infamy" people who aren't aware of this show or its history have no idea why this has some kind of "infamy".
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "1956–57 television season" tv seasons span years?
In the US, yes. The television season is generally considered to take place from September to May, with reruns and replacement series airing over the summer. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "$312,700 (today $895 thousand" why not $895,000?
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are your inflation conversions up to date? I expect you should have "as of 2015" in there too, bacause the "today" changes...
  • Honestly, you're asking the wrong guy. They were added here, shortly after I started my time on Wikipedia and while I was still learning the ropes (I probably didn't even know what a GA was back then). If they're unnecessary and too complicated, I really have no problem with removing them. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 14:08, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yes, as I've done the bulk of the work prepping it (the guy who made the above edits has only contributed the inflation portion). And thanks for the temp, I'll try to take a look later tonight. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 17:54, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in game show history at the time" US game show history or world game show history?
 Done American. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was during the second season..." again, this reads like a newspaper report or a novel rather than an encyclopedically toned article.
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:04, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Host Maury Povich proclaimed him "the TV Game Show King" for surpassing Carpenter's mark" ref
plus Added --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Oberholtzer's record did not last long." tone.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "began bringing back some " "brought back"
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Several claims in this section without references.
  • "big win" tone.
minus Removed "big" --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " in a span of two months" don't need a span of.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • You switch between $1,000,000 and $1 million, be consistent.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the hot seat " tone.
minus Removed --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Exactly one week..." just "One week..." suffices.
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This June 2, 2004 episode" -> "The episode, broadcast on June 2, 2004, was..."
 Done --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Use non-breaking spaces to avoid splitting "$2" from "million", for instance.
Not an issue as these have all become "$X,000,000".
  • "handily defeated " tone.
minus Removed handily. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That's it for now, there's so much here to do, I'll come back and complete the review if I see progress being made. It really does need a thorough copyedit for tone, stripping out lots of the colloquialisms and "familiar" prose. On hold for a week. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:48, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for taking this up; the article was in rough shape in terms of prose when I began working on it so I can't say I'm too surprised, but I think we can get it done. Thanks, --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 13:08, 1 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: I think I've taken care of most everything on this checklist. Regarding the "Several claims in this section without references," would you mind pointing toward some of these when you get a chance? Thanks for everything so far, including Idiotest. --Bentvfan54321 (talk) 01:25, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
No worries, from a first glance, this article's improvements are substantial, so it'll take me a bit of time to go over the whole thing again, which I'll aim to do tomorrow. Thanks for addressing my initial comments. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:52, 2 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Impressive, I made a couple of minor adjustments myself, but this is certainly sufficient now to claim good article status so I'll promote. Good work. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:38, 3 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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