Jump to content

Talk:Breakout (Miley Cyrus song)/GA2

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: HJMitchell You rang? 02:16, 2 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, it looks pretty good. There are a few things that could do with being adressed though:

General
  • Is there a suitable image (preferably a CD cover) that could go in the infobox?
  • Some of the grammar could use a slight copyedit, for example "due to not being released as a single" (in Chart performance) does not read as well as it could, likewise "Cyrus opened the 2008 Disney Channel Games with the premiere of "Breakout"; the event was held on May 4, 2008 in Orlando..."" (in chart performance)
Chart performance
  • Seems to contradict itself on the release as a download- can we get a release date and a ref?
  • Could (ideally) use an extra ref or two to make sure everything's verified if they can be found.
  • Jumps from Billboard Top 100 to Hot Digital Songs- might be an idea to expand on how the two relate or to reword it
  • Were Canada, Australia and the US the only countries where it was a top 100? Might be an idea to specify (or add more if it charted elsewhere)
  • It doesn't specify which chart it spent 7 weeks on (I take it it's the US?)
Live performances
  • "is also in the set list of her 2009..." will need updating since we're in 2010 now
  • I expect this is just me being British and thick, but what the hell is a construction cart?
  • Lol... I didn't know about this myself and I tried to look through Wikipedia to find the official term for it. It's those carts in which construction workers are elevated in order to build things. Here is a pic of her doing that in the next number from the set list. I referred to the prop as a construction cart there too and that one passed GA. Do you know any other term?? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 01:52, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could do with less of the commentary and the minutiae that's not really suited to an encyclopaedia
  • Some of the stuff on the clothes sounds like either fan commentary or OR- for example "an all leather ensemble" if you're getting bits like that from a source (assuming it's not Disney) put it in quotes, if not (or if it IS from Disney who obviously have a COI!) try to tone it down and keep it neutral.
  •  Done Ooh.. this was probably what the last reviewer was talking about. I put it as black leather tank top and hot pants.
  • Also, info on the clothes generally is probably given undue weight- not a huge issue but some of it could do with a trim
  • I'd suggest linking the cities- everyone knows Los Angeles, California, but how many people outside North America know Portland, Oregon?

Everything else seems to be in order, though if you could lay your hands on any more sources, it certainly wouldn't hurt! HJMitchell You rang? 01:11, 3 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Wrapping it up (hopefully)

[edit]

It's not taken long to address most of my comments above. Another look shows that some of the prose could still do with some work, for example:

  • ""Breakout" received generally positive responses from contemporary critics. Chris William of Entertainment Weekly said that writer Gina Schock of The Go-Go's left influences from their hit single "Vacation" (1982).[6] William added that "Breakout" "just the right amount of maturing".[6] Mikael Wood of The Los Angeles Times called the song "a slightly tougher, more guitar-based sound than last year's Meet Miley Cyrus".[9] Bill Lamb of About.com said the song was one of the "top tracks on Breakout".[11] Heather Phares of Allmusic said the song's "school girl rebellion" was "designed to present the feisty, carefree Miley".[12]"
    • You've got a series of very short sentences there that should be bashed in to just one or two ideally. There are other examples, but that's the worst
  • I'd like to see those less flattering reviews in the article, just for balance.
  • I could find positive ones and one that said it was really noxious and only a knockoff of Avril Lavigne and that is there. One has some mixed feelings and says that there is no profundity in lyrics but has a good music composition. Doesn't that suffice? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 05:36, 9 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Everything else looks good so, with a little work, this should pass without too much difficulty. HJMitchell You rang? 11:36, 7 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm still not entirely happy. The prose could still do with some work- there are a lot of short sentences that could (and should) flow much better. Also, almost every sentence seems to start with "The song...". That said, I think the prose is the only real issue holding it back from GA status. HJMitchell You rang? 04:21, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I did what I could do on all sections. Is it ready yet? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 07:01, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
right, I've gone through and given it a copyedit. I'm happier with the prose now, but I left a fact tag and two hidden comments in the article that will need sorting before I can pass it. Checklinks shows nothing concerning, so once those are addressed, I'm sure the article can be promoted. HJMitchell You rang? 18:00, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
lol. I like those hidden comments. Looking for them is fun. I think I addressed them. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 18:50, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Glad I can provide you with amusement! Haha! I'm happy with that. I'll promote it now! HJMitchell You rang? 18:58, 10 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Breakout_(Miley_Cyrus_song)/GA2&oldid=1140130923"