Talk:Cordyline australis/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:18, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

I will copyedit as I go and make straighforward style changes. Please revert if I accidentally change the meaning. I will jot queries down below. Casliber (talk · contribs) 05:18, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

which are branched to the fourth order. -don't know what this means.

— I've added a diagram showing what fourth-order branching is. Hope that helps. Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

wikilink bract, panicle, inflorescence

— done Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

The nectar attracts "enormous numbers" of insects to the flowers - should be able to use an equivalent term here which doesn't require quotation marks, which is not good for readability.

— Made it: attracts large numbers of insects Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Some of the names are revealing, says Simpson.. - how about "Simpson reports that some of the names reveal (or point to/highlight/tell us/etc.) the characteristics...." - would also be good to note at first instance who simpson is.

— Made it: Botanist Philip Simpson reports that some of the names highlight the characteristics of the tree that were important to Māori — Is that enough intro for Simpson? He worked for the Conservation Department at the time of Sudden Decline and wrote a good book about C. australis. Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

The Habitat serction starts with a quotation - would an intro telling us where the quotation is from help the reader?

— Made it: A quote from Philip Simpson sums up the wide range of habitats the cabbage tree occupied in early New Zealand and how much its abundance and distinctive form shaped the impression travelers received of the country: / "In primeval New Zealand... Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

I think I'd sit the Regional diversity subsection under description as it suits there better.

— Yep, done. I had it there at one stage. After I moved it though, the two maps (the natural range one in the taxobox and regional variants one) were closer together and seemed to clash/be cluttery to me - so I have tried using the regional variants map as the range map. I think it works...?? Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

The para starting After nearly five years... - teh first sentence gives a cause and then the second two describe it as unknown. Should the first be moved down so it makes sense chronologically?

— Definitely! I've reorganised the par and put the After nearly five years... at the end. Edited the par a bit for flow. Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

:I think rewording para 2 in the Grazing animals section so it is not a quote would be good. Unnecessary to copy a slab of text like that.

— Yep. I took it out of quotes, pruned and reworded and combined it with the previous par, with some edits for flow. Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

The first para of the Medicine paragraph I think could do with some referencing from medical Review Articles given the claims made. I will have a look later.

— To me the main point is the Māori uses, so if you think it's good to tone down the medical claims, not a worry. Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, it's a dicy one. I played safe and flipped the segment to promote Maori use and reduce the medical info to the safest material - I figure folks can read the medicine pages that are linked if they want to. Casliber (talk · contribs) 12:51, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Looking good overall though. Not too much to do. Casliber (talk · contribs) 06:53, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

— Appreciate your taking the time to do this review, Casliber Kahuroa (talk) 08:45, 3 May 2010 (UTC)