Talk:Beriah Magoffin/GA1

GA Review

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Hi. I'm reviewing this article for GA, and the review will take at most 7 days (although it nearly certainly will not). I'm watching this page, so you have no need to notify me if you respond. I'll begin the review ASAP. Mm40 (talk) 01:29, 6 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the review. Feel free not to follow the suggestions, as that is why I'm posting them here instead of fixing them myself.

Lead: "...allow Speaker of the Senate John F. Fisk to succeed him." Succeed who? Magoffin? Although this is later in the article, this should be clarified in the lead.

Clarified by adding the office Fisk would succeed to.

Lead: "After the war, encouraged acceptance of the Union..." Missing a "he".

Added.

Early life: Although really not needed, readers may want to have a sentence about Samuel McAfee as he doesn't have his own article (but don't force yourself to do tons of additional research)

Samuel McAfee doesn't appear in The Kentucky Encyclopedia, although his father Robert and brother Robert Breckinridge McAfee do. Not sure Samuel really did anything particularly noteworthy other than being related to these notable folks. I think it might be a bit awkward to try and get into all these relationships regarding the subject's grandfather.

Early life: "Magoffin returned to Kentucky in 1839 due to ill health." There's a redundant word at the end end of the sentence. You should change it to either "illness" or simple cut ill.

"Ill health" is actually the wording used in the source, but it's not a big deal. I have changed to "due to an illness".

Early life: "Ten of the couple's children survived infancy." Does your source say how many children there were that didn't survive?

Unfortunately, no. Two sources mention that ten survived infancy, but none that I have found give the total number of children.

Early life: "Magoffin became actively involved in the Democratic Party, serving..." "actively involved" can be changed to "active" or "involved" to remove the redundant word

Done.

Early life: "...serving as a presidential elector in 1844, 1848, 1852, and 1856 and a delegate to the Democratic National Convention in 1848, 1856, 1860, and 1872." You need to add an "as" between "a" and "delegate", because right now the sentence reads as if Magoffin was helping a delegate as opposed to being one himself.

Done.

Governor of Kentucky: "In 1859, Magoffin was elected..." Do we know the exact date of the election and/or the day he took office? One of them (I assume the date he took office) is mentioned in the infobox. Preferably, both should be added.

At one time, gubernatorial elections in Kentucky spanned multiple days. Not sure if this had changed by 1859 or not. A quick glance over the sources doesn't reveal the election date, but I have added the date he took office.

(Not important for GA, maybe if you want to take the article to higher level) Governor of Kentucky: A rewrite seems to be in order for the entire second paragraph of this section, as it seems a bit long-winded and repetitious. You don't have to action this, but if you want to make the article the best it can be...

Believe me, I know, but I don't know exactly how to do it without listifying some of the prose, which seems like a bad idea. At this point, GA is my highest ambition for this article, so if you think it passes without tackling this, I'd prefer to leave it alone.

Governor of Kentucky: "...not return a fugitive slave obstructed a slave's return..." Missing an "or" between the first "slave" and "obstructed"

Done.

Governor of Kentucky: "in all current a future territories south of" "a" should be "and"

Done.

Governor of Kentucky: "...and the provision of some sort of protection for southern states in the U.S. Senate against oppressive slavery legislation." I suggest you change "provision of some sort of protection" to "protection of" and then "against" to "from"

Done.

Governor of Kentucky: "; consequently, they refused to call the convention." Change "call" to something else. Magoffin called it, not the Unionists. Change to "recognize"/"attend" etc.

Actually, Magoffin called the special session of the legislature; he did not have the authority to call a convention of the people. He called the legislature into session and asked them to call a convention of the people, but they refused.

Governor of Kentucky: "...but Magoffin also refused this request." I suggest changing "also refused this request." to "again refused" to remove redundant words and eliminate the second "request" in the sentence.

I have changed to "similarly refused him" because I think the article should reflect Magoffin's staunch adherence to neutrality on both sides.

Governor of Kentucky: "Again, they refused to call a convention..." Who's "they"? The Unionist majority? Also, you may want to change "call" again.

I have clarified the antecedent for "they". See above for clarification on "call".

Governor of Kentucky: "convention for determining the state's course in the war." Either replace "for determining" with "to determine" or cut out "for".

Done.

Governor of Kentucky: "...and the senate elevated Magoffin's choice, James F. Robinson to speaker." There should be a comma after "Robinson"

Done.

Later life and death: I think a sentence should be added at the end about the image to the right of the text (his gravestone, which the link says is considered a Civil War Monument. Just a bit about it's history will do.

Didn't realize this since I didn't add the image or that link, but I think I've addressed this now.

All images, ISBNs/OCLCs, check out ok, and there are no link disambiguation pages.

These are all the issues I have so I'm putting this on hold and giving you seven days to remedy these. Very nice article, and it will soon be a GA. Mm40 (talk) 11:20, 7 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review. I hope my inline responses above adequately address your concerns. Acdixon ^{(talk • contribs • count)} 01:23, 8 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I am passing the article now. Congratulations, and thank you for all your contributions to Wikipedia. I hope you consider reviewing a nomination like this one. Cheers. Mm40 (talk) 11:45, 8 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]