Talk:Brad McCrimmon/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 21:44, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

On the whole pretty good, and from what I can see, only some minor changes needed really.

I would suggest linking a number of the more jargon-ny terms; you've done pretty well at this, but a few seem to be missing: "playoff",
Hmm. I'm not sure how to fix this for you. There is no generic article on ice hockey playoffs, and while I could link to Stanley Cup playoffs in the professional section, the first use of the word is in his junior section. Any thoughts?

I would just link to the generic playoffs page? Harrias ^talk 08:01, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Facepalm. I don't even want to know how I managed to not find that article yesterday. Reso lute 14:14, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"While McCrimmon routinely played a high number of minutes each game – his teammates marveled at his stamina –[9] in that final, he played virtually every minute of the contest." For me, this sentence is trying to do a bit too much. Perhaps split it down into two sentences? Amazing feat though, to play pretty much a whole game!
Broke into two sentences.
On that topic, it is such an amazing feat that I looked around a bit more, and it looks like different references suggest different things: reference 12 (Wharnsby, Tim from CBC) suggests that he actually took a few shifts off, and I'm worried about this fact currently being referenced by a blog: is there anywhere more substantial that this can be referenced as being the whole game minus the penalty?
While it is entirely possible that his being on the entire game is something of a modern myth, it is the most common story. e.g.: Sportsnet, The Globe and Mail. I've switched the reference to the Globe story to alleviate your concerns about the mlive blog.
Surely if he made his debut on October 11, 1979, his debut season was 1979–80, not 1978–79 as stated?
Yes, silly mistake on my part. Fixed.
"McCrimmon was knocked out of the 1985 Stanley Cup Playoffs in the third game..." – knocked out makes it sound like the team was eliminated, would something like "ruled out" work better?
Reworded
What is a "third-degree separation of his left shoulder"?
Linked to Separated shoulder. Hopefully that helps (I *assume* that third-degree and Type III are synonymous, but I am not a medical expert, so can't be more specific)
"McCrimmon returned to start the 1985–86 season which he had his best season statistically." – seems to be missing a word: "..the 1985–86 season in which he had.." maybe?
Yup, fixed.
"Upon the retirement of captains Lanny McDonald.." – the two links together make it look like one long link: is there a way to seperate these?
I reversed the sentence order to split the links.
"..McCrimmon's 29 points was a significant improvement.." – Think this should be "were" not "was"?
I kind of waffle on this. I think "was" is more typical in North American English, but at the same time, I'm not married to such a simple word. Changed to "were".
"McCrimmon died along with virtually his entire team." – I'm not sure that "virtually" is encyclopedic language when used in this manner. Perhaps simply "McCrimmon died along with almost his entire team." ?
How about "nearly his entire team"?
Constant bugbear of mine: the "Career statistics" section is completely unreferenced.
Ahh, whoops. I have been adding a statistical reference in the references but overlooked that on this one. Fixed
Reference 2 is a dead link.
Blah. Fortunately, the link was retrievable from archive.org.

As I say, pretty good other than noted. I appreciate that it is unlikely that there is a free image of him available, but are there are suitable fair-use images about? I look forward to your responses. Harrias ^talk 21:44, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent, thanks for the review! I shall look to address your comments later today. Regards, Reso lute 15:53, 5 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have addressed your concerns. I could probably find a fair use image with little difficulty, but at the same time, it occurs to me that one of his former teams (possibly Detroit or Calgary) may be willing to release an image. Couldn't hurt to ask, I suppose. I will do that, though such a request would resolve itself well after this GAN review. Thanks again! Reso lute 23:32, 5 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've responded to your query regarding playoffs at the top. Good idea on the image front, no problem with that taking a while, it's not a requirement for GA at all, just a suggestion on how the article could be improved. As the only unresolved issue here is such a minor one, I'm happy to pass the article, well done! Harrias ^talk 08:01, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

And fixed that link. Thanks for the review and pass! Reso lute 14:14, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]