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GA Review

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Nominator: Relativity (talk · contribs) 02:29, 2 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 11:12, 15 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take on this review. --Harper J. Cole (talk) 11:12, 15 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Harper J. Cole Thank you so much! Let's see how this goes; I've reviewed articles but haven't actually been the nominator for a GA review. I'll be pretty active in the next couple of days. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:46, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

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Some comments; let me know what you think.

  • His horse, who was shot as well, fell on Arnold's leg and his leg shattered. The text flows better if you can avoid repeating words; I'd suggest instead His horse, who was shot as well, fell on Arnold's leg and shattered it.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Similarly, the word "battle" occurs ten times in the Background section, including six times in the first two sentences. While the various "Battle of..." references can't be changed, you could vary things up outside of that, e.g. his contributions to the first of these, or just use a synonym for battle instead (fight, conflict, etc.)
 Done Hopefully that works... ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • American General Benedict Arnold had contributed significantly to both Battles of Saratoga, although his contributions to the first battle, the Battle of Freeman's Farm, are disputed. A bit contradictory; the first part of the sentence firmly states that he did contribute, then the second part says that he might not have done. Could it be reworded for more consistency?
I removed "significantly" since Arnold did contribute to the first Battle of Saratoga, just it wasn't that substantial. Do you think that works or should I reword that still? ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...resulted in Arnold's command being removed, and having it given to General Benjamin Lincoln. A bit over-elaborate with the wording. I'd suggest simply ...resulted in Arnold's command being removed and given to General Benjamin Lincoln.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • British General John Burgoyne, on October 17, surrendered. I'm not sure you need this line, as it's straying a bit from Arnold's contribution. If you keep it, rephrase as British General John Burgoyne surrendered on October 17.
True; any person who wants to find out about the outcome can just see the corresponding article.  Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Gates did not mention much of Arnold's contributions... Slightly awkward wording; how about Gates did not make much mention of Arnold's contributions...
I like it.  Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...a slab of granite to commemorate Arnold "would not do". The period goes inside the quote marks in US English, which is applicable to this article.
 Done. I also realized I forgot to add a citation at the end of that and I've added it now. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...hang the rest of his body on an effigy. Normal would be ...hang the rest of his body in effigy.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...it should be commemorated". As above, the period should be inside the quotes.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • A few college boys on a trip Based on the source, we don't know how large a group of boys was involved.
 Done Changed to College boys on a trip ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...which is Tour Stop #7. A bit random; no other mention is made of a tour during the body of the article.
 Done Yeah, it isn't really discussed widely in sources. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • One error in the inscription was that Arnold did not earn the rank of Major General prior to, and because of, Saratoga, but he did regain his seniority. I'm a bit confused by this; surely he did become a Major General beforehand, and the error is in suggesting that he only did afterwards (so "prior to" should read "after")?
Aha, gotcha. Changed to "after"  Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • In an old cadet chapel at West Point, Revolutionary War generals are honored there with a plaque on the wall, but Arnold's plaque only mentions his date of birth and death date, but not his name. The word "there" looks superfluous, and "but" should only be used once.
Reworded to In an old cadet chapel at West Point, Revolutionary War generals are honored with a plaque on the wall, but Arnold's plaque does not have his name on it, and only mentions his date of birth and death date. Hopefully that works. Thoughts? ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Update: reworded to only mentions his birth and death dates so it's not repeating the word "date" twice. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:31, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • There's a couple of [page needed] tags to resolve on citation 3, plus one on citation 34.
I tried resolving those previously, but the books I cited them from didn't have page numbers. I'll let you know if I can figure it out. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:11, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, so, update: I placed Aryes' book on hold at my local library, so once I get that I can (hopefully) check the page numbers. I got Holmes and Smith-Holmes' book as an ebook, but it still doesn't show page numbers. I learned, however, that the info is in the seventh page of chapter 3. Other than that, I don't really have page numbers. Do you think it would be okay if I count pages and just say in the citation "page so-and-so, excluding introduction" or something like that? It's not that long of a book. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:33, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Actually, I found the page numbers for Holmes' book. Never mind. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 01:36, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Harper J. Cole:  Done Added page numbers ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:27, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Harper J. Cole (talk) 20:41, 15 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks - just three outstanding points.
  • I'd suggest the wording ...although the extent of his contributions to the first battle, the Battle of Freeman's Farm, are disputed.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • It now says "on effigy", but the expression is "in effigy". It's an odd phrase, but if you look at the source that's the wording they use too.
 Done That is an odd phrase. ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • That just leaves the one remaining [page needed] tag.
 Done ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:29, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:21, 16 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
All good by me now - promoted. Congratulations on your first GA. Harper J. Cole (talk) 00:43, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Harper J. Cole Thank you for taking the time to take on this review! I'm very excited about it. Cheers! ‍Relativity ⚡️ 00:44, 17 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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