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Talk:Bare-faced Messiah/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Mark Arsten (talk · contribs) 16:30, 27 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Looks interesting, this should be fun to review. Comments to follow in the next couple days. I'm a fairly slow reviewer, so this could take a while, sorry for any delay. Mark Arsten (talk) 16:30, 27 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Alright, I've read through it and it looks great. Very interesting and well written. Only a few comments/copyedits needed, nothing major:
  • Did you want to use the serial comma? The usage is inconsistent.
  • I checked again, and it was only being used once. You might want to check that sentence though, not sure if it reads well without the comma.
  • "The Church strenuously denied this accusation and a private investigator involved in the campaign denied that the Church was his client.[2][3] The Church" A little repetition here, is there a good way to avoid starting consecutive sentences with "The Church..."
  • I've made some copyedits, feel free to revert if you disagree.
  • You repeat "United States" and "United Kingdom" a few times in the article, might want to abbreviate some later mentions as US and UK. Also, make sure it's standardized to "U.S." or "US".
  • Complete sentences in image captions should end in a period.
  • There's a little repetition in the second paragraph of "Background and synopsis", particularly "such as" and "covers".
  • I'd suggest "Reaction from Hubbard's followers" rather than "Reaction from followers of Hubbard", not a big deal though.
  • "His family was approached by private detectives" Whose family is this?
  • I think the MOS frowns on wikilinks inside of quotations, so I'd advise against it, although some people do it.
  • Yeah, a lot of people leave them in, even at FAC.
  • "adopting a strategy that has been described as" Might want to note who described it this way.
  • "Much of the dispute centred on the plaintiffs' argument that the actions of former Scientology archivist Gerry Armstrong in providing Miller with unpublished materials (whether directly or indirectly) was a breach of his duty of confidence to the Church" Is "was" correct here or should "were" be used?
  • "It also claimed that copyright had been violated through the unauthorised excerpting of unpublished materials and books written by Hubbard, and that it would interfere with New Era's own plans to publish an "authorised" biography based on the same unpublished materials." There's some repetition of "unpublished materials" here.
  • There's not much about the suits in South Africa and Australia, not a big deal for GA, but if you're going for FA someone might bring it up.
  • Not a big deal then.
  • Might want to briefly note who Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr. is, ditto for Martin Gardner.
  • "The Church of Scientology, predictably, was" Not sure if you need "predictably" here.
  • "Writing in Kingdom of the Cults" Might want to note what this is, a book? a journal?
  • "bizarre career." Check for logical punctuation here.
  • I mean I think it should be "Bizarre career"., with the period after the quote mark.

I wrote an early version of this article, which was quite good. No, let me not pretend to be modest. It was astoundingly good. My opinion of the current version is that it is too prolix. It's okay, though. Thanks for the hard work, everybody. --TS 02:11, 30 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • LOL, thanks for weighing in. I hope the recent changes didn't damage the article too much--prolixity is rampant around here :) Alright, excellent work. Interesting, well-written article here, glad I signed up for the review. Article passes GA. Mark Arsten (talk) 02:14, 30 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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